


You are My Pearl

by WinterWolf773



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2019-07-13 18:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 73,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16023881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterWolf773/pseuds/WinterWolf773
Summary: Pearl is captured by White Diamond and faces her power against Pearl's will. Mostly Pearl-centric. Based on the theory that Pearl belonged to White Diamond and that White Diamond has some mind control over other gems. Relationship between Mystery Girl and Pearl ends up being a larger part of the story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this back in April and have several Chapters posted on Fanfiction.net(I use a different username there) so at first I'll just be posting the chapters I already have.
> 
> Based on the theory that Pearl belonged to White Diamond. Also as an added twist, belief that White Diamond has a mind control ability over the other gems, especially gems made for her. As we continue to learn the main plot I am absolutely sure everyone will laugh at this and point out all the ways I’m wrong. I hope you enjoy.

**Stevonnie**

We had fallen into a trap.  Garnet, Amethyst and  us – myself – Stevonnie, all couldn’t move.  Pearl was the only one on the platform ahead and White Diamond was glaring down on us from above.  She was even bigger than Blue and Yellow.   Her eyes felt like they were stabbing right through me.

White Diamond’s voice boomed and echoed throughout the chamber, “Pearl, so good to see you after all of these years.”

I could see Pearl shaking and her breathing become erratic.  I tried to yell but my whole body felt so frozen I couldn’t even speak.

White Diamond continued, “You have been tainted by these criminals for far too long Pearl.  It is time for you to come back to your Diamond. Kneel, my Pearl.”

Pearl strained and gasped, “N-No, I’m not your Pearl anymore!”

I heard Connie’s voice in our head, “ _Wait, Pearl used to belong to White Diamond?!”_

“ _I- I guess so. She never really talked much about before the war_.” I replied.

White Diamond laughed, it made my chest feel tight and my stomach jump, “Well, well, it seems they have taught you a bit about strength haven’t they Pearl.  You’ve never been able to resist my direct orders in person before.  Even, temporarily. NOW KNEEL!”

Even I felt the urge to kneel, and I couldn’t move. I heard Connie’s thoughts, “ _Steven, what is this?! How is she controlling us?_ ”

“ _I-I don’t know! I feel it too though! I don’t like it!_ ”

Pearl cried out and fell to one knee, but she kept her head up. She was gritting her teeth and she started to cry.  Something about seeing her in tears snapped me out of White Diamond’s control for a moment and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, “PEARL! You’re strong in the REAL WAY!”

White Diamond laughed again, “How quaint.  Let me show you what true strength is. Pearl, when you kneel to me you are to look down, face the dirt that you are equal with.”

Pearl was looking at me though and she smiled.  She mouthed thank you and suddenly stood to her feet and screamed, “NO! I BELONG TO NO ONE!” She shot a beam from her spear that destroyed the control for the devices that paralyzed us and said to Garnet, “Plan B!” Then White Diamond poofed her with a single finger and plucked her gem from the ground.

                “Pearl!” I yelled and tried to rush forward, but Garnet stopped me and grabbed Amethyst.

“We have to go!”

I pushed past Garnet and tried to go for White Diamond, but I felt Garnet’s karate chop the back of my neck and heard, “I’m sorry Stevonnie, we have to leave her,” then everything went dark.

**Steven**

I woke up on the Sun Incinerator with Connie next to me, still unconscious. “Connie!”

“She’s okay Steven,” Garnet came over, “you two just separated after I knock you out.”

“Wait! What about Pearl?”

Amethysts looked away and Garnet sat down, “Steven, Pearl thought White Diamond’s invitation to peace talks might be a trap.  And my future vision confirmed this was both likely and that White Diamond was after Pearl.  So we created two plans, A was to signal that Pearl believed she could make it out with us, and B was for us to leave her behind.”

“We tried to talk her out of it,” Amethyst added, “but she said the chance, even slim, that White Diamond did actually want a peaceful solution was worth the risk.”

I was so angry I started to cry, “Why didn’t you tell me any of this! We’re a team! I thought you guys had finally started trusting me!”

“We do Steven! It’s just, well…” Amethyst looked to Garnet.

“Steven, this is war.  Sometimes we work together with complete transparency…and sometimes you have to make a plan that sacrifices some to protect the rest.  Pearl understood this, and she asked we didn’t include you because she didn’t want you to have to shoulder the burden of willingly leave her behind.  And because…honestly, in all of the futures that I saw this was a trap, we were all shattered, except for the scenario where Pearl overcame White Diamond’s control, and it ended with Pearl being shattered.  It was so improbable that White Diamond would simply destroy Pearl’s physical form and take her gem.  We didn’t have a plan for that, and I couldn’t use my Future Vision since we had pool hopped. So, I made the decision to protect who I could.  It was what Pearl wanted – especially since you joined us instead of staying to protect the ship.”

“We can get her back though right? I mean, we’ve done plenty of things that we were told is impossible, so why would this be any different,” Amethyst didn’t look completely convinced as she spoke.

“I don’t know.” Garnet said flatly. “This timeline is too improbable.”

I covered my face with my hands, “…but, what will happen to Pearl?”

“We had a right to know how dangerous this mission was,” Connie had regained consciousness.

“Connie! Are you okay?” I turned to her and wiped away a tear.

“Steven and I, we had a right to know! And we had a right to know that we might lose Pearl.  I get that we would have felt really bad leaving her behind on purpose…but we had the right to know! Pearl taught me everything she knew about being a knight, I would have understood! I would have,” Connie started crying, “we have to get her back.  We have to save her.”

**Pearl**

                I hadn’t expected to have to reform.  I debated holding off for a while.  I didn’t know what White Diamond had in store for me, but I was certain it would be unpleasant.  My worry if Steven and the others made it out safely wouldn’t let me remain idle though. I hastily thought about my appearance, I decided to keep about the same outfit, except under the star I added the original Crystal Gems symbol that emblazoned our flag back in the war, embroidery that circled around my torso right above my teal sash.  I hoped it would enrage White Diamond…or at least irritated her ever so slightly.

                With a flash of light I took a breath and saw I was in a cell.  It was very different than the one on the ship Peridot and Jasper had come to Earth with.  Everything was white, and there were strange markings that looked similar to a circuit board on the floor.  The same field that disintegrated gems’ physical bodies kept me trapped.  There was no escape.  I looked at every inch anyway, just in case.  All I could see outside of my cell was a small room and a stairwell.

                The cell began to shake and then shot upwards like an elevator.  When it stopped, I was at White Diamonds feet.

“Well, well. Look at you, boldly displaying the mark of a traitor.  Were you hoping to illicit a response from me Pearl?” White Diamond smirked.

I felt tiny. Powerless.  I always struggled with the feeling that I am nothing on my own, but I forgot how suffocating that feeling was in the presence of _her_. There was this…instinct to devote myself and adore this giant being before me.  Survival instincts perhaps, in Earthling terms.  That natural understanding of one lower on the chain than the apex predator, complete with fear. Although, I suppose a lamb never loved the wolf that slaughtered her.  I exhaled sharply from this internal turmoil, my devotion to Rose, to S., to Steven, the Crystal Gems, Earth, my freedom, and the emotions designed within me to follow every whim of the being before me.  I started crying again without wanting to.  I despised my inability to contain my emotions the way Garnet could for what was surely the millionth time.

“Oh Pearl, my precious Pearl,” White Diamond gently caught one of my tears on the tip of her finger, which was easily as large as my entire head.  I flinched away from her and cursed myself for not noticing that she had dropped the field that comprised my cell door. “You don’t have to fear me Pearl,” she leaned leisurely back in her throne, crossed her legs and intertwined her fingers. “Do you know why you are here?”

I ignored her question and tried to will my legs to run.  Escape. Take advantage of the lowered door.

“Pearl,” she began in a quiet, sing-song voice and then switched to a stern, pointed tone, “I asked you a question. Do – you – know – why – you – are – here?”

                I felt the distantly familiar gnawing at the back of my skull, my master’s – no, _HER_ will forcing itself upon my own.  I involuntarily stuttered, “I- I d-don’t know.  I- I just reformed to learn what h-happened to the others.”

White Diamond raised an eyebrow, puzzled for a moment, and then smiled, “Oh, you mean those rebels from Earth.  I let them go.  They are Yellow and Blue’s problem to solve. They can return to that doomed planet all they like.  It is nothing of consequence to me.”

I smiled and briefly felt a weight lift off my chest.

“That wasn’t my question though Pearl. Do you KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE?”

                Again I was crushed under the strength of her will. “N-no! I have no idea what you want with me.  I don’t understand why you didn’t just shatter me!”

“Shatter you?” White Diamond laughed, “Why? Because you decided to become a part of some half-baked rebellion on a backwater colony? Oh Pearl, I figured you had become corrupted in Diamond Trio attack.  Even then, I wanted to extract you before the final assault, but the situation simply did not allow it.  Now though, I know you are alive.  I saw the footage of that fiasco of a ‘rescue’ you and your little companions pulled at the human zoo.  I was so thrilled when I saw you, especially as you gloated over Holly Blue. Yellow and Blue have absolutely no idea the little scheme you pulled under their noses, they were too busy wallowing in their own sorrow and self-importance.  But I saw.  And I saw a Pearl, exceeding the limitations of her design.  My Pearl of course.  And naturally I decided I needed to bring you back under my care.  Hone these newly evolved skills you discovered for the betterment of all gem-kind.”

“You-your’e wasting your time if you think I will ever follow you again.” I managed to squeak out under the crushing tides of her control.

“You say that now,” the door reappeared around my cell and I despaired that I had not taken the opportunity to try and escape, “let’s see what you think in a week or so.”  White diamond pressed a control near my cell and electricity surged through my entire physical form.  It wasn’t enough to cause me to retreat into my gem, but it pained me more than anything I had ever experienced.  I didn’t even realize I was screaming until what felt like a few minutes in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe one day I'll actually title my chapters...idk, titles (and summaries for that matter) are not my strong suit. Anyways: The Crystal Gems make contact with Pearl. White Diamond begins trying to reprogram Pearl.

**Steven**

It had been three days since White Diamond had taken Pearl.   Garnet has been in the Temple since we got back to Earth.  Amethyst is trying to keep my spirits up, but she’s having a hard time too. Connie and I have been on the Sun Incinerator with the off-colors trying to find any sign of where White Diamond went with the sensors and listening in on transmissions, but nothing.  The locations of Yellow and Blue are easy to track, but it’s like White is a ghost.  

Cat Steven joined me on my bed, and cuddled up on my chest.  I scratched behind her ears and listened to her purr.   Finally, I was able to fall asleep.

I started dreaming about space. Well, it was more of a nightmare.  I was in a bubble floating aimlessly like when I got sucked out of the Moon Base.  There were asteroids coming up, but they were all shaped like Dewey’s head for some reason.  Then one started talking but all that came out was static.  I guess that’s pretty weird, but my dreams usually are. There was a flash of white light and then I was sitting on a throne, looking out of a huge spaceship.  I didn’t recognize it as a place I had been before.  A hatch opened on the floor and a cell rose up. Pearl was inside, curled in a ball with her arms hugging tight across her chest.  I was having a Diamond dream.

“Are you feeling more cooperative yet my Pearl?”

Pearl, didn’t move. White Diamond pressed a button on the control panel at the arm of her throne and Pearl was shocked. White released the button and commanded, “Stand up Pearl.”

Pearl rose to her feet, “No. I am not feeling more cooperative.  And I never will.”

White Diamond sighed, “You are making this very tedious.  Although I do enjoy a good challenge.  I am intrigued by this will you have developed, but I will break it.”

Pearl smirked, “Go ahead and try.”

White Diamond pressed the control again and I woke up crying Pearl’s name.

                Garnet and Amethyst came up the stairs.

“Steven,” Garnet turned on my room light, “Did you just have a Diamond dream?”

I blinked rapidly as my eyes adjusted to light and nodded, “Yes! And I saw Pearl.”

Garnet grinned, “Good, then we have a chance to find her. Steven, it’s time to see if we can hone your ability to see through other’s eyes.”

“O-okay,” I jumped out of my bed, Cat Steven meowed in protest and landed on her feet, “and we need to do it soon.  White Diamond is hurting Pearl and said something about forcing her to cooperate and breaking her will. And-”

Garnet placed a hand on my shoulder, “Whoa, slow down Steven. Take a breath, you have to be able to relax and focus to find Pearl. Come on, there’s a room in the Temple I use to meditate, let’s go there.”

I nodded, “Okay.”

**Pearl**

“Do you think being obstinate makes you strong Pearl? Do you think it threatens me in any way?” White Diamond asked me as she worked on something on her screen.  I tried my best to steel my mind.  For the past three days she had gone between shocking me, controlling me, and then trying to tear down my will with her words.  No doubt she was about to start another session.

“I know it does.” I said and tried to stand as tall as I could.

White Diamond looked up from her work and commanded, “Pearl, get down on both knees and place your forehead on the ground.”

                I remained standing for only a few moments and then did as she said. The floor was cold on my gem.  I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth. Her control over me was getting stronger and stronger. After thousands of years of freedom, three days was all she needed to regain her hold on me.  No, I couldn’t think like that. I was still my own gem.  I still had some control.

White Diamond rested her head on her fist and spoke, “You are not to speak, only listen.  And you are not to move unless I tell you.  Today I will test how physically strong you have become.  This may make you think you have a chance to stand up to me, but I assure you, no matter how much strength and power you accumulate, it will always be less than mine.  Also remember why I am doing this.  You are nothing but an experiment.  You were and always will be just a tool to me.  The only reason I am bothering with you at all is because I want to see if the time on your own has made you more useful to me.  That is your purpose after all, to be useful to _me_.  I will not shatter you, nor will I injure or allow injury enough to cause you to reform. Either I will forge you into my perfect tool, or I will break you until you are useless and discard you.  There will be no other outcome Pearl.  Your friends will not be able to save you, and you will not escape.  Now then, I will have you face an increasing number of quartz soldiers to test the limits of your fighting abilities. You are not to shatter any of them, and they are not allowed to shatter you.  Once you are more compliant I will test the mechanical abilities that you have also picked up, although I’m sure you will require some guidance after all the upgrades our technology has been through since you left.  And of course, if you continue to insist on stepping out of line, I will force you back into your place. You are a Pearl, you are not autonomous, and you are not a true gem.  You are for me, and you are my tool for me to do with as I please. Now,” she brought in twenty quartz soldiers and lowered the door to my cell, “I’m sure twenty is overkill, but I do hope you surprise me.  Get up Pearl, and fight.”

**Garnet**

Two days had passed since Steven’s White Diamond dream and I had started to try to coach him on controlling his unique ability.  I wasn’t sure if I was helping or if it would work.  I couldn’t foresee a future where we found and rescued Pearl.  But I wanted to rescue her, so I was making the decisions to try and increase that possibility.

We had not been able to see through White Diamond’s eyes again. However, we had successfully been able to think about Amethyst and see through her eyes.  Today she was on the outskirts of Beach City and Steven had been able to enter her dream and stay with her once she woke up.  We also discovered that when I placed my hand on Steven I was able to enter Amethyst’s dream as well. White Diamond would never sleep though, and I wasn’t sure how to proceed.

“Alright Steven, let’s give it another shot.  Focus on White Diamond, remember to keep your breathing steady and think of nothing else.” I placed a hand Steven’s shoulder. Steven took a deep breath in and out, and then closed his eyes.

For a minute, nothing happened, then we heard a sound, but it was too distant.  We saw Pearl way ahead of us. “Let’s walk towards her Steven.”

As we did the darkness slowly turn into the beach, the sunset over the ocean appeared.  We were on the cliff on top of the Temple, except there were pebbles shaped like diamonds on the ground.

“Is this,” Steven looked at me, “Is this Pearl’s dream?”

“Let’s find out and try and talk to her.” I said and then yelled Pearl’s name.

She turned around and stood up, “G-Garnet? Steven?”

Steven ran up and hugged her, “It is your dream!”

“Oh,” she hugged Steven back, “yeah. But why are you here? And how is Garnet here?”

Steven excitedly explained, “Oh, I had a Diamond dream and I saw you through White Diamond’s eyes so Garnet has been trying to help me control my power better so I can see through her eyes again and try to find out where you are. And we discovered I can bring her with me when she’s touching me.  I guess I was thinking too much about you though so we’re here.  I thought you didn’t like to sleep?”

Pearl fidgeted, “Well, I didn’t.  But lately… it’s been a nice break I guess.  Not always, but this dream has been.  Especially now that you’re here.”

“Sooo, how are you doing?” Steven asked.

“Oh, um, hanging in there. I beat thirteen of White Diamond’s quartz soldiers,” she puffed her chest out and put her hands on her hips, “I was trying to beat all twenty but the last seven were a little more experienced…oh, and I tried to punch my Diamond in the face, but I telegraphed the attack a little too much so it didn’t exactly end well. I did impress her though.  So I’ll be fine, and coming for me is too dangerous.” Pearl locked eyes with me, “White Diamond won’t shatter me, but you guys aren’t hers, she’ll shatter you without a second thought.”

“You’re not her gem either Pearl.” I said.

Pearl blushed and she covered her mouth for a second then said, “R-right.  I am my own gem. I meant, you were never her gems so – ” the ground started shaking.

“Wh-what’s happening?” Steven struggled to keep his balance.

“Oh no,” Pearl wrapped her arms like she was hugging herself, “Guess it’s time again.  Garnet, please listen. Stop looking for me, don’t try to rescue me.  It’s too dangerous.  My Diamond,” she gasped, “Wh-white Diamond is too strong.  If you come for me she’ll kill all of you and I – I honestly don’t think I could keep fighting her after,” she started tearing up, “please, just leave me, it’s too late.”

The sun turned into White Diamond’s face and her voice overpowered the sound of the ocean, “Stand up Pearl.”

Pearl woke up and we stayed with her.  She stood up slowly, her legs shook and her right arm dangled uselessly at her side.  She was in a cell.  I could tell we were on a ship, but not where the ship was.  I desperately searched for some sort of defining characteristic to locate her with but the ship was traveling so the stars were just blurs.  Pearl didn’t have a good view of White Diamond’s console either.

White Diamond spoke, “Oh, looks like you have two visitors in your head.”

Pearl gasped, “Wh-what? No, of course not, how would that be t-true.”

“Steven, get us out now!” I yelled.

“Huh, but do you know where Pearl is?”

“Steven, NOW!” I could feel White Diamond’s presence.  She was a mind controller, and she was closing in on us.  Steven pulled us out just in time.

                “Wh-what was that?” Steven gasped, and we were back in the temple. “Right before I pulled us out.  I-it felt like someone was about to grab us.”

“It was White Diamond. She has powers over gems’ minds Steven.  You felt it before right?”

“Y-yeah. What would have happened if she had caught us in Pearl’s mind?”

“I don’t know,” I stood up and opened the door to Steven’s room, “but I could feel ill-intent.  I’m sure she meant to harm us somehow. Now please, leave me.  I need to be alone and think Steven.”

“Oh, um, okay.  I should probably rest a bit anyway.  All this mind hopping is pretty draining.” Steven walked out.

“That’s a good idea. Oh, Steven!”

He whirled around.

“You did a great job. I love you.” I smiled and closed the door.

                We started arguing out loud.

“What are we going to do Sapphire? White Diamond is so strong.  And she’s starting to get to Pearl – those diamond shaped pebbles, the way she kept slipping up and talking like White Diamond owns her.”

“What can we do? What can we possibly do? I can’t see a future where we find Pearl and we can’t risk going back into Pearl’s mind and White Diamond getting us. Pearl wasn’t being dramatic when she said she wouldn’t be able to fight any more if something happened to us.”

“We can’t just leave her there!”

“I know, but we can’t even find her.”

“It’s our fault she’s there in the first place, we have a responsibility to rescue her.  We should have told her it was too dangerous to meet with White Diamond, we should have tried to get her before we escaped. We should – ”

“Stop Ruby, that isn’t helping.  We can’t change the past, we can only forge a new future.”

“And what future are we forging?! One where we give up and let that monster keep hurting Pearl?!”

“That isn’t what I want and you know it!”

“I – I know, I’m sorry.” We looked at our gems. “I’m just… so mad and lost. I hate feeling blind and helpless.”

“I know. I feel the same way.  Nevertheless, arguing isn’t getting us any closer.  And using Steven’s mind hopping abilities has become too dangerous.  We have to think of something else.”

I clenched my fists, “I have to find another way.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems and Pearl get a surprise visit. White Diamond continues her efforts to reprogram Pearl.

**Amethyst**

Pearl had been gone for six days now.  Steven told me how he and Garnet had managed to get into contact with Pearl, but that White Diamond was on to them.  Pearl and I butted heads a lot… but I really did care about her.  Thinking about her stuck with some tyrant talking down about her, hurting her, telling her she’s worthless… I hated that.  It reminded me of how small I was.  That was something that Pearl and I always related about.  She was told since the beginning of her existence that she was worthless and powerless until she met Rose.  And I was born wrong.  I was supposed to be big and strong and instead I was tiny and weak. 

As I learned more about Homeworld I kinda understood Pearl better too.  Her need for order and tidiness, how she was uptight and afraid to make mistakes, how she easily became obsessed with someone or something – all made sense when you spent a good part of your life serving someone else.  She could still be really annoying, but, mostly I looked up to her.  I would never admit that to her though. I was glad I had been able to help a little with Garnet and Steven trying to find her, but it was just as a guinea pig.  Outside of that it was all out of my control.  Like everything.  Garnet had put an end to Steven trying to look through White Diamond’s eyes though since they almost got busted. Steven was upset and tired, so Garnet had Greg take him and Connie out for a break.

I was in Steven’s room, not really sure what to do.  Pearl and Garnet, they lost tons of other gems during the war. But this was all new to me, the closest thing was Rose turning into Steven and that was completely different.  Sure Pearl wasn’t dead yet but, it was hard to not think of her as impossible to get to.  I kept thinking about all the stuff we did like I was in mourning.  The time we beat the giant bird as Opal, when we got into that fight at my kindergarten that ended up bringing us closer together, whenever she would surprise me like, punching Peridot in the mouth, or gunning it from the cops when she was chasing that girl.  The image I kept trying not to think about but was burned into my memory whenever I closed my eyes though was her in tears after White Diamond had forced her to kneel.  I hated it.  I hated how it made me feel, and I hated that I wanted to kneel and ran away as soon as I could cuz I was scared.

I went to the fridge to make a giant burrito out of whatever Steven had.  There was a knock at the door. It was the pink-haired girl.

“You, you were with Pearl when we met. I’m looking for her,” she said, “the people in town told me she lived here and I just wanted to check on her.  Last time we hung out she told me she had to go on a dangerous mission and might not make it back and now I haven’t heard from her. Is she here? Did she make it out alive?”

**Steven**

                 Garnet, Amethyst and I were all on our way to where the Sun Incinerator was parked on the beach. Dad had taken me and Connie to Funland to try and relax and when we came home S., the girl Pearl met and had been texting, spent the evening with us.  Right before bed, Lars texted me to head over quickly because they had found a lead.

Lars was grinning ear to ear, “So, you guys know how we’ve been able to track Yellow and Blue Diamond but found no trace of White Diamond.”

“Y-Yeah, that’s why we’ve been trying to find other ways of finding Pearl,” I replied.

“Well, we think we got her, show ‘em Rhodonite.”

“Oh, uhh, well, I’ve been tracking Yellow and Blue since, well, mostly since I could and they just met up. According to my sensors though, there is absolutely nothing where they met.”

“Well, they did seem like good friends.  Maybe they’re just saying hi?” I asked.

“That’s what I thought at first too, but,” Rhodonite showed us a different part of the sensor logs, “Both Diamonds and their Pearls leave their ships and just vanish at a point in the center of their ships. And since we can’t see White Diamond’s ship on the sensors –”

“Then it must be White Diamond’s ship!” I put my hands up in the air out of excitement.

“Bingo-bongo,” Lars snapped both of his fingers. “You ready for a rescue mission?!”

**Pearl**

                “Well, well, how the mighty have fallen.”

I opened my eyes and saw Blue and Yellow Pearl in the room outside of my cell.  I stood up and put the arm White Diamond didn’t crush when I tried to hit her on my hip. I tried to think of a witty comeback but I was still reeling from White Diamond leaving the shock on for – well I wasn’t sure how long exactly, just that it was punishment for Garnet and Steven visiting.  She told me every session her first question will be if I had any more visitors and if the answer was yes the punishment would get worse.  No doubt her plan was to cut me off and make me fearful to see them again. 

“So, Defect,” Yellow Pearl smirked, “how much longer until you crack?”

“Yellow,” Blue Pearl said quietly, “don’t be mean.”

Yellow Pearl snorted, “Why not? Look at this pathetic Defect.  She was lucky enough to belong to the illustrious White Diamond and was then gifted to Pink Diamond until Pink Pearl was made and what does she do? Abandons it all for some quartz soldier on a far-flung colony.  For what, that silly organic life there?”

“For more than that.” I glared at her, “That far-flung colony granted me freedom, independence, the ability to make choices for myself.  Learning whatever I wanted. Everything you can’t do under a Diamond.”

Yellow Pearl raised an eyebrow, “That’s all?  Doesn’t seem worth this price does it?” She gestured to my cell, “Not to mention your fashion sense seems to have become horribly corrupted.”

“Pfft, oh please, you’re in a monochrome leotard with oversized shoulder wings, you can hardly comment on anyone’s fashion sense.  As for if being my own gem was worth the price, absolutely.  You should try it out some time, might do you some good.”

Yellow Pearl laughed, “Why would I do that? My life has more purpose than most gems even dream of, and my Diamond is second to no one – except White Diamond of course. Why would I ever want anything else?”

“It might be fun.  Just go on, make one decision. Just one. Figure out something you want and just do it.  What could it hurt, if you’re so certain in your loyalty and happiness as an owned gem. C’mon, there must be something you want.”

Yellow Pearl grinned from ear to ear, “If you insist.” She pressed the shock control on the outside of the cell, which honestly, I probably should have seen coming.

I stood back up after Yellow Pearl released the control.  I smiled and laughed, “Congratulations. You just made your first decision without considering the will of your Diamond.  Albeit a bit of a sadistic decision, but still, you just asserted your own will.  Maybe I can make a rebel of you yet.”

Yellow Pearl blushed and stumbled to say anything in her anger.

I looked at Blue Pearl, “How about you? Any “defects” in your make-up? Any decisions you want to make without asking your Diamond first?”

“Why you,” Yellow Pearl stomped her foot, “I’m not the defective one, you are! And if you think one action is enough to – ”

Yellow Diamond’s voice sounded from the stairwell, “Pearls, get up here at once, it’s time to go.”

Both Blue and Yellow Pearl jolted to attention. Yellow Pearl composed herself and smiled, “Looking forward to the next time I see you once White Diamond has cured you of your imperfection.” She closed her eyes, turned her nose up in the air, and walked upstairs.  Blue Pearl followed her, although she briefly paused and looked back at me.  Well, I assumed she was looking at me, I couldn’t exactly see her eyes with her hairstyle, but her face was pointed in my general direction.

                I was feeling…hopeful? It was a small victory, but I hadn’t thought one of them would actual fall for my taunts and do something without being ordered to by their Diamond.  My cell started rising up and I kept a smile on my face and hand on my hip.  I was ready for her. Today I was going to give her a hard time.

White Diamond was working at her console again, “Pearl, you are progressing nicely.  I think it’s time we move on to the next phase of your rehabilitation.”

“Ha, if you think this is progress you’re not just a tyrant, but a delusional tyrant.”

White Diamond glanced at me for a second and smirked, “I see meeting with your fellow Pearls has boosted your morale a little.  Did you do something that made you feel superior? It’s a great feeling isn’t it? Being in control of another gem, manipulating them with your words.”

“Th-that’s not – ”

White Diamond pulled up footage of the exchange between myself and Yellow Pearl and laughed. “Well, turns out you have a natural ability to goad gems into doing what you want.  Perhaps something you learned from me.  Didn’t I warn you though? Any power you amass is still nothing compared to mine.  Get down on your knees Pearl, face to the ground and admit that you belong to me and your power is my power.”

Just like that, my hopes were dashed, I felt her in my mind and I obeyed. I didn’t even stutter as I said, “I am your Pearl. My power is your power.”

“What are you Pearl?”

“I am your tool to be used as you please.”

“Who do you belong to?”

“I – ugh, I belong to you,” I manage to pause for a second.  Of course I started crying.  Amethyst on more than one occasion pointed out how much I cried, more than any of the other Crystal Gems. I was too embarrassed to admit it, but I really was the crybaby of the group.

“Good,” White Diamond returned to her work, “Now Pearl, stand up and tell me all of your flaws, and all of the things you have done that you regret.”

I tried to not stand up, I tried to cover my mouth. Instead, I started crying harder, “I cry too much! I’m worried all the time about everything. I go between feeling insecure and completely selfish.  I get obsessed with people and plans even when it becomes unhealthy.  I’ve let everyone I cared about down.  I couldn’t save a single gem in the war.  I couldn’t be happy for Rose when she truly fell in love because it wasn’t with me. I nag Amethyst too much and made her feel like a mistake because of where she was made for thousands of years and I never even realized it until we got into a fight! I tricked Garnet so I could fuse with her even though I know how precious fusion is to her just because I wanted to feel strong and complete. I’ve almost killed or let Steven die three times because I secretly hope that Rose will come back when his physical body dies even though I love Steven too! The only reason I’m good at anything is because I practice and train constantly.  I wasn’t even a good mentor.  When I first started training Connie, I made her feel like nothing, the way you made me feel like nothing!” I finally succeeded in covering my mouth with my hand. I felt White Diamond’s control recede.

“Pearl, all of these things, they’re all because you turned your back on me.  You’ve never really broken out of your programming, you just started seeking your life’s purpose in other places and gems.  But those gems are far inferior, so you are always left feeling incomplete. Now you are back Pearl, you are at my side where you belong.  I am proud of your progress.  I know right now it may not seem like it, but soon, we will move pass this unpleasantness and you will be complete and happy standing freely at my feet.  The sooner you embrace this, the sooner we can move on from this. It will be your final choice Pearl. Now, I must focus on my work.”

                I sat down as my cell lowered back to the room below.  I couldn’t believe all of the things I had just blurted out. I was still covering my mouth.  Once the cell stopped moving, the walls all turned into screens. An audiovisual recording of the exchange that just took place started with White Diamond asking me to tell her my flaws and ended with her saying, “It will be your final choice Pearl,” and then it looped over and over and over.  I closed my eyes and tried to take refuge in my dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl starts losing it. A rescue attempt begins. A decision is made.

**Pearl**

                I had lost track of all the days.  I had decided to pretend to be more compliant so White Diamond would let me have access to the ship’s technology, so I knew from the star dates it was at least nine days. I had also decided to keep my spirits up with a secret “mission” to figure out what White Diamond was working on at her console and pretending I was becoming more loyal.  It was mostly working.  She had my arm healed and hadn’t shocked me in a while.  The recording of my… shortcomings was still playing non-stop in my cell though and I had replaced the star and symbol of the rebellion with the four Diamond symbols, her’s being most prominent.  It was a condition of being out of my cell so visitors would see my loyalty had changed.

The results were mixed. On one hand, for some of the days I felt great, watching that recording forced me to tackle all the things I disliked about myself and how I was going to improve. Each mistake was a lesson on those days. I thought about going to Empire City with Steven and Greg and finally burying the hatchet between us. Steven had been right, Greg and I had more in common than we thought.  I remembered Amethyst embracing me at the kindergarten after our fight and how our relationship was improving as I was getting over losing Rose.  I remembered that I really was getting over Rose and thought about S.

                I really missed S. on those days. We had communicated daily via the cellular phone by calls and then this thing she showed me called “texting”. And we had met up several times.  I felt surprisingly at ease around her and… equal.  I always saw Rose as superior to me, but S. and I, we were just… together. Right before I left on this mission, I told her about White Diamond.  How I was owned and served her before the war.  I warned her that I probably wouldn’t make it back.  I wasn’t sure how she would react.  We shared our first kiss and she gave a thing called a USB stick that she said had all of her favorite songs on it.  I had been confused about what I was supposed to do with it and she said, “Music is one of my favorite things in the world.  I’m going to miss that collection.  And I’m going to miss you. So, I’ll be twice as happy when you bring it back.”  Then we drove around on her motorcycle until the sun had set.  I still had her music stored in my gem.

I remember when I was sitting in the living room, so involved in my head beating myself up about lying to Garnet that I didn’t even notice when Steven walked in at first with a script.  He sat next to me and told me how the character was unrealistic because he was perfect, and then shared wisdom I will never forget, “Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going, and it’s hard, which is why it’s great when you never stop trying.” It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.  For a second I wished Steven was with me.

Then there were the bad days. Those days all of my mistakes made me feel like I deserved to lose my independence.  Those days I had a hard time not feeling like I really have never broken out of my programming, that I really had just gone from Diamond to Rose, to Steven.  I wondered if I ever really had a will of my own.  I wondered if I even deserved to.  I thought of the other many times I failed.    I felt like this was all there was going to be for my life from now on. That my little secret mission and “self-evaluation” was just a desperate grab at sinking ship. The past two days had been bad days.  When my Diamond sent me back to the cell, my recording was unbearable.  So, I wrapped my sash around my eyes and ears and went to sleep.

**Amethyst**

                We had been in space for almost two weeks. Well, mostly, Steven had gone back to Earth through donut boy’s – er – Captain Lar’s head a few times.  We hadn’t been able to predict where White Diamond’s ship had gone after the meeting with Yellow and Blue.  We were going to give up, but then Yellow visited an invisible thing again so we headed to that area.  That was yesterday. Garnet said if we didn’t have any luck today we would go back to Earth, resupply, and rethink our plan.  Rhodonite said something about if we watch the other two Diamonds for a while and mark everywhere they met up with White Diamond we could use triangle or something to track her, triangulate maybe, I don’t know, I had gotten bored at that point.

                Steven argued with Garnet for a while. Said we shouldn’t leave Pearl out here that long and this was our best shot, but Garnet shut him down.  He stormed off the bridge.  Garnet was pretty angry so I decided to follow him.

“Hey Steve-man, wait up.”

He turned around, “I know Garnet’s right but…I don’t want Pearl to be alone anymore.  We’re a team, we should face things together, especially the leader of the entire gem empire! But instead, Pearl is stuck with her, by herself. And, and I can’t do anything about it.” He fought back tears.

I sighed, “Steven c’mon, you’ve been able to do more to try and locate Pearl than me. I mean, I was just a guinea pig remember?” I transformed into a guinea pig with long hair.

Steven’s eyes lit up, “Amethyst! You’re a genius!”

I chuckled, “Yeah, I know. Wait why?” I reverted back to my normal form.

He zipped really close to me, “I have an idea, but we can’t let Garnet know. Let’s go somewhere more private.” He grabbed my hand.

“Uh, okay,” I followed him to this little maintenance room.

                “Amethyst, I’m going to try to see through White Diamond’s eyes again…or at least through Pearl’s eyes. I want you to come with me, that way, between the two of us, we can increase the odds of seeing something that will help us find Pearl!”

“Uh, isn’t that like, really dangerous Steven? What if White Diamond finds us in her head or whatever?”

Steven nodded, “Yes, a huge risk.  But so was Pearl meeting up with White Diamond in the first place. And I think it’s worth the risk.”

His face was so determined.  I thought I probably should go tell Garnet but… I did want to find Pearl.  And maybe I could be useful. “Well, it sounds like your mind is made up. If you’re gonna do it anyway, I might as well come along.”

                Everything was dark for a little bit.  Then there was a distorted voice that sounded like Pearl maybe.  A cage appeared ahead of us.  We went towards it and saw Pearl inside, covering her ears.  As we got closer we could hear all sorts of things being shouted at her. White Diamond’s voice telling her she was nothing but a tool, Suglite saying she ain’t nothing, Peridot calling her an accessory, her own voice telling her she didn’t deserve to be her own gem.  It was really hard to see.

Steven seemed oblivious and ran right over, “Pearl! We’re back!”

Pearl was shocked as she turned around, “Steven?!”

Suddenly the scenery changed to the strawberry battlefield, although Pearl’s distorted voice was still in the distance.

Pearl recoiled away, “No, no, you can’t be here.”

“Whoa, whoa, P. It’s us, it’s really us. Steven and I are just trying to find you.”

Pearl started crying, “No, no, no.  My Diamond will be furious! Do you have any idea what she’ll do to me?!”

“Y-your diamond?”  I put my hand on Steven’s shoulder to stop him from hugging Pearl.  There was something off about her.

“I, I can’t do this! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t!” Pearl threw her hands out.

Everything was black again. Pearl was awake and we were still in her head.  She removed her sash from her eyes and ears and started pacing, “What am I supposed to do! I can’t handle this right now. I can’t, oh, she’s going to ask me if I had a visitor and I’ll have to say yes and then she’ll – no, no!”

“Whoa,” Steven said, “she’s really freaking out. Hey, her arm is better though. But… the symbol on her shirt.”

“Yeah,” I listened to the recording as it looped again, “Geez, this is some twisted and sick sh – ”

The entire cell started shaking and rising up.

“Okay Amethyst,” Steven made his serious Steven face, “we don’t have a lot of time now. White Diamond caught on to us really fast so we’ll only have a few seconds before we have to leave.”

Pearl started freaking out even more, “No! I can’t,” she started sobbing, “I can’t handle this right now.” She tried to summon her weapon but something about the room stopped her, “I can’t.” she grabbed her own gem right as White Diamond appeared.

                Then we were back on the ship, “Whoa! Did she just rip her own gem out of her forehead to poof herself?! Gee, Pearl can be hardcore sometimes.”

“Oh, so that’s what happened,” Steven stood up and looked around, but there was something…wrong in his tone. He intertwined his hands behind his back and spoke, “So you decided to bother my Pearl again.”

“Wh-what?”

“You know, it’s not nice to distress her like that.  We were making such good progress and now I’ll have to punish her because of your actions.” Steven gave me a side glare.

“S-steven?”

“Oh,” he looked at his own hands, “So this is the _Steven_ Pearl spoke about.  What on odd little being, I’m surprised it has any telepathic abilities at all, although obviously inferior to my own,” he smirked.

“White Diamond?” I clenched my fists.

Steven grinned even wider, “Good guess little over-baked quartz. Now then, whose ship is this? I can’t have you interfering with my Pearl anymore.”

“Sh-She’s not yours!” I shouted and summoned my whip.

White Diamond Steven didn’t even notice my action and kept looking around, “It’s green so this must be a gem under Yellow Diamond’s authority.  Hmm, perhaps a stolen ship then.  Now, just a quick look at the bridge and I’ll know exactly –”

I hit Steven in the head with my whip and knocked him out.  I had panicked.  I wasn’t really sure what else to do.  I hoped between Garnet and I knocking him out twice the past couple of weeks wasn’t gonna hurt his brain or something. “Oh geez, Garnet is gonna be furious.”

**Pearl**

                What did I just do?  Why did I just? What was I doing?! Steven and Amethyst… no, I couldn’t think about that.  My Diamond would be furious as it was, no! Not my Diamond! Oh no, I was losing my mind. I had to turn things around.  The Crystal Gems were close.  If I played everything right I could help out in my own rescue and go home. Could I, really though?

                I reformed and appeared before White Diamond.  I was in her hand and she smiled. “Well, at least your dress is starting to match who you really are.”

I was confused; I looked down and was horrified that I had chosen a green leotard with blue and yellow stripes on the side and pink lace skirt and shoulder pads.  In the center of my chest was a white diamond.  It was a modernized version of an outfit I had worn long ago. It was a representation of the fact that white light was made of all the colors on the spectrum and another reminder of White Diamond’s superiority.  It was something I used to take pride in, at least before…

I saluted, “My Diamond, I was visited by two rebels from the planet Earth and I panicked.  I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, your radiance, so I destroyed my own physical form so they could no longer maintain contact with me.” It was mostly true. I had panicked when I saw Amethyst and Steven in my dreams, although my reaction was more out of pure selfishness.  I couldn’t bear to be in my cell, with the shock left on and my recording playing.  It was just too much for where I was at that day. I regretted pushing them away though.  I should have taken advantage of our time as long as I could have. I hoped my lie would be believable enough.

“Hmmmm,” White Diamond placed me at a central console, “this is quite a vexing situation Pearl.  On one hand, you cannot control the actions of rebels.  On the other hand…perhaps you are simply trying to trick me.”

I saluted again, “My Diamond, I am done devoting myself to a cause that left me unfulfilled. I am your Pearl. I am your tool. Please believe my earnestness my, illustrious and luminescent leader.

                White Diamond stared at me for a while, “You speak the words and you wear the clothing Pearl.  But do you mean them?”

She waved her hand to indicate she didn’t want me to respond.

“I have a choice for you Pearl.” She brought the Sun Incinerator up on the screen in front of me. “On this ship are the last remaining defective gems from Earth.  They are close by, no doubt looking for you. I will leave your mind and let you decide Pearl.  Destroy them, and you can take your rightful place at my side.  Refuse, and I will have to punish you for the visitation.  Decide Pearl.”

                I felt the tendrils of my Diamond’s will retreat from my mind. For a second I was lost.  She had been with me so constantly the past week I had forgotten what it felt like without her. “My final choice,” I said out loud and pulled up the weapons systems and aimed at the Sun Incinerator.

I heard several voices in my head. Steven saying, “Well I think you’re pretty great.” Amethyst yelling, “You’re so hardcore P.!” Garnet telling me, “There are times I look up to you for strength; you are your own gem.” Rose saying, “My Pearl, you’re wonderful.” And S. telling me, “So I’ll be twice as happy when you bring it back.”  I smiled. White Diamond hadn’t realized how far I had gotten into the control system.  With a few button pushes, I shut her entire system down.  Then I summoned my spear, turned to White Diamond and yelled, “I AM A CRYSTAL GEM!”

                Fury was etched into every crevice of White Diamond’s face as she raised her hand and attacked.  All I could see was the blinding light of her Diamond symbol.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Off Colors are awesome.

**Garnet**

     I had sent Steven and Amethyst back to Earth and we were following in the ship.  I couldn’t believe Steven had mind hopped again.  And that Amethyst had allowed it.  From what she told me, they put Pearl, themselves, this ship, and this entire mission at jeopardy.  

Rhodonite spoke up, “Wait, something just appeared on the sensors out of nowhere.  Their systems have completely shut down.  I think it might be White Diamond!”

“What, but how? Rutile twins, slow us down,” Lars ordered, “What do you think Garnet?”

“It could be Pearl’s doing and this is the best chance we have to rescue her. It could also be a trick in order to lure us closer and destroy us.”

“Oh, White Diamond’s ship is about to lose power!” Padparascha interjected.

“Well, it’s a huge risk, but it sounds worth it to me.  What do you gems think?” Lars asked his crew.

“Well,” Rhodonite gulped, “I guess we might as well try to get her since we’re already in danger.”

The Rutile twins gave two thumbs up.

Fluorite slowly said, “Let’s do it.”

Padps added, “I predict everyone will agree to go rescue Pearl.”

I grinned, “Thanks gems, it means a lot to me.”

“Full speed ahead!” Lars flipped his cape as he pointed forwards.

“On it,” the Twins hit the controls.

Right before we got close enough, the ship regained power, but we knew where it was at least.

“Captain,” Rhodonite reported, “a small pod with a Pearl was just launched from White Diamond’s ship! It’s going to go straight into this system’s central star!”

“What? After it, quick!” Lars ordered.   

We received a transmission from White Diamond, “How amusing that you thought you could take me on with that puny little ship.  I suppose all you Earth rebels must suffer from a lack of understanding when it comes to power. Regardless, it amuses me but is of no consequence.  I do suggest you hurry up getting that Pearl if you still want her.  I have no further use for her.  I’ll warn you though, she won’t be any use to you either.” White Diamond laughed and ended the transmission.

“Can we get her?” Lars asked.

“We are going to be cutting it close,” one of the Twins said, “It will be hard to tell if we will get there in time. Rhodonite, you have only one shot,” the other twin added.

“Oh geez, you know I don’t like to be pressured. Just don’t crash us into the star.”

“You got this Rhodonite, I may have been the one to design the grapple, but you’ve got the best accuracy with it in the galaxy.” Lars winked.

“I’m the only one with _any_ accuracy with this thing in the galaxy!” Rhodonite started screaming due to the stress.

I held my breath and thought, “ _Please, please make it in time._ ”

The Rutile Twins pulled us away safely from the star at the last second, although there were a lot of turbulence. “Did you get her Rhodonite!?”

Rhodonite used all of her arms to wipe the sweat from her forehead and closed her eyes, “Just barely.  She’s in the hold.  I hope to never do that again. I was so stressed I thought I was going to spontaneously shatter.”

“Thank you!” I yelled and ran as fast as I could to the hold. After seventeen days with White Diamond, we had Pearl back. I didn’t know what kind of shape she would be in, but I was sure it wouldn’t be good since she hadn’t tried to stop the ship from incinerating her.   When I got there Pearl hadn’t even opened the escape pod up.  I started worrying she was shattered and White Diamond had just been taunting us.

    I opened up the pod and was surprised to see Pearl just sitting in it.  Her gem looked perfectly fine and there wasn’t any damage to her physical body, except her eyes looked…lifeless.

“Pearl, it’s me, it’s Garnet.” I dematerialized my sunglasses. Pearl didn’t move, she didn’t even look at me. “Pearl, snap out of it, you’re safe, you got away from White Diamond.” I grabbed her shoulders and gently shook her, but still didn’t get a response. I started to cry, “Oh Pearl, what did she do to you?”

    Rhodonite and Padparascha joined me.

“Oh no!” Padparascha exclaimed, “I have a vision that White Diamond will launch a direct attack on Pearl and imprison her mind.”

Rhodonite covered her mouth, “Oh no. We were too late.”

“What do you mean Papds? White Diamond attacked but didn’t corrupt her?”  I replaced my shades.

“Yeah,” Rhodonite closed her top set of eyes and looked down at the floor with the other, “I’ve seen this before.  One of the Ruby guards went on a mission to see Yellow Diamond with our Morganite.  Apparently, she made a really big mistake and Yellow Diamond attacked with a Diamond symbol.  Morganite barely had time to get the other three guards to look away.  It was like she turned her into a machine.  She couldn’t do anything on her own.  Once she overheated an engine because she was told to start up the thrusters but not told to then push the button to engage them. Another time she walked into a wall because she was told to march forwards but not told to go to a specific spot or stop.  The most we ever got out of her was one of her close Ruby friends could occasionally get her to smile when she told her a story, but that was it.  One mission they told her to get out of the ship and guard it, but they forgot to tell her to get back in before returning to base and our Morganite ordered them to not retrieve her.  She’s probably still standing exactly where they left her.”

    “I predict Rhodonite will make herself sad remembering a Ruby she once knew that also had a Diamond directly attack her mind.” Papdparascha clasped her hands together.

“Wait, so sometimes she did respond though?” I looked back at Pearl, “It just had to be a close friend.”

“Well, yeah, but it wasn’t all the time.  And it was barely a smile.”

I wiped away my tears, “Well, maybe there’s hope then.  We just have to get her home.”

**Amethyst**

    Steven and I were on the beach waiting for the others to get back.  We were both nervous because we knew Garnet would still be mad.  She hadn’t really said much to us except to order us home. Once she got back though, we figured we would either get the Garnet silent treatment, or a Garnet lecture.  Steven wasn’t as cheerful as normal after White Diamond had taken over him, so I hoped it was the lecture and then we could move on.  I knew Steven was feeling bad cuz we ended up putting everyone in danger, but I had been just as guilty so I wasn’t really sure what to tell him.  Oddly, the thing I think he needed the most was Pearl fretting over him, telling him the ways he could have been injured, and then hugging him or some junk. A small part of me hoped that maybe Pearl would step off the ship because they had managed to launch some insane rescue after we were sent home.

“Oh, there it is!” Steven pointed up, “Help me with the banner.”  We had spent yesterday making a banner that said Welcome Back to Mission Control cuz Steven needed something to take his mind off things. I grabbed one end and we had just unrolled it when the force from the ship landing ripped it in the center.

“Oh no,” Steven looked at the half still in his hands, “Now how will they know where they’ve landed.”

I chuckled and teased Steven’s hair, “Don’t worry Little Buddy, I think they know.”

    Garnet came over to us and squatted down to our level.

Lars yelled while running away, “Hey Steven, hey Amethyst, I’m gonna go change!”

“Where is Donut boy off to in such a hurry?” I asked, nervously avoiding the fact that Garnet was about to say something important and hard.

“He just wanted to give us space,” Garnet said.  She took her glasses off and covered her eyes. She was crying.

“Garnet? Wh-what happened?” Steven asked hesitantly.

“We rescued Pearl,” Garnet said, and looked at us with all three of her eyes. She wasn’t smiling though.

“Oh! That’s great! So those are tears of joy! Where is she then?” Steven was being optimistic.  

“Steven,” Garnet put both her hands on his shoulders, “Pearl managed to disable White Diamond’s ship, but White Diamond retaliated.  She directly attacked Pearl’s mind.  Similar to what the Diamond’s did in the last attack on Earth, except she didn’t corrupt her.”

“W-well, then I’ll just heal her. I was almost able to heal Centipeedle, surely I can heal Pearl.”

Garnet smiled, “Always looking on the bright side. But Steven, I don’t know if it will work.  We don’t really know anything about the damage a Diamond can inflict. And Pearl is, well, she’s trapped deep in her mind, so much that she can’t speak to us, or move on her own. She only does exactly what she is told. She is completely…catatonic.”

“I want to see her.” Steven said, his brows were furrowed. “I want to try to heal her.”

    Garnet stood up and replaced her sunglasses, “Pearl, come stand by us on the beach.”

Pearl walked out of the ship and stopped right between Garnet and me.  Except she was…wrong. She looked more like one of her hologram Pearls, her stance was stiff, her face was expressionless, her eyes were blank and she was in this stupid Homeworld get up.  I clenched both of my fists. 

“Do you recognize me?” Steven asked. Pearl didn’t say anything.

“Okay,” Steven spit in his hand and it sparkled, he gently floated up and put his healing spit on her gem.  Pearl’s forehead sparkled until Steven had landed.

Pearl looked at him and Garnet gasped. Pearl smiled for a moment, and then she stiffened up again and went blank.      

    I couldn’t take it anymore. I was too angry and sad. I yelled, “That ain’t Pearl!” I ran off the beach, Steven yelled my name.  I went into my room in the Temple and started throwing my junk around.

**Garnet**

     Steven hadn’t completely healed her, but I think he had done something.  When we were on the ship the most I got out of Pearl was a quick grin. After Steven’s healing spit not only did she smile and look at him, but her hand briefly reached out for Amethyst when she started running away. I held the same hand, “Pearl, can you hear me? It’s Garnet.” She squeezed my hand and made a noise, “Guh-uh”. Then she was gone again.

     “Steven,” I picked Pearl up, “let’s take her to Rose’s healing spring, I think you might have helped her. Maybe your mother’s fountain can do something more.”

He nodded and jumped onto my shoulders. I ran as fast as I could to the warp pad and then to Rose’s Fountain.   Thankfully, it was still running with no problems and the plants had not become overgrown again. I jumped into the fountain and submerged Pearl so her whole body and part of her gem was under water, but her eyes and mouth weren’t.

    Her gem glowed briefly and she said, “Rose.” I single tear fell from her right eye. Then she was gone again. Steven jumped into the fountain and kissed Pearl’s gem.  Nothing happened though. He started crying, “Pearl, please come back.” 

I pulled both of them close and tightly embrace them. I felt Steven hug me tightly, and I felt a brief squeeze from Pearl.  It started to rain, but we stayed there for a few minutes longer.

I carried Pearl back home and walked to the cliff where we had seen her relaxing in her dreams.  I sat her at the edge so she so she could see the ocean and the sunset.  Steven and I took turns telling her stories, all the things that had happened while she was away, all the ways we admired her.  We both got reactions, but they just didn’t last.  When Amethyst came out of her room she spent time with Pearl as well. Pearl even chuckled with Amethyst, but it was all just temporary reactions.

I went to the Temple and covered my face once I was in my room. “We’ve got her home, but now what?”

**Amethyst**

Once I had calmed down I left the Temple and spent time with Pearl.  I talked about all the crazy things we had done together mostly, and I noticed when I talked about going to the show where she met S. she chuckled.  That was more of a reaction then a lot of us had gotten.  So I found her cell phone and texted S. “Hey, we got Pearl, but like her mind is all jacked up from White Diamond.  They can attack gems and make them turn into monsters, and she didn’t do that to Pearl, but Pearl is like, catatonic.  It’s really hard to be around cuz she is just, not Pearl, but if you could come and talk to her I think it might help.”  

Steven spent a lot of time with her trying to help her get back to her old self.   Garnet would pick Pearl up, move her to the couch at night, and then carry her back to the cliff during the day since we all really hated ordering her around. I tried to talk to her again, but it was just too hard.  I ended up saying a lot of dumb stuff and then threw a bunch of stuff down the garbage disposal to watch stuff get ripped apart.

S. came two days after Pearl had returned. She had been on the road and came when she saw my text.  Steven and I wanted to be close to see what would happen, but Garnet made us stay on the porch to give them some privacy. 


**Pearl**

    Everything was white. The last thing I remembered was White Diamond’s eyes, filled with rage and the light of her Diamond blinding me.  Had she corrupted me? Was this what it was like?  I think I had physical form even though I couldn’t feel anything, but I wasn’t actually receiving any signals from the outside world.  I knew I wasn’t bubbled either.  Rose had bubbled me once and sent me back to the Temple when I had taken a blow for her on a mission so I knew what that was like.  It really was just nothing, absolutely no conscious thought.  That was one of the many reasons we decided to bubble the corrupted gems we poofed.

    There was a distorted sound; I focused as hard as I could.  I recognized it as a voice, “Garnet!” I shouted with glee. “Garnet! Garnet, I’m here!” I yelled as loud as I could.  Then there was nothing but white for a while again.  Maybe shutting down White Diamond’s ship had helped and I was rescued and heading for Earth.  Or maybe I was monster and I had just attacked Garnet.   I wasn’t sure.

    The next thing that happened was this odd sensation, and then the white light around me become more...translucent.  I still couldn’t see through it, but there were shapes.  I caught a brief glimpse of Steven’s face, and then heard Amethyst yelling my name and saw her running away, I jumped towards her and tried to grab her, but then she was gone.  Everything was just distorted white blobs.  I started crying, “What is this?! Let me out, let me go!!”  I summoned my weapon and lashed out randomly around me.  I stopped when I felt a cold, but familiar water on my skin. I focused on the shape in the center and it clearly became a statue of Rose Quartz crying. “Rose.” I said. I was on Earth, I was at her fountain.  Something must have been wrong with me and they were trying to heal me.  The shapes came into focus just a little more, but I still couldn’t tell what anything was.

    I felt Garnet’s arm around me for a moment and tried to grab it. Again, I couldn’t hold on.  I kept getting random bursts of stimulus.  A few seconds of the ocean or a familiar voice. The closeness of Garnet carrying me in her arms, the serene breathing of Steven sleeping.  Amethyst crying that she needed me to be back, to really be back. Everything continued to fade though.  I kept trying to focus every time something cut through.  But it was always just temporary. I was starting to feel hopeless.  Of course White Diamond hadn’t been exaggerating when she said she would break me until I was useless.  Then I heard _her_. S.

“I’m here!” I yelled, “I’m back, please, please hear me!”  I could barely make out the color of her hair and a blue flannel at her waist. I remembered I had her music collection in my gem.  I wanted to return it more than anything.  It was one of her favorite things in the world, and if I couldn’t come back to her, at least I would give her music back.  I must have materialized it because I heard her voice clearly, “Oh, my thumb-drive. Now, if only you were back I would be twice as happy.”

Suddenly I felt her. Her warmth, her hand was on my cheek. I grasped for that warmth. I could smell her, and I could hear the ocean more clearly.  Her face became crystal clear, and I could even see the scenery around her. The white barrier was disappearing. I was actually holding the hand S. had on my face. I reached out and pulled her in for a kiss.

                And then the barrier was gone. I could see, hear, and feel everything.  I was on the cliff on top of the temple and the sun was setting.  S. was worried. “It’s okay,” I said, and I stood up, bringing her with me, “I’m back.” She smiled at me.  I looked down and saw the Diamond on my shirt and the barrier started coming back, “N-no.” Everything was fading. Then I saw S.’s hand covering the Diamond. I grabbed her hand and everything came back. I locked eyes with her, “I think maybe a change of clothes is in order.”

She grinned, “Yeah, that does sound like a good idea.”

I got an idea, “Oh, and you know, to celebrate the occasion I think I should be in my absolute best.” With a flash of light, I changed into the tailored suit Greg got me and asked her, “What do you think?”

                She blushed, checked me out, and then grinned from ear to ear, “Well you certainly weren’t exaggerating when you said you looked the best in that outfit.” I was happy. I started crying and laughing at the same time.  I jumped straight up into the air, admired the ocean, and sun, and the breeze.  I took a deep breath and yelled as loud as I can, “I’M HOME!!”

When I landed I grabbed S. and started dancing. I was so happy. I didn’t know how long it would last and I wanted to savor every moment.  S. seemed embarrassed at her dancing abilities so I stopped and just stared at her.

“Pearl!”  I heard Steven yell. I looked down the cliff and saw Amethyst, Garnet, and Steven all heading towards me. I embraced them all and said again, “I’m home.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home, but not home. Important conversations.

**Pearl**

    The day after I came home I changed into my outfit from before I was captured, went into my room in the Temple and tried to remember all of the things I had seen on White Diamond’s console.  The memory of White Diamond asking me who I belonged to suddenly interrupted my thought process. And then the barrier was back and I was trapped in my mind again.  “No, no! Just, let me go!”

I guess I ended up falling down the waterfall into Amethyst’s room since the next thing I heard clearly was her taunting me that she was going to throw me onto one of her junk piles.

“Amethyst NO!” Everything was back, she had me above her head and was running to her nearest junk pile. I flailed my arms which threw her off balance and we both crashed to the ground.  Amethyst laughed, “I knew that would snap you out of it.”

“Amethyst that was not funny. It’s bad enough you have piles of junk in the Temple, but adding me to one of the piles is just, just” I saw her grinning but her eyes were sad and I realized in an odd way I had missed this and thought maybe she had too and that made me start laughing.

     I stood up and dusted myself off, “Thanks for bringing me back.”

She blushed and waved her hand, “Eh it’s no big deal,” she looked away and added, “hey, you know that stuff at the kindergarten...I’ve never held any of that against you. And, I kinda thought it brought us closer together. So like, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

I blushed, “You and Steven saw the recording.”

“Yeah. That was pretty messed up she had it on non-stop so you had to watch it over and over.”

I grabbed my elbow, “It was certainly...draining.  It did make me think a lot though, and I agree with you, even though we fought, it did bring us closer together. Oh no! Steven heard the part about him! Wh-what did he say?”

“Yeeeeah, he didn’t say anything. I’m not sure if he was paying attention.  Honestly though, as messed up as wondering if Rose will come back when Steven dies is, I’ve thought it too. I think, we probably all have. So, don’t beat yourself up about that either.”

I hugged her, “It’s good to be home.”

She hugged me and then pushed away, “Alright, alright, enough with the sappy stuff already. I’ve gotta go rearrange my piles.”

 

It kept happening.  I would be doing something and a memory of White Diamond would interject itself and I would be imprisoned in my head again. Steven found me standing in the living room with a broom next to me after I had started obsessively cleaning and suddenly remembered White Diamond ordering me to tell her all of my flaws. Garnet found me on the stairs leading to the beach when a flash of light reflected off a piece of metal hit my eyes and reminded me of the direct attack I had taken from White Diamond. Steven found me a second time on the sofa with a pen and paper on the coffee table after I had tried again to remember the information I had gathered from White Diamond’s console.  While training with Connie and Steven I missed an attack and remembered White Diamond catching my arm and crushing it when I tried to punch her in the face. They created a rotation so that I would never be alone. I wanted to be alone sometimes though. I wanted things to be normal.

     Steven had fallen asleep watching a movie with me one afternoon so I took advantage and slipped away. There was supposed to be a bad storm soon so I wanted to enjoy the sun for a bit. Without wanting to, I remembered White Diamond commanding me to kneel and press my forehead to the ground. That was all it took.

Time passed. After a while, I saw from the vague shapes I could make out that the squall had started and the tide was starting to rise. I was going to get washed away if I couldn’t break out of it soon. Garnet grabbed me and I was able to cut through the barrier again by focusing on her.  When I got through, we were in the living room dripping water all over the floor. My hand was tightly grasping her shirt right above her chest plate. “Oh, sorry,” I blushed and let go. “Oh no, I made a mess!” I pushed away and grabbed a mop, trying to hide my embarrassment. I felt Garnet’s hand on my shoulder, “Pearl, it’s just going to take time.”

    “Everything okay,” Steven asked from the stairs, “why didn’t you wake me up Pearl, and why were you guys out in this storm?”

“It’s fine, I’m fine, everything is fine.” I used a quick burst of power to get the water off me and started furiously mopping.

“Everything is not fine Pearl, and if you don’t face it things are only going to get worse.” Garnet said sternly.

“How am I supposed to face it?! I really am useless on my own now! One stray thought and then she has me again and I almost get swept into the ocean!” I tried to turn around but slipped in the puddle and landed face-first. My gem clinked against the wood floor. I started sobbing and laughing uncontrollably as I lifted myself into a sitting position.

     I could feel the barrier coming back. “I’m so tired of fighting her,” I managed to speak between short, ragged sobs, “I just want to be here and not think about her and I can’t, I’m just too weak. She’s in a completely different star system and yet she’s still in control.” I wrapped my arms around my torso.

“Pearl,” Steven sat down next to me, “you’re not useless. Or weak. You just need a break and you can’t get one and it’s not fair, and that’s why we’re here for you. No one can fight 24/7, that’s why we’re a team and face things together. That’s why we’re happy your back, because we need you too. Besides, you stood up to her and disabled her ship right under her nose.”

     I shook my head, “Except I almost didn’t disable her ship.”

“Well I’m sure it wasn’t easy. I know I couldn’t have figured out how, th-”

“No, Steven, that’s not I meant. I-”

Amethyst came out of her room in Temple, “Uhhhhh, are we playing in the rain or something?”

I stood up and grabbed Steven a clean pair of pants, “Steven, you got some of the water on your pants, you should change.” I handed them to him.

He hit the pants out of my hand, “N-No. Pearl, we need to talk about this. We don’t know how to help you if you don’t talk to us!”

“I can’t Steven, I’m too tired,” the barrier was closing in, “I just can’t do this right now.” I let the white cage close around me. I could hear Steven and the others trying to snap me out of it but I didn’t focus on them. I just shut everything out.

 

I wasn’t sure how long I had been out. I focused on the distorted shapes and felt warmth.  There was steady breathing as well.  It was S.  I broke through the barrier thinking about her and found myself on the couch.  It was dark and S. had fallen asleep next to me with her head on my shoulder.  I hadn’t even realized she had come over. With as little movement as possible, I stood up, laid her down on the couch, and put a blanket over her.   Garnet came out of the Temple, pointed to the porch and then went outside. I kissed S. on the forehead and then followed.

“I’m sorry I tuned everything out for a while.  I know you all just want to help me. I just, I was just overwhelmed.” The sun was starting to rise; it was gorgeous after the storm.

Garnet crossed her arms, “I understand.  But,” she looked at me and grinned, “keep in mind the silent treatment is my thing.”

I chuckled, “That is true.”

“Are you ready to talk?”

I nodded and closed my eyes. “I hated every moment of being with her. It was horrible, thousands of years of freedom just seemed to disappear. The routine to make me feel like I was nothing, the punishments, the things she would control me to do and say it was all just cruel, and the opposite of what I wanted.  I even lost track of time.  I thought I had only been there for nine to eleven days, not seventeen.  I was so scared after the punishment when you and Steven visited I ripped my own gem out of my body to try to avoid fallout from Steven and Amethyst visiting. And yet,” I gripped the railing as tightly as I could.  My mind was starting to shut down but I pushed through it, “and yet when my Diamond, agh, White Diamond,” I hit my fist against the railing in frustration, “when _White Diamond,_ retracted her will from my mind and let me choose to destroy the Sun Incinerator or accept the punishment for Amethyst and Steven visiting, I, I,” it took every fiber of my will to not shut down again, “I almost destroyed you! I took aim at the ship and brought up the weapons and it wasn’t because I was trying to fool White Diamond while I hacked deeper into the system, it was because for a moment, I had accepted that I would spend the rest of my days under her rule.” I sobbed and heaved.

    “Oh Pearl,” Garnet placed her hand on top of mine; I could feel the smooth triangular cut of her Sapphire gem, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.  What you did was absolutely amazing and unprecedented.  Thousands of gems follow her orders and never even question it, and not even Yellow and Blue Diamond disobey her.  Not to mention I have never heard of a single gem that ever was able to ignore her control and attack like you did before she captured you.  Even I wanted to kneel and she wasn’t focused on me.  But you stood up and freed us. After all she did to you, you still chose to walk your own path Pearl. You didn’t fire at the Sun Incinerator. I’m sure White Diamond didn’t give you access to sensitive systems like her main power either, you secretly figured out how to do that with her in the same _room_. That is what matters Pearl, and that is who you really are. You’re a rebel, you’re different, you are a Crystal Gem.”

    I was able to steady my breathing and smile, I turned my hand over and squeezed hers, “Thank you.” A slight breeze ran through my hair as the night faded into morning. The reds and oranges were slowly bleeding away the dark into a rich pure blue as the birds started their morning serenades. “This truly is a beautiful planet.”

“Yep,” Garnet moved her hand so it dangled over my other shoulder, “and it’s our home.”

S. came out of the house stretching and yawning. Garnet patted me on the back and then made room between us, “Come join us, we’re watching the sun rise.” S. ran one hand through her wavy pink hair and leaned onto the railing, “Looks like it’s going to be a gorgeous day. Great for a bike ride.” 


“I hope we didn’t wake you,” I said and leaned against her.

“Don’t worry about it, I should be awake anyway, have to pick up some stuff for work before I head out for the week. And it sounds like you were able to get something important off your chest too, so that’s good.”

I nodded, “I did, so you’ll be out of town?”

“Yeah, I have to install this new software the company is rolling out in the areas in our region.  It’s just test system for now, but might turn into a national rollout if it does well.  Since I helped develop a lot of it, I’m pretty excited.”

“Hope it goes as planned then.  So will we be able to see each other again before you head out?”

She wrapped her arm around my waist and rested her hand on my hip, “Of course. I’ll be back in the afternoon and we’ll have the rest of the day together.”

I clasped my hands together and smiled, “Good, I’ll be around.”

“Alright,” she pulled me in and gave me a kiss, then walked down the stairs and waved, “See you later babe.”

I blushed at the human term of endearment.

“You two seem to be getting close,” Garnet was grinning.

I blushed even more, “Y-yeah, we really are.  It’s funny, it’s only been a few months but in a lot of ways I feel as close as if it had been thousands.”

“It’s a good feeling isn’t it?” Her grin got even bigger.

I chuckled at her reaction, “It’s wonderful.  Of course being me I do worry.  I know eventually we’ll argue and, I know I can be...over-bearing sometimes, and as long as I don’t get shattered I’ll outlive her by a lot and it will become harder and harder to lose her the closer we get, but, it just feels right.”

Garnet placed her hand on my shoulder, “Just keep talking with her Pearl, communication is the key for a stable fusion and relationship.”

Amethyst came out, “Oh hey P. good to see you back in action.” She stretched, “So what’s the plan today Garnet?”

“Well, there is a mission we should go on. Pearl, do you want to come along?”

“Uh, no not today. I think I’ll just spend some time with Steven. Besides, I want to be here when S. gets back.”

“Ooooooh, you guys gonna go on a hot date?”  Amethyst smirked.

I rolled my eyes, “We’re just going to spend some time together before she has to go on a work trip.”

“Oh really, sure you are,” Amethyst transformed into me and hit her butt “Woomp woomp.”

“Amethyst,” I stomped my foot and crossed my arms, “don’t be vulgar!”

“Me vulgar,” she turned back to normal, “oh I would never.”

“Amethyst, be nice to Pearl.” Garnet placed her hand on top of Amethyst’s head, “Also, we need to get going.” Garnet looked at me, “Pearl, make sure everything runs smoothly here.”

“I’m on it,” I replied and put my hands on my hips. We all went back inside and Amethyst and Garnet warped away. 

Steven slept for a few more hours. After he had gotten ready for the day, he asked where Amethyst and Garnet went.

“Oh, they went out on a mission. But I thought maybe we could use some time together and do something fun, what do you think?”

He didn’t make eye contact and replied, “Y-yeah, sure.”

“Are you okay Steven?”

He paused, “It’s just,” his brow furrowed, “never mind.”

I took in a deep breath, “We need to talk too don’t we?”

He clenched his fists and fought back tears.

“It’s okay Steven,” I sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to me, “Is it about the recording? Amethyst told me you guys saw it.”

“Agh, NO!” He threw his hands up in the air, “I’m mad at you!”

I was taken aback.

“I know you’re having a hard time right now, and I feel bad that I’m angry but I am! You left me behind again. Garnet told me that you knew that one of the outcomes would be White Diamond shattering you and you didn’t tell me, you even went so far to make a plan with Garnet and Amethyst to leave you behind and have me “guard the ship” so I wouldn’t be there.  I could have lost you Pearl and I wouldn’t have even had a chance to say goodbye. Then you wouldn’t let me help you when you were with White Diamond, you kept pushing us away, and last night you wouldn’t even talk to me and I can’t understand why! Do you… do you think I’m useless?”

“Oh no, no, no, no Steven,” I sighed, “I would never in a million years think you are useless Steven.”

“Then WHY!?”

I started to cry, “I can’t believe I made the same mistake again. Oh Steven,” I walked over to him and kneeled down so we were eye level, “I’m sorry I hurt you.  You’re right, I shouldn’t have kept the possibility that White Diamond would shatter me a secret. I- I need to stop treating you like a child, that is my fault,” I closed my eyes, “I was being selfish in a lot of ways. I wanted to protect you, but I also, how to explain this? In my mind, I compartmentalize my life, there’s before when I served White Diamond, and then my life here on Earth. They’re separate, and it’s how it’s supposed to be for me.  When the two were colliding together I just, I didn’t know how to handle it. I still don’t. I wanted to force things to remain as separated as possible. It’s not like I even thought you would think of less of me when you learned White Diamond used to own me, I just, never wanted you to see that part of my life. I’m sorry that I just ended up hurting you instead. Steven, I’m flawed, I keep a lot of things to myself and I can be manipulative, and I think that’s always going to be something I will struggle with.  But I know, with absolute certainty,” I placed my hands on the shoulders and looked into his eyes, “that I need you. You’re right, no one can fight 24/7, and I know I can’t beat White Diamond on my own. Even when I was with her, thinking about you helped me through it. Right before I disabled her ship, I almost gave up, but I remembered all of you encouraging me, and that gave me strength. You help me learn and grow all the time. I’m sorry I shut you out, can you forgive me?”

He crossed his arms and thought then said, “On one condition.”

“Name it.”

He held out his pinky, “You have to pinky swear that you’ll never leave me out of the loop if an intergalactic tyrant might shatter or kidnap you again.”

I smiled and clasped my pinky around his, “I pinky swear that it will never happen again, and, I swear I will keep striving to be better than I am.”

He pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight, “Then I forgive you.”

“Thank you,” I hugged him back.

“Oh,” he let go of me, excited stars in his eyes, “can we get donuts and then come back and play karaoke? I got a whole bunch of new songs and haven’t had a chance to play any of them yet. Please?”

I stood up, “That sounds perfect, you know I happen to be a good singer,” I winked at him. We started walking to the Big Donut and Steven began telling me everything that happened while I was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intel is finally reported. A gap in Pearl's memory discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially this was going to be a short story, but it ended up becoming much larger in my head than I originally thought. Although I will be diverging even further from the source material and what I believe will become canonical, I do think it is the most exciting development for this particular story-line, and I hope you enjoy.

**Steven**

 “And then the monster came right at me but I formed the Spikey Bubble and poofed it! Garnet let me bubble and send it back to the Temple too!” I finished telling Pearl about a mission we went on while she was gone just as we walked into the Big Donut.

“Well I’m very proud of you Steven, you sure have gained a lot of control of your powers recently. But, do try to be a little more careful, I don’t want you getting hurt.” I grinned from ear to ear, I had missed Pearl so much, and now she was back and giving motherly advice like usual.

 Mr. Dewey straightened up when he saw us and then stuttered, “W-welcome to the Big Donut, wh-what can I get you two,” he winked, then leaned against the counter and smiled.

“One chocolate donut please.” I dug through my pockets and put the money for the donut and the counter.

“And for you pretty lady,” Mr. Dewey asked Pearl as he bagged my donut.

Pearl became uncomfortable, “Uhhhhh, nothing. I don’t particularly enjoy eating.”

“Oh well,” Mr. Dewey wiped sweat from his brow, “that’s too bad. I guess then, uh never mind.”

“Ooo- kay? Let’s go Steven.” Pearl placed her hand on my back.

“He is a very odd human,” Pearl said once we were outside the shop.

I chuckled, “He’s just always nervous around you because he likes you.”

“Likes me? Why?”

I shrugged, “I guess he just finds you attractive.”

“Oh, you meant he likes me as in he wants to - well, that’s not going to happen.”

I took a bite of my donut, “Well yeah, you’re already dating someone else.”

Pearl blushed, “We’re not officially dating.”

“Huh? But you two talk and hang out all the time, and kiss, and seem really close.”

“I - uh -  well, I suppose that is true. But, neither of us formally asked each other out exactly. We’ve just been talking and ...clicked as humans say? I suppose she isn’t formal in a lot of ways though...I’ll have to ask her when she gets back.”

                When we got back home I excitedly set up the karaoke game. Pearl and I were still chatting, but I noticed she was writing something on the paper she had previously placed on the coffee table.  It looked like gem writing.

“What are you working on?” I got closer to look.

“What do you mean?” She looked at me but kept writing.

“What are you writing?”

“Steven, I’m not writing anything,” she looked down and gasped, “it’s part of the information I got from White Diamond.”

She looked at it closer and focused more, and then she went blank.

“Pearl? Hey,” I waved my hand in front of her eyes but didn’t get a reaction. “Pearl, come back.” I gently shook her.

She grabbed my hand and started slowly speaking, “Ste-ven,” she blinked a few times and was able to speak more clearly, “sorry… about that.” She was back to normal, “I know I saw very important information while I was spying on White Diamond, but every time I think about it, I get trapped in my mind.”

“It’s okay, I’m sure it’ll come back eventually.” I hugged her and we loaded our first song.

I saw Pearl start writing again. I wasn’t sure if I should point it out or just let her keep getting the information out while she was distracted.  I decided to just keep her focused on the game and chatting with me.

Pearl went through several pieces of paper, soon they stacked up a good couple inches, she must have seen a lot when she was with White Diamond.  She didn’t go blank again, so I figured she was subconsciously wanting to get the info out, just not able to consciously think about it without shutting down.  

When S. came over in the afternoon, she commented on it and Pearl went blank again after looking at all she had written.  I explained what was going on, and she agreed we would keep Pearl distracted, and then S. brought Pearl back with a kiss on her gem. We kept playing and chatting for a few more hours.

                “You know,” S. brought Pearl close to her, “I had kinda figured I would just go through the rest of my life solo.   Never thought I’d meet a magical lady knocking over a bunch of cups at the Big Donut.”

Pearl blushed and laughed, “Oh no, I was hoping you had forgotten about that.”

“It was pretty memorable, although not as memorable as that look you gave me in the car,” S. looked at the stack of papers Pearl had written and frowned. She turned to me and said, “How about another song Steven?”

Pearl gasped. Both S. and I looked over. Pearl had stopped writing and was looking at the stack of papers. She didn’t go blank though.

“I,” she placed the pen down, “I did it.  Have you two just been distracting me?”

“Well it seemed really important,” I said and shut off the TV, “so what does it all mean?”

Pearl started laying all the pages out, “Well, I’ll have to organize by day, it’s only bits and pieces since I couldn’t look at her screen all the time and there were multiple sessions throughout the day.”  

“Sessions?” I asked.

“Oh,” Pearl kept laying pages out, “it’s what I started referring to the time I had with White Diamond versus being in the cell.” She was on the third day when she blushed and looked at S. “I’m sorry, I got so caught up. We were supposed to just spend time together before you go on your work trip.”

S. shrugged, “No biggie, this seems important, like something you need to do to move on.” I watched her fidget and bite her lip as Pearl finished laying all the pages out, but I wasn’t sure what it meant.

Pearl said, “There, finished,” once she completed the ninth pile.

“But,” I counted the piles again, “you were there for more than nine days.”

Pearl nodded, “I wasn’t allowed access to the computer the entire time though. It wasn’t until I started being more compliant that I was able gather information.” She looked hard at the eighth day, which was only a single page, “I feel like I’m missing something here.”

The warp pad activated as Garnet and Amethyst returned.

“Whoa P,” Amethyst looked at all the papers, “love how you’ve redecorated the place.” She walked over to the first day and looked like she was going to kick them around. Pearl leapt over and stopped her, “Amethyst, no.  This is all the info I gathered from White Diamond, I have it organized for a reason!”

“Okay, okay,” Amethyst slapped Pearl’s hand away and then flopped onto the couch between S. and I, “So what’s it all say?”

Garnet was already studying all of the information, on the sixth day, she stopped and removed her glasses. “Are you sure this is right Pearl?”

Pearl nodded, “As accurate as I can remember.  It would be nice if we could verify though. Wait, Peridot would be able to help in some way. Steven, she moved back to the barn once Lapis came back right? Can you go get her please?”

“Oh,” I stood up and walked to the warp pad, “Yeah, no problem.” I teleported to the barn and found Peridot and Lapis both working on their vegetables.

“Steven, what an unexpected surprise,” Peridot stopped the tractor and got off, “we don’t have any new meep morps if that’s why you’re visiting.” Lapis landed next to her.

I shook my head, “No, it’s Pearl, she remembered all the information she got from White Diamond and was wondering if you could help us figure out if it’s right.”

“Oh, sure. Although I don’t really know what I’ll be able to contribute.” She looked at Lapis, “Do you wanna come along?”

“Uhhhh, I don’t know. White Diamond stuff is a pretty big deal.” Lapis looked down and grabbed her elbow.

“You don’t have to, but,” Peridot straightened her bow tie, “since you’ve decided for sure to stay it might be good to get involved.”

“I,” Lapis looked at me and then Peridot, “okay, I’ll go. I guess, this is my home now too.”

“Yeah!” I jumped and gave Lapis a hug, “You’re a Crystal Gem now too!”

“Oh,” she hugged me back and mussed my hair, “Yeah, I suppose I am.”

“Yay!” Peridot jumped and joined in the hug, “Now we’re all traitors to our own kind.”

We went to the warp pad and I sent us back home.  Pearl was still staring at the page for the eighth day, her hand on her chin and brow furrowed. S. was standing behind her now with her hand on Pearl’s back; she looked worried.  Pearl looked up at Peridot, “Oh good, can you verify any of this information? No doubt you were given incomplete data, but as a kindergarten technician you would have some idea.”

“Uh, sure,” Peridot started looking over the pages. “Wait, no, that can’t be...although,” she gasped when she looked at the sixth day, “no, no, this can’t be right. I mean, we all knew resources were dwindling but…” she got quiet and looked at the rest of the pages.

“Well,” Pearl asked, “Is it possible?”

“Is what possible?” I asked.

Peridot looked at the sixth day again, “I mean, I don’t want to believe it, but I can’t think of why White Diamond would have inaccurate data, unless she knew you were spying.”

“Oh she was definitely unaware,” Pearl was focusing on the eighth day again, “she never intended for me to be back on Earth and cognizant so she had no reason to deceive me. If she had seen me looking at her console without her ordering it she would have just punished me and stopped giving me access.”

“What is it?!” I asked again, exasperated.

“Well,” Peridot looked at me, “as you already know, resources are becoming scarce, that’s why I don’t have as many abilities as you era one gems. According to this though, things are worse than we were led to believe.  A lot worse. Unless several new viable colony sites are found, the Gem Empire will be completely out of resources in a couple hundred of years or so. On top of that, all the recent surveys haven’t shown any sites with the necessary conditions. The entire Gem Society could collapse if something isn’t done.”

“Well, but there is still couple hundred years until that happens right? That’s a lot of time for things to change.”

Peridot shrugged, “In human terms maybe, but in gem terms, that’s nothing.  Especially without a viable colony site in mind, even getting a single kindergarten set up in that time is nearly impossible.”

“That would just mean that new gems can’t be made though right? That’s not necessarily bad is it?” I asked.

“It’s not just the lack of new gems Steven,” Garnet added, “Colonies provide material and energy to maintain gem tech. We aren’t a race that can adapt and grow like humans do.  If how gems have operated for several thousand years is suddenly no longer viable...it will be chaos.”

Pearl huffed and crossed her arms in frustration, “Why can’t I remember anything else from this day?” She was still glaring at the same page.  

“Well it’s the day before you were rescued,” I thought a little, “so that would have been the day Yellow Diamond visited by herself.”

“Wait, what? Yellow Diamond didn’t visit by herself,” Pearl looked at me confused.

“Yeah she did,” I nodded, “That’s how we were tracking White Diamond since we couldn’t trace her specific ship.”

“So, why can’t I?” Pearl winced and placed her hand on one of her temples, “Yellow Diamond visited but I can’t remember what –agh!” She suddenly doubled over in pain and passed out. S. caught Pearl before she hit the ground, “Pearl? What happened?”

S. brought Pearl to the couch; Amethyst moved and let her lay Pearl down. Pearl started projecting a memory.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback

**Pearl, Day 16 with White Diamond**

                I was sitting with my head buried in my knees, which I was holding tightly up to my chest.  The cell started lifting up. I stood up and gave a heavy sigh. I clutched the symbol of the Diamond Authority on my chest, trying to cover it.  Right before White Diamond was visible, I stood in the standard Pearl stance and put on a fake smile. Without looking at me, I felt myself crushed under White Diamond’s will, “You know the routine, kneel.”

I gasped and fell to my knees, gem to the ground, “I am your Pearl. M-my power is your power.”

“What are you Pearl?”

“I am your tool to be used as you please.”

“Who do you belong to?”

“I belong to you.” A single tear fell down my face.

“Good, did you have any visitors from Earth?”

“No, my Diamond.”

“Excellent, stand up Pearl and take your place by my side. We have visitors.” I did as I was told.

                The door opened and Yellow Diamond and Pearl walked in.

“Presenting the ever-radiant, ever-logical, and ever-resilient, Yellow Diamond.” Yellow Pearl announced.

“That’s enough Pearl, she knows who I am,” Yellow Diamond said with mild disdain.

“Y-yes my Diamond, of course.” Yellow Pearl curtseyed and then hopped over to my side.  She gave one look at the symbol on my shirt and then smirked.  I sighed and tried not to glare at her.

“My apologies Diamond,” Yellow Diamond started, “She is a good Pearl, but a bit on the chatty side.”

Yellow Pearl blushed.

White Diamond chuckled, “Think nothing of it, I find my Pearl is also on the chatty side. Isn’t that right?”

I stiffened up, “Oh, um, I- I certainly do enjoy the stimulation an in-depth conversation provides.” I was nervous but managed to not blurt anything else out. I glanced at Yellow Pearl as the Diamonds started talking. She rolled her eyes at me. I quietly grumbled under my breath.

I felt Yellow Diamond’s glare stabbing at me, “Diamond, are you sure it is wise to discuss matters in front of this… ‘former’ traitor?”

“Are you questioning my judgement Yellow?” White Diamond leaned back into her throne and pressed her hands together.

“Of course not.” Yellow Diamond stopped looking at me and stiffened.

“Of course not, what?” White Diamond’s eyes narrowed.

“Of course not, my Diamond,” Yellow Diamond’s tone was short and she gave a quick bow.

Yellow Pearl started shaking. I looked at her face and realized she was terrified.

     “Good, never forget your place Yellow. However, we don’t need either of these Pearls for the next part of our discussion. Pearls, you are to go down the hall and wait at the secondary door until told otherwise. That will be all.” White Diamond clapped her hands twice. I involuntarily flinched at the sound. Yellow Pearl formally curtseyed and saluted, “Of course your radiances.” I almost slipped up but remembered proper etiquette and only acknowledged White Diamond, another show of power she instituted. I formally curtseyed and saluted, “My Diamond.”  Yellow Pearl and I walked side by side, both of us had our hands behind our backs.  Yellow Diamond briefly glared at me again as we passed.

     Once we passed the second door, it closed and we were left alone in the corridor. Yellow groaned, “Great, just great. She is not gonna be in a good mood after this.” She started pacing, “Ugh and we have to scout the sector that will probably end up being a waste of time and that’s going to frustrate her even more.”

“Why are you so nervous?” I asked.

“Well -and don’t get me wrong, my Diamond is absolutely loyal - but she does like to be in control. So when your Diamond goes out of her way to remind Yellow who is in charge it tends to well...blacken her mood. Then any little thing can set her off. When that happens...well, let’s just say if I wasn’t good at dodging I would end up shattered like her last Pearl.”

“Oh, so that’s what happened to her.  I was wondering since I didn’t recognize you.” I stood at ease. I could still feel White Diamond in my mind, but it was distant, likely just the tug of her command for me to wait by the door.

“So,” Yellow stood face to face with me, “are you truly one of us again? Blue said she missed you. She said you two had...fun whenever you were both waiting for a meeting to end.”

I smiled and chuckled, “I haven’t thought about that in a long time. She almost always whispered. We would often dance when we were bored and just compare different colonies we had seen and weird space anomalies we came across.”

Yellow smirked, “Well she still likes to do that, although I’m not much for the dancing. Oh, she told me to ask you about the Agate on Outpost 25 J?”

“Oh,” I laughed harder than I had in a while and then stifled it with my hand, “well, you know how Agates can be I imagine?”

“Yes, I’m very aware,” Yellow said tersely.

“This particular Agate was on us about making noise instead of waiting quietly even though our Diamonds would be in a meeting for quite some time.  She made Blue nervous, and when Blue gets nervous -”

“She starts muttering and humming loudly,” Yellow interjected.

“Exactly, this of course didn’t go over well with the Agate, she backhanded Blue in the face and said she didn’t care if we were Diamond Pearls, we were still Pearls and had to fall in line while on her outpost.”

“Ugh,” Yellow scowled, “that certainly sounds like an Agate alright.”

“I didn’t particularly take kindly to it, so once the Agate was distracted communicating with the gems under her via the screen in the room I recreated this little disc I had seen a Peridot use once to prank a Ruby. Except since I couldn’t incorporate the electrical component I had Blue add a little layer of ice.”

“Wait, those weird little disc that seem to disappear once they slide them on the ground until a gem steps on it and it shocks them?” Yellow raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, yes exactly, I guess they still use that particular prank.”

“It is quite popular. They seem to really enjoy antagonizing the Rubies since they can never figure out what’s going on. What happened when you used ice instead though?”

“Oh I waited until she was turning around to come back towards us so she ended up falling face first on the floor.”

Yellow snickered.

“It gets better though, by sheer coincidence, Blue’s Diamond came out because they had decided to take a break and when she saw the Agate on the floor she asked,” I did my impression of Blue Diamond, “Agate, is there something that needs supervising on the floor or are you damaged in some way?” Yellow started laughing harder.  I continued my story, “And then she hastily got to her feet, stumbled over her words, saluted and left. Her face was just mortified by sheer embarrassment.  She didn’t come back either.”

“Your Blue Diamond impression is pretty spot on. I can’t believe you and Blue pranked an Agate. You didn’t get caught?”

I shook my head, “Not at all.  A little puddle of water formed on the floor once the ice melted, but a Ruby guard came by, was very confused, then just shrugged and heated it up with her foot until the water evaporated.”

Yellow chuckled again, “Maybe I was too harsh with you earlier… you seem… better than what I thought.”

“Uh,” I shifted a little, “thank you? Oh, where is the Pearl that replaced me by the way. I haven’t seen another White Pearl this entire time.”

Yellow shook her head, “A replacement was never made.  For a good thousand years, I thought your Diamond just simply never had a Pearl.  I asked Blue about it once when our Diamonds were talking and she told me a little about you, although, she thought you had been destroyed on Earth.”

“She never replaced me? How bizarre. Why -”

                The door suddenly opened. Yellow Pearl jumped back to my side and I stood at attention.  We heard my Diamond from down the hall. “That will be _all_ Yellow,” she clapped twice.

Yellow Pearl’s face contorted with fear she turned to me and quickly whispered, “Be ready to dodge.”

“Wha?”

Small bolts of lightning shot from Yellow Diamond’s feet as she stomped passed the door. Yellow Pearl ended up on the other side of her Diamond to avoid the bolts and I ended up pinned against the wall. Yellow Pearl started to salute and say something as the door closed but Yellow Diamond cut her off, “YOU!” She shouted and glared at me.  Her expression was as filled with rage as the time Peridot had called her a clod.

“Uhhhhh,” I stood at attention and saluted sheepishly, trying my best to smile.

Yellow Diamond clenched her teeth.  I saw Yellow Pearl waving from behind her Diamond, I glanced at her and she pointed to her face and mouthed, “Say something.”

“Oh, uh,” I looked at Yellow Diamond again, “is there a task you wish for me to complete your radiance?” Since we were not in the presence of White Diamond, I made sure to use a typical term of respect for a diamond that was not my owner.

“What!?” Yellow Diamond clenched her fist and electricity started buzzing around it. I glanced at Yellow Pearl again. She was looking at her Diamond in confusion, her hands out in exasperation.   Yellow Diamond’s fist started shaking and the electricity increased.

“MY DIAMOND!” Yellow Pearl yelled as she materialized a dark sphere from her gem and threw it as high as she could. Yellow Diamond turned around and released the attack on the sphere.  It completely shattered into dust and a few small pieces.  One stray lightning bolt shot straight towards me. I barely collapsed to the floor in time to avoid it.  The wall shook behind me and I felt a few pebbles fall on me.  I looked up and saw a smoking hole where my gem had been only seconds before. 

Yellow Pearl stood in the normal stance and said, “That was amazing my Diamond.  I don’t believe you have ever pulverized a sphere quite so thoroughly before.  Your power truly is a marvel.”

Yellow Diamond sighed and put her hands behind her back, “Chatty as you are, you do know how to calm me Pearl.”

Yellow Pearl smiled, “Thank you, my Diamond.”

Yellow Diamond looked at me again.  I scrambled to my feet and stood at attention. “As for you,” her eyes narrowed, “Perhaps you may be of some use to us yet.  Our Diamond certainly seems to believe so.  If you dare to cross us again though, I will not take kindly to it _at all_.”

“Y-yes, your radiance, I understand.” I saluted.

Yellow Diamond looked at her Pearl again, “Clean up this mess and then join me on the ship.  That will be all.” She clapped twice and walked away.

Yellow Pearl took in a deep breath, held it, and then ran over, “Oh my stars!”  She looked at the crater in the wall then at me, “Oh I thought you were a goner for sure. Oh I can’t believe this. I swear she didn’t really mean it, she just got a little carried away, please don’t tell your Diamond. Please!” Yellow grabbed both of my arms.

“Oh, uh, well it’s not like she actually damaged me, and she really wasn’t trying anything too bad…” we both looked at the hole again, “okay, well, maybe she almost shattered me, but she didn’t, she didn’t. So I see no reason to volunteer the information at least.”

“Oh right, your Diamond can just force you to tell her can’t she?”

“Well, yes, but I don’t see why she would think to ask so it should be no problem at all.”

“Thank you,” Yellow hugged me; I stiffened at the unexpected contact. It was a very odd thing.  Rubies and Quartz’s were all prone to comradery through physical contact, but Pearls, Pearls were not. It had taken me some time to get used to such gestures once I had joined the rebellion.  Maybe Yellow was a little more unusual than I had given her credit for.  Yellow pushed away, blushing.  She stood at attention and cleared her throat, “I mean, I sincerely appreciate it Pearl.”

“Think nothing of it Yellow, us Pearls have to stick together after all.” I smiled.

Yellow nodded, “I should get going, my Diamond is waiting,” she gathered what little debris was left from the sphere and stored it into her gem, “I look forward to the next time our Diamonds meet Pearl.” Then she walked away as well.         

                Alone in the corridor I suddenly had a tidal wave of emotions crash over me.  I looked at the hole in the wall and greeted my teeth.  I was angry. Angry that I was letting myself be ruled by fear again. I clutched the Diamond Authority symbol on my shirt. “Why? Why should we have to live like this? Why should,” I started crying and hit the wall. I kept speaking my thoughts aloud to myself as I often did when distressed, “I wonder how far I could get?”  I looked down the corridor that led to the docks. “What if I did get away? Where would I even go? I can’t go home, I’d just risk White Diamond’s wrath on the others. But… staying here is just…” I took a step towards the corridor.

                The door behind me opened again and I felt White Diamond’s will wrap around my mind again. “No, dammit, I took too long.” I muttered to myself.

“Pearl, return to my side.”

                I shuddered for a moment, trying to continue walking towards the corridor, but she had me.  I started walking down the hall towards the massive white and intricately decorated main door to White Diamond’s throne room.

“Hold on, wait one moment at the entrance Pearl.”

“Yes my Diamond,” I responded and I faced the corridor again.

Out of curiosity I glanced to see what White Diamond was working on.  I saw the Earth and The Cluster on her screen, but I was too far to make out the surrounding data.  I saw White Diamond starting to look at me and quickly turned away.  Fear turned my stomach and froze me to the spot.  Had she seen me looking? Had I turned away in time? Today was not my day.

                A moment passed and then White Diamond commanded me into the room.

I took my place at her side and stood at attention.  White Diamond placed her open hand, palm up, on the floor next to me. “Come here Pearl.”

I shook a little and thought, “ _You’re fine, it’s fine.  This doesn’t necessarily mean she saw you. Play it straight_.” I stepped onto her palm and she lifted me so I was directly in front of her about chest level.  She was glaring down at me, analyzing my every move.

“Did you see what was on my console right now Pearl?”

It took ever shred of my will not to flinch.  Instead, I clasped my hands in front of me and responded, “I apologize my Diamond, you will have to bring the information up again, I was not aware that you had wanted my analysis on anything.”

White Diamond sighed, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, and you were doing so well.  These past days with you at my side, not a single problem.  But now you’ve just lied to me.”

She brought the image of The Cluster back up, “Do you know what this is Pearl?”

My head started to ache as she began forcing the information out of me, “I-it’s a geo-weapon at the center of the Earth, made from- ugh – from the artificial fusion of gem shards, and it’s called The Cluster.”

She smirked, “How unexpected.  How do you know so much about this geo-weapon Pearl?”

I refused to speak.  My head started pounding.

“Pearl, you’re only making this harder on yourself. How do you know so much about The Cluster?”

I staggered backwards and felt her fingers on my back, she had raised them as a wall and I hadn’t noticed. She lifted me so I was level with her eyes and her gem glowed.

“Pearl, you are to tell me about The Cluster, NOW!”

                I cried out, my head felt like it was going to explode, but I covered my mouth.  White Diamond brought her thumb to my chest and began crushing me. I moved my hands to her thumb, struggling in vein to stop her from pressing into me.  The physical pain made it impossible for me to focus on keeping her from dragging the information out. “Agh! P-Peridot told us! And we made a drill to take us to The Cluster. Urgh, agh, ahhhh!” I started shaking and closed my eyes since everything had started spinning. “Steven convinced the shards to bubble each other instead of forming, so The Cluster will never destroy the Earth!”

White Diamond released me. I collapsed into her palm.  My ears were ringing, my body twitched. I opened my eyes, things were blurry and still spinning, but I forced myself into a sitting position.

“How amusing,” White Diamond smiled, “You Earthers are backwards in your thinking, but certainly full of challenges and surprises.”

I was looking down as things came into focus.  Just out of the corner of my eye, I could see something else on her screen.  It was Pink Diamond’s shards.  They looked like they had been pieced back together and then placed back into the ground. I couldn’t tell where though, or why.  A shattered gem was shattered for good.

“Hmm,” White Diamond moved her hand so I was level with her chest again, “I believe you have made a misstep today Pearl.  But I don’t want it to de-rail such leaps of progress. I have no choice but to erase this memory from your mind.”

I tried to scramble away, but my legs were still weak and my head still unstable, “No, wait, please my Diamond, it won’t happen again, I-”

She placed her index finger in my forehead and all I could do was scream in agony as she tore through my mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An important question asked.

**Garnet**

Pearl shot up to a sitting position and her projection cut to static. I realized I had become so angry I had summoned my gauntlets so I quickly stored them and brought my emotions back in check. Amethyst, Steven and S. were all crying. Lapis had moved to the corner and was holding herself tightly. Peridot was frozen in shock with her mouth open.  Pearl grabbed her head in pain and stopped her projection, “Agh, what was I projecting? Why are you all crying?” She moved her feet off the couch and onto the floor, still clutching her head.

S. placed her hand on Pearl’s knee and wiped away tears with her other hand as she said, “Easy Pearl, take it slow.”

Steven walked over, “Here, maybe this will help,” he kissed Pearl’s gem and it sparkled briefly.

 Amethyst moved and sat on the counter, most of her face covered her hair, but I could tell she was frustrated.

“Oh,” Pearl sighed, “thank you Steven, that actually is a lot better.” She gasped and jumped to her feet, “I told White Diamond about The Cluster!”

S. stood up and put her hand on Pearl’s back to steady her.  I could see panic taking hold of Pearl. I walked over to her, placed my hands on her shoulders and kept my voice calm, “We saw, you projected the memory. You did well Pearl.”

“Well? How?! I’ve put the entire planet at risk!” I could feel her wobble a little.

“It’s okay Pearl,” I kept my grip firm on her, “we knew sooner or later that Homeworld would figure out that The Cluster wasn’t emerging, but not exactly when. Now we know and can prepare for it. Plus, since you were never supposed to remember that exchange, we have the advantage.”

Her brow furrowed and then she closed her eyes and calmed herself, “Right, I may not have been able to stop my - White Diamond - from getting the information out of me, but we can still turn it into an advantage. I am sorry Peridot,” she looked past me at Peridot, who was still stunned in silence, “I really did try to not mention you.”

Peridot shook her head, “Oh, don’t worry about that in the slightest. We all saw how much effort you put in, and it’s not like going home was an option for me before now. What I’m in shock about is that last bit you saw.”

“Yes, what was that?” Pearl asked.

I turned to Peridot as well, “I was also wondering what they could be trying to accomplish with Pink Diamond’s shards.  We know they have been experimenting with artificial gem shard fusions, but that looked completely different.”

“I don’t know,” Peridot started pacing, “there were elements I’ve never even seen incorporated in between the shards.  Why does White Diamond even have her shards though , didn’t your leader shatter her?”

Pearl’s hands clasped her mouth.  This was not the first time I had noticed her clamp up when Pink Diamond being shattered was discussed.  After seeing what White Diamond could do, I was becoming suspicious.  Right now was not the time though.  I could feel that Pearl was still shaky on her feet, and it didn’t seem to be from fear, more just from exhaustion. I kept a hold of her with one hand, “Rose shattered her, but we weren’t able to retrieve the shards.  That isn’t our primary focus right now though.  Amethyst, Peridot, let’s go check on The Cluster.”

“I’ll go too.” Lapis said.

I nodded.

“Really? You’re sure you want to?” Peridot walked closer to Lapis.

Lapis tried to grin, “M-my home now too right?”

Peridot grinned from ear to ear, “Right.”

“Alright, Pearl, stay here and rest. Steven, make sure she relaxes, she deserves it,” reluctantly I let Pearl go and started walking to the warp pad.

“On it!” Steven nodded.

“Wait, but shouldn’t I come too,” Pearl tried to step forwards and lost her balance.

S. supported her and then helped her sit back on the couch, “I think Garnet’s right about you needing rest.”

I had tried to rush back to catch Pearl, but stopped once I saw S. had her.

Pearl blushed, “I didn’t notice how mentally exhausted I was. Guess recalling a supposed erased memory took more out of me than I thought.”

“That’s okay,” Steven jumped on the couch and gave her a bear hug, “now it means we can play more games together.” He settled on the couch next to her.

“For now it’s safer too Pearl,” I crossed my arms so I wouldn’t clench my fists, “If we do find signs of activity and our presence is made known to the Diamonds, White Diamond would learn that you are functional again, and I for one, prefer you as far away from that monster as we can manage.”

Pearl visibly flinched when I said White Diamond, causing S. to grab her hand.

“R-right. I hadn’t thought about that.” Pearl clasped S.’s hand with both of hers, “I honestly don’t know what she would do if she found out. I always thought she would just try to shatter me if we ever crossed paths again after the rebellion, but now…”

She let go of S. and started to stiffen up.

“Hey, stop thinking about it Pearl, we’re losing you,” S. gently placed her hand on Pearl’s face and moved her head so Pearl was looking at her.

Pearl grabbed S.’s hand again, “Sorry, just, what if White Diamond tries to take me again?”

“Then we’ll pummel her,” I said as matter-of-factly as I could, then added after moving one hand to my hip and holding my Sapphire gem out, “and that’s not just my Ruby side showing, Sapphire wants to kick her butt too.”

“Yeah!” Amethyst jumped down from the counter, and cracked her knuckles, “and I’ll help.”

“I’ll also assist with my metal powers,” Peridot strained and lifted a fork out of the sink.

“And I’ll give her a taste of what feeling trapped is like,” Lapis added and clenched one of her fists.

“Whoa, too dark Laps-li,” Peridot smirked while spinning the fork around.

“Oh,” Lapis blushed, “I mean, I will also assist in um, kicking White Diamond’s butt?”

    We all chuckled.

“Group hug!” Steven shouted and hugged Pearl again. S. joined the hug.

I walked over and squeezed all three of them, “Group hug.”

“More like dog pile!” Amethyst transformed into a dog and jumped onto the back of the couch so she could rest her chin on Pearl’s head.

“I will also participate in this pile of the dogs,” Peridot jumped onto my back so I scooped her and added her into the hug.

Lapis came closer but didn’t join, I reached out and pulled her in with a grin, “No one escapes the group hug.”

“Crystal Gems forever!” Steven said and we all laughed.

Pearl laughed harder and said, “It’s good to be home.”

I let everyone go after one more squeeze, “Alright gems, let’s move out. We do need the status of The Cluster.”

**Steven**

                Once the other gems had left I asked Pearl what game she wanted to play.

“Oh well, I’m not sure Steven, my head feels a little off still. Like when I overwork my body and everything is hard to move and sore except it’s just...my thoughts and this dull pain in my head?”

“Oh like you’re tired and have a headache?” I asked.

“Is that what it's like? Gems don’t need sleep though.”

“Has any gem every remembered something White Diamond tried to erase before?” S. asked.

“Well...no, not that I know of at least.”

I shrugged, “Maybe recalling what happened just overworked your mind then? Why don’t you just try sleeping, you seemed to be getting the hang of it.”

Pearl shifted uneasily, “I don’t know Steven, my dreams can be… unpleasant, and I have a tendency to project them.”

“Well, at least lay down and close your eyes, Here,” S. grabbed a pillow and placed it on her lap, “whenever I get a headache I always make tea and lay down so my head is elevated a little.”

“Yeah Pearl, relax, Garnet said so right?” I jumped off the couch so she could lay down.

Pearl hesitated but ended up laying down and placing her head on the pillow. S. laid her hand on Pearl’s chest, “and this way, if you do fall asleep and start having a bad dream, Steven and I will be able to wake you up quickly.”

I sat down on the floor against the couch, Pearl placed her hand on my head and then let her arm dangle over my shoulder, “Thanks you two.”

I tried to relax, but I had so many different questions burning in my brain. And feelings.  I was sad, and curious and… angry.

“What’s wrong Steven?” Pearl asked.

I blushed, “Oh sorry, I just… I can’t help but think about all the questions I have after seeing… what happened before we were able to get you.”

“Well, ask away.”

“Oh no, no, you’re supposed to be relaxing.”

“It’s okay Steven, honestly… I could use to talk about it too.”

I looked up, Pearl had her eyes closed and S. was running her free hand through Pearl’s hair while fighting back tears.

“Um, well, was that how you were always treated when you served White Diamond? Was that what your life was like before you came to Earth?”

“Not quite to that level all the time… but sometimes.  White Diamond always told me that her ultimate goal was to create perfection, but she knew it was impossible to achieve, so the key was finding the balance between seeking perfection and tolerating imperfection.  She believed an ultimate goal should never be achievable so there was always something to work for.  For the longest time, that seemed wise to me, and, well, I just accepted that I deserved the punishments I received when I did make a mistake. When I interacted with the other Diamond Pearl’s I found myself questioning that idea a little bit, but, living under White Diamond was the only thing I ever knew at that point.”

“Even the previous Yellow Pearl?” I asked.

“Yes, Yellow Diamond was very different back then.  Blue Diamond was, too.  The war changed them a lot.  Yellow Diamond didn’t have that uncontrollable rage before.  She never harmed her previous Pearl when I was still loyal. The way she was before, she would have never shattered her Pearl, or tried to shatter me.”

I held Pearl’s hand.  The Gem War, I knew it was this huge complicated thing that was hard to talk about it and I wanted to understand it, but there was just so much.  I never thought about how it would change Homeworld Gems besides making them sad to lose Pink Diamond. 

I had too many questions about the war and couldn’t pick one so I asked another question, “I noticed instead of calling each other by your cut, like facet 21 G or whatever Yellow Pearl just called you Pearl and you called her Yellow.  Is that just a Diamond Pearl thing?”

“Um, yes, and no. Pearls never refer to each other by their cut code. We aren’t considered our own gems, but as… well, as property. Also, Pearls are rarely made in large batches since we are made for a specific gem.  Whenever there are multiple Pearls waiting, whoever’s owner has the highest ranking is Pearl and everyone else is referred to by who owns them.  With the Diamond Pearls it was a little different, I of course was Pearl, and the other two are just referred to by color.  But if say I was with a Sapphire’s Pearl, she would address me as Pearl and I would call her Sapphire’s.”

“That’s horrible,” S. said.

“In Earth terms, yes.  Gems are so entrenched in the caste system though, we rarely question it.  To us, we just assume that things are the way they are because it is true that certain gems are just inherently better than others are.  Pearls are servants because that is what we are made for, quartz gems are perfect soldiers, Rubies the perfect guards, and Diamonds the perfect leaders.  It wasn’t seen as personal, just fact.”

“So,” I squeezed Pearl’s hand, “was White Diamond always in your mind before you rebelled? Is that why you didn’t try to leave? Like how hard it was for you to even consider escaping this recent time?”

“No.  I used to take pride in being White Diamond’s Pearl.  For a Pearl, it was the highest ranking any of us could ever hope to be.   I gave her very little reason to enter my mind and control me.  The only time she would was when I heard something she didn’t want me to remember or when I tried to cover up a mistake.  She wasn’t there constantly wrapped around my will like this time. I missed that chance to escape because she was in my head so much, like I was stuck in a web, but before it honestly just never occurred to me because I never imagined I could function on my own.”

“I’m glad you’re here with us Pearl. I can’t imagine growing up without you.” I wiped away tears from my eyes.

Pearl squeezed my hand, “Thank you Steven, I can’t… imagine…” her hand relaxed and her breathing steadied.  For a second I was worried that she had gotten trapped in her head, but then I realized she had fallen asleep. I smiled.

S. still seemed really worried. “Are you okay S.?”

She bit her lower lip, “I’m just… processing everything.  It’s a lot and there is so much I can’t do anything about.”

I sighed, “Yeah, I feel like that too. But you are doing so much just being here for her, you know?”

S. looked surprised, “Th-thanks, it’s the least I can do.”

                For the next hour or so we sat in silence, thinking and letting Pearl sleep.  The other gems returned and I walked over to them and made sure they were quiet. “Pearl’s asleep,” I whispered, “How is The Cluster?”

“No signs of tampering,” Peridot replied at a normal volume.

“Shhh, don’t be so loud Peridot,” I placed a finger on my mouth and looked back and confirmed Pearl was still asleep.

“Oh,” Peridot spoke softer, “sorry, but The Cluster appears to be secure.”

Lapis placed a hand on Peridot’s shoulder and whispered, “How about we head home Peridot, it doesn’t seem like anything is going to happen tonight and it’s getting late.”

“Oh well if you want to, unless you guys still need us?” Peridot asked Garnet.

Garnet shook her head, “I think we could all use a break, we’ll pick back up tomorrow.”

                Peridot nodded and warped away with Lapis. The sound of the warp a second time woke Pearl up. She smiled at S. and then slowly sat up. S. moved her hand to Pearl’s back, “You can go back to sleep if you need.”

Pearl stretched, “I think I’m okay,” she looked outside, “oh, it’s almost dark outside. How long was I asleep?”

“Not too long,” I walked over to her, “only like an hour and a half.  You sure your head is feeling better?”

Pearl nodded, “Yes, quite a bit, sleeping was a good idea Steven.” She looked at Garnet and Amethyst, “How was The Cluster?”

                “No signs any gem has been monitoring it or trying to release it from the bubble.” Garnet replied.

“For now at least,” Pearl clasped her hands together, “What’s the plan from here?”

“For tonight,” Amethyst stretched and plopped down onto the couch next to Pearl, “absolutely nothing P. We’ve all done our fair share today.”

Pearl smiled and placed a hand on Amethyst’s shoulder, “It did turn into an eventful day didn’t it?”

S. stood up and stretched, “Hey Steven,” she crouched down so we were eye level, “I have to go home and finishing packing before heading out for the week, so take care of Pearl for me until I get back will ya?”

I nodded, “I promise.” I hugged her, she seemed a little surprised at first, but then hugged me back.

                I looked at Pearl, she was smiling ear to ear and Amethyst was silently chuckling at Pearl’s reaction.

“Oh,” Pearl stood with S., “before you go, um,” she glanced nervously at me and held her hands together so she wouldn’t fidget then looked at S., “could we talk outside real quick?”

I was confused for a moment and then remembered our conversation coming back from the Big Donut and got super excited.

“Sure,” S. grabbed her helmet and they both went out to the porch.

                “Amethyst, Amethyst, Amethyst,” I said as quietly as I could for how excited I was.

“What is it Steve-o?”

“I think Pearl’s going to ask her out,” my face hurt from how big I was smiling.

“Wait, they aren’t officially dating yet?”

I shook my head.  Amethyst got super excited and jumped off the couch, “Well what are we waiting for then, let’s spy on them.”

Garnet cleared her throat, “We should probably give them some privacy… but then again, we used to always spy on Rose and Greg, so it’s only fair,” she grinned and gave a thumbs up.

                We all rushed to the window, I silently cracked it open a little so we could hear and Garnet crouched down next to Amethyst and I as I slowly lifted a slat in the shades so we could see.

**Pearl**

“S.” I leaned over the railing, “I’ve been thinking, and I’ve really enjoyed getting close with you, but… maybe we’re moving too fast. I -” I sighed, “I’ve never really gotten a handle on how to live for myself. I’m just drawn to trying to define myself through someone else.  Even when I’m being selfish, some part of me feels like it doesn’t matter because I don’t see how I can impact anyone else in a meaningful way, despite seeing the consequences of my mistakes that show the contrary.  I guess maybe, I keep trying to find someone to complete me instead of just trying to complete myself...and I don’t want to make that mistake with you. I, I don’t want to use you like that.”

To my surprise, S. smiled. “Honestly, I’ve been kinda getting overwhelmed. The whole intergalactic mind controlling tyrant trying to enslave you, the fate of the Earth on the team’s shoulders… it’s a lot. I know it’s not fair to let that get to me, because it’s not like you asked for any of it, but… I’m still trying to cope with my own past too I guess.  I understand how you feel in a lot of ways.  I feel like, half a person.  You know growing up as a girl in a traditional human home, we’re taught that you have to find a man and fall in love and you’ll complete each other and it will be happily ever after.  But reality is not like that.  My first confusion was when I started liking both girls and boys in middle school.  Then my parents kicked me out when I was sixteen when they found out I had a girlfriend.  After we broke up, I met a guy and for years let myself be stuck in a brutal, unhealthy cycle because I didn’t know how to live alone.  I finally got away from him but now I feel like real relationships, the ones that last, aren’t two halves making one whole, but two wholes making a bigger, more complete whole? That doesn’t make sense does it?” She blushed.

I smiled, “It makes perfect sense to me.”

 We looked at each other, and S. said, “I still want to see you though.  I still want to be with you.”

I teared up a little, “Me too.  Think it’s possible for half a gem and half a human to adventure together to complete themselves and then maybe… fuse into something more?”

She grinned, “I don’t know if it works like that but… I would be willing to give it a shot.”

“What if we just end up making the same mistakes again?”

S. looked away at the setting sun, “It is a risk.”

I gave a heavy sigh and put my face in my hands then dropped them onto the railing again, “Why are the things that matter the most so complicated?”

“ _Because_ they matter the most.”

I chuckled, “What a mess.”

“What if -” S. shifted her weight from one leg to the other, “What if this week while I’m on the road we… give each other some space?  Really, think about things?”

“Well,” I looked at her, “I’d be lying if I said I would like that, but I do think it would be prudent.”

She nodded. “Well, I guess I’ll get going then.” We held hands, “I’ll see you in a week.”

I squeezed her hand before I let go, “One week. I do hope work goes well for you, sounds like it’s really important.”

“Thank you,” she smiled and then left.

I stayed glued to the spot. I was calm but distraught, happy, but sad. I wanted to run after her and not move at all. I felt everything and nothing at the same time.

S. came running back up the steps and yelled, “Screw being prudent!” She blushed, “The way I feel with you, it's different than anyone else I've been with. And I’m different, and we both know we want to better ourselves, and I look forward to watching you grow and having you by my side as I grow too! I don’t want you to complete me, and you don’t want me to complete you, but that doesn’t mean we can’t support each other while we figure ourselves out. Yeah, sometimes all this Homeworld Gem stuff is going to overwhelm me, but I’ll find a balance because I want to be here for you and I don’t want you to have to suffer through all this mess on your own. And yeah, maybe we’re still gonna make the same mistakes sometime, but we’re both conscious of trying to avoid them. I don’t want to repeat the past, but I also don’t want the past to stop me from exploring the future!”

We both teared up. On an impulse, I brought her close and gave her a kiss; she held me tight and kissed me back.

We remained in each other’s arms, S. chuckled, “so what’s the plan now?”

I grinned and replied, “New Pearl, no plan.”

She chuckled again, spun me away from her, brought me back, quickly dipped me and then brought me back close. I smiled, “Well that was a surprise.”

“I’ve been practicing, also that’s probably the most graceful I’ll ever be so don’t get your hopes up too much.”

I laughed, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So,” S. blushed again, “think you wanna put up with my crazy and be my girlfriend?”

I blushed too, “I would love to, as long as you don’t mind putting up with my crazy too.”

We were going to kiss again but Amethyst suddenly hollered from inside, “Woooooooo go P. go S.!”

“Amethyst shhh!” I heard Steven say as he let go of the blind all three of them were peeking through.

“Oh, haha, guess privacy is a little hard to get around here huh?” S. moved to my side but kept one arm wrapped around my waste.

I chuckled, “They mean well. You three might as well come out, we know you’re there.”

                Amethyst slammed the door open and was cheering, “Yeah P.! Gee you gave us a scare there, I was like noooo! Don’t let her get away!”

Steven came over and hugged both of us.

Garnet leaned against the open doorway, grinning, “I wasn’t worried for a second, I knew things would work out.” She pulled her glasses down to show her third eye and blinked.

Amethyst rolled her eyes, “Oh whatever miss,” she transformed into Garnet and imitated her voice, “hold on, I see two likely possibilities, let’s give things a moment to see which one happens.”

Garnet gently punched Amethyst’s arm, “Well I was rooting for the scenario of S. running back up the stairs.”

Amethyst changed back into herself.

                I started crying even though I was smiling and felt at peace.

Steven let go from the hug, “Pearl? What’s wrong?”

I wiped the tears away, “Absolutely nothing. I’m just,” I gave a single quick laugh and started crying harder, “I’m just so happy to be home and with all of you.”

S. wrapped both arms around me again and kissed my cheek.

“Aw P. stop crying,” Amethyst teared up a little, “you’re going to make me cry…again. You know what, group hug take two!” She came over and grabbed Steven and S.

“Woo, group hug take two,” Steven cheered and hugged Amethyst and me.

Garnet wrapped her arms around S. and me and squeezed all of us close together, “Group hug take two.”

I squeezed Garnet and S. and looked down at Steven and Amethyst.  I never wanted to let go.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl and Amethyst bond.

**Amethyst**

The rest of the night, we all sat in the living room talking about a bunch of different things.  Like everything was normal. But it wasn’t normal. I was trying to not let it get to me. I was trying to not feel useless.

                I was happy that Pearl was smiling and talking with her hands again. She didn’t go all machine like either.  Then her face would change when she thought no one was looking at her, like she was far away still. I didn’t really know what to tell her though.  I had lived my entire life on Earth, I had no idea what Gem society or living under one of the Diamonds was like.  I had always been able to pretty much do whatever I wanted. She had been on Homeworld or some spaceship for thousands of years before living here.

Steven kept falling asleep so Pearl carried him upstairs and tucked him into bed. Garnet retreated to her room so she could focus her Future Vision.  We turned the lights out so Steven could sleep and Pearl went outside.

I followed and hopped up on the railing next to where she was leaning and looking out at the ocean. “Hey there Pierogi, whatcha thinking about?”

“Nothing particular really,” she said and looked away, maybe trying not to cry? I tried to think of what Steven would tell her. Cheer her up? Ask her another question?

“Amethyst,” she straightened up and grinned at me, “let’s go do something!” She clasped her hands together in excitement.

“Uhh, okay, what you want to do?”

“I don’t know, whatever you usually do when you go out at night. Well, except wrestling.”

I grinned, “There’s not a match tonight anyway. What's this sudden impulsive side all about?”

“I just, I don’t know, I want to do something different and unexpected, something I usually wouldn’t do. Something just - just spontaneous.”

I winked and snapped my fingers at her, “Spontaneity is my middle name. So what are the ground rules, besides no wrestling?”

“Um, none? Just play it by ear?”

I squealed with excitement, “Alright Pearl!”

“Shh, you’re going to wake up Steven.”

I pulled her close and whispered, “This is gonna be awesome!”

“Oh, I will certainly try my best to be cool,” she awkwardly winked and tried to snap at me like I had to her.

I chuckled, grabbed her hand, and tugged her to the warp pad.  We warped to this little town I didn’t know the name of but loved.  One of the people there said it was the ‘epitome of small town rust belt’, whatever that meant.

“Oh, a human town that isn’t Beach City?” Pearl looked anxiously around, “Do I need to hide my gem so we don’t get too much attention?”

I shrugged, “You can do that whole, bangs over your gem thing like you used to if you want, but I doubt we’ll run into anyone who cares.”

Pearl looked around again with one hand to her mouth and then nodded at me, “Okay, I’ll just be myself.”

I had to turn around to hide a blush from excitement. I loved whenever Pearl surprised me, but a lot of time if I focused too much on that I would say something dumb, or Pearl would get too uptight and we would end up fighting. I always liked to just be in the moment and she was always analyzing how the past had led to that moment and the implications it would have the future.  

As I led her into the town I found myself wondering if this impulsive Pearl was just her trying to escape thinking about White Diamond and if it was gonna end up being a huge mess.  Pearl on the other hand seemed very engrossed in the town and kept pointing interesting things out. Like we had swapped personalities.  I shoved my doubts to the back of my mind, no way was I gonna let Pearl be more in the moment than me.

“Alright, so first stop has gotta be to get some snackers. I know, I know, eating typically isn’t your thing-”

“I’ll give it a try. It has been a while, maybe I’ll find something about it I like this time.” Pearl gave a determined look.

I laughed, “Well alright, I know the perfect place then.” I led her to the convenience store, which was pretty much the only thing still open.

“Hey Rodrigo!” I yelled as I walked in. A red haired human in a leather jacket leaned across the counter. He grinned, “Hey there Ams, been a while.”

I jumped up on the counter, “Why so glum? Usually you’re all like bouncing off the walls.”

He shrugged, “Just stuff. Hank and I got into an argument earlier. And like, he’s right, and I know it, but also I’ve gotta be me ya know?”

“Uhhh totally?” I grinned as I watched Pearl looking at all the advertisements, trying to understand them, and then jump back when startled by a motion-sensing toy that danced and sung.

Rodrigo perked up, “Oh it would have been so cool if you had been here earlier!” He grinned from ear to ear and started talking using very exaggerated hand gestures like he usually did, “It was sooooo slow and I was booored and then my friend Mary, she recently came back from college, came in and we shattered a bunch of light bulbs out back, just glass everywhere, and Mary was getting all focused so I tossed a bottle at her too and she fell right into the dumpster!”

I laughed, “Classic Rodrigo.”

Pearl came over and leaned on the counter next to me with her hands clasped together.

“Exactly!” Rodrigo patted my back, “buuuut, Hank said I have to be careful.  We’re trying to save up and move and I’m trying to be all responsible, but like, sometimes I just have to cut loose and destroy stuff ya know? I don’t know what he sees in me, I mean, he’s all calm and collected and I’m a hot mess, but, but, I don’t know, maybe I want to be better because of him?”

I laughed, “That’s funny cuz Hank told me something similar about you.  How you just go with the flow and find happiness in anything so he never understands what you see in some timid, calculated, tightwad like him.”

“He said that?”

“Well, not those _exact_ words, but in a nutshell.”

Rodrigo smiled, “Thanks Ams,” He gave me a one-armed hug. “Oh yeah, I’m Rodrigo by the way,” he held out his hand to Pearl.

Pearl blushed and shook his hand, “Oh uh, nice to meet you. My name is Pearl.”

“Cool, cool,” Rodrigo leaned against me, “you another magical, alien, rock lady, like Amethyst?”

“Hey now,” I winked, “No one is quite like me, but yeah, Pearl is a Gem. Her gem is just on her forehead.  Anyway, can we hang out with you and Hank tonight? I think they would get along, both being socially awkward, repressed nerds, with a dark past and all.”

Pearl blushed again, “I’m not _that_ socially awkward.”

Rodrigo laughed, “Oh man, she probably would get along with Hank perfectly since the only thing she argued about that statement was the socially awkward part.   But we have to head out to deal with some family stuff right when my shift is done.”

“Awwwww lame, you two are sooo domestic now.”

“I know!” Rodrigo waved his arms, “it’s horrible and amazing at the same time isn’t it? Oh, you two want all the pizza slices I’m supposed to throw away because I gotta close up shop in fifteen? I think I have a few other things too.”

“Hell ya Rodrigo, hook us up.” I hooted and pumped my fists in the air.

“Cool, cool, cool, I hate throwing all that food away,” he walked away towards to the ready-to-go food.

The door chime rang as a tall, chunky, human with thick glasses and a ton of dark hair walked in. “Heeeeey, Hank in the house!” I cheered.

He blushed, “H-hey there Amethyst,” he looked at Pearl, “oh, are you another Gem?”

Pearl nervously nodded and held out her hand, “Y-yes, I’m Pearl.”

“Pearl? How interesting,” Hank adjusted his glasses and then shook Pearl’s hand, “On Earth pearls are considered precious, but not really gems since they form in clams and all.”

“Oh,” Pearl shrugged, “Well, in Gem society Pearls aren’t actually considered Gems either, we’re, well, we’re accessories slash servants,” she looked her feet and then towards me, her expression screaming, ‘why did I say that’, “b-but on Earth I’m not expected to be any of that.  It’s one of the reasons I chose to fight and stay here.”

“Oh gee,” Hank hid his face in his hands, “First thing out of my mouth and I managed to make things awkward.”

“Oh, no, no,” Pearl waved her hands, “not at all, that was all me, sorry. You just stated factually accurate information about the formation of pearls on your home planet after all.”

Rodrigo and I laughed so hard we teared up a little. I grabbed the bag of snacks Rodrigo had placed on the counter next to me and then jumped to the floor, “Gee Pearl, you just manage to awkwardly connect with wonder nerds no matter where you go don’t you?”

“Well, I guess I just have that knack?” She grinned and fell into her classic, legs crossed and hands out stance, although I could tell from her eyebrows she was still pretty embarrassed.

“Sure, let’s call it that,” I patted her on the back, “c’mon, let’s get going. These two have that whole being responsible adults thing to do and all,” I said to Rodrigo and Hank, “we should totally all hang out sometime soon though.”

“Well, we’ll be free Saturday night,” Hank replied, “would that work?”

“Sure, we don’t exactly plan out missions for the week or anything, but as long as nothing major comes up we’ll be free.”

“Well, if you guys are in any trouble and we can help let us know,” Rodrigo said, “we may not be magical, but we can hold our own.”

“Actually,” I looked at Pearl, who gave me a confused raised eyebrow, “are there any good places to hide around here?”

“Oh! Tons! Like, super tons! This is a great place to come if you want to kinda just disappear.” Rodrigo smiled and put his hands straight up, “we can give you a tour of them all on Saturday!” Hank nodded in agreement.

I gave them a thumbs up and gently pushed Pearl towards the door, “Perfect, and thanks for the snack hook-up Rodrigo!”

“Anytime!” He yelled as we walked outside.

                Pearl was looking intently at me.

“What?” I made sure my hair was covering half my face out of nervousness from her staring.

“I just… I guess I thought you always stayed around Beach City, it never dawned on me that you had other human friends, and I … I think it’s a good thing is all,” she looked away, “so what all do we have for treaties, no wait, what did you call them? Snackers, was it?”

“Oh yeah,” I looked into the bag, “we’ve got this thing called an egg roll, which is basically a fried pouch of like ground meat and cabbage, a hot dog, and three slices of pizza. What do you want to try?” I walked us over to a bench by this giant statue of some miner boss that was important to the town’s history or something.

Pearl sat on the bench and crossed her legs, “Hmmmm, I suppose I’ll try the pizza. Steven seems to enjoy pizza, so maybe if I like it I can join you all with eating it some time.”

I handed her one of the triangular shaped boxes, “Sometimes I like to eat the cardboard too, but the pizza itself is definitely the better part.”

She took the greasy sausage and pepperoni slice out of the box and glared at it.  Pearl took in a deep breath, bit a huge chunk off, chewed it three times, and then shook her head and spat the bite out into the trash can, “Ugh, nope, nope, that is still a hard no for me.  Why do you like that sensation?”

Pearl handed the rest of the slice with the cardboard to me.

I laughed and quickly ate the rest of the pizza slice, “I don’t know, I just like mashing stuff up into little bits and letting it pass through my body so that it comes out in a completely different shape.”

Pearl shuddered, “Well, I’m glad you enjoy it at least.”

I hopped off the bench and shoved half the hot dog in my mouth, “C’mon, let’s keep going.”

I led Pearl to an abandoned building way on the outskirts of town.  I wasn’t exactly sure what it had been when it was open, something called a sanitarium. Now it was just filled with old memories and rubble, although part of the building was used by the city council to store stuff they weren’t sure what to do with anymore too.

“What are we doing here?” Pearl asked as she clasped her arms around her torso.

“Oh, this is one of my favorite places.  I like to try to make up stories behind all the stuff that’s laying around, and check on my rat babies.”

“R-rat babies?”

“You’ll see,” I stopped at this painting of some old-timey dude in a lab coat with a monocle, “oh yeah, check this dude out.  I like to call him old Santi and pretend he ran the place, then one day his monocle went missing and he was never seen again, but he still watches everything that happens through the painting, frozen in time. What story would you give him?”

Pearl looked at the painting, “Oh, I don’t know Amethyst, I’m not creative like you are.”

“Pfft, whaaat? Of course you’re creative. You like, make machines, and blueprints, and inventions, and shit.”

“Amethyst! Language.” She gave me a side-glare.

“Oh please, P. it’s not like Steven is around, and they’re just words.  Besides, you said dammit in front of Steven this afternoon.”

“What? No I – oh! The projection of the memory! I said dammit. Oh gee,” she grabbed a clump of her hair, genuinely mad at herself for the slip of her tongue.

I laughed, “Don’t worry about it, Steven knows what cuss words are, Greg explained them, Steven just chooses not to use them because he worries about the people who find them rude. Besides, if I had been in that same situation I definitely would have used a much stronger word than dammit.”

She smiled at me again and then looked at the painting, “Hm, well, I suppose he was probably the founder of this health facility but then lost funding so now the place is in ruins without his guidance?”

“Oh, health facility? Is that what a sanitarium is?”

“Well yes, albeit a bit archaic in treatment by the looks of things. I believe the etymology for sanitarium is rooted in the Latin word for health, _sanitas_. What did you think it was?”

“Ohhhhh, that kinda makes this place a little creepy then.  Oh well, still love it.  I guessed maybe there was something sanitary about it when it was up and running but never gave that much thought.  Oh yeah, I was going to show you my rat babies.”

I walked over to the section that had been transformed to store stuff for the city and bee-lined it to this bird shaped float for some parade humans threw in celebration of the holiday where they ate a ton of food. I think it was the one that we tried to celebrate with other Greg, but couldn’t remember what it was called.  In the center of the bird float was a giant tear in the fabric with a metallic rib sticking out.  I tore up one of the slices of pizza and threw it in.  Nine rats appeared and started chowing down and happily squeaking. “Oh wow,” I grinned and looked at Pearl, “when I first started doing this there were only like two little guys.  Guess they’re starting to take over.” Pearl just kept staring at me.  I broke up the other piece of pizza for the rats and then ate the egg roll and tossed the bag.

“So you’ve been feeding them for a while?” Pearl asked.

I shrugged, “Yeah, since I found this place a few months ago.”

“Why?” Pearl raised one eyebrow.

I blushed, “I don’t know, I just like how they’re living it up somewhere everyone else gave up on. Like, there’s value in everything, even the trash and the misfits, even in the things other people have decided are worthless and thrown out.”

Pearl smiled, crouched down, and hugged me, “Thanks for showing this place to me.”

“Alright, what’s going on?” I pushed her away, “I mean, I’m glad you like this place and all, but I imagined you would mostly be like grossed out and want to make everything clean and symmetrical.”

“Oh it definitely bothers me that things are not clean,” Pearl smiled and looked around again, “but this is also exactly what I was looking for.”

“How is some crumbling, rat infested, abandoned building what you’re looking for?!” I put my hands up in exasperation.

Pearl sat down and looked up at the night sky through the gaping hole in the roof, “I just realized that I never fully explored the freedom this planet offers despite living here for thousands of years.  After recent… _events_ , I figured it was time.  You’ve always lived here, and you’ve always been able to just go from moment to moment wherever the tide carries you.  I just, wanted to see what that’s like.” She pulled her knees up to her chest, “I suppose I feel…worthless right now and I wanted to make a decision to counter that.”

“Aw gee P.” I sat down next to her and rested my hand on her back, “You’re the only one who sees yourself as worthless ya know? And sometimes I wish I would think things through like you do.  There are so many things I regret saying or doing because I just acted on a fleeting emotion instead of really thinking what I meant.”

She chuckled, “We really are polar opposites in a lot of ways.”

                The door creaked open behind us. I looked back and saw one of the local high schoolers, Lauren.

“Hey kid, what up,” I waved at her.

“Oh Amethyst!” She looked nervously at Pearl and shoved her hands in her pockets.

“Don’t be shy, this is Pearl, she’s pretty cool too,” I waved Lauren over.

She came over and sat next to me, “So what brings you here tonight?”

“I was just showing Pearl around.  Fed the rats, made up stories for that guy,” I gestured to the painting.

“Oh you mean Dr. Lector Kramer?” Lauren’s face lit up, “ He ran this place for years.  Rumor has it he was trying a bunch of experimental research on tons of patients without approval and pitting patients against each other, and then he lost his mind and started eating the ones that lost his little games.  Supposedly, one of the patients turned the tables and trapped him in one of his own experiments and now he haunts these empty halls. Pretty morbid and cool right? Although I’ve never seen anything super weird here.  The cemetery for sure, but not here.  Mostly I just like the ambience and how clear the stars are.”

“Whoa, that is way more twisted than the stories we came up with for the dude,” I laughed and wrapped my arm around Lauren too. “Oh yeah, you know all the like myths and constellations right? Pearl will probably find them pretty interesting, she knows about stars and stuff.”

Pearl shrugged, “Well, I know our location within the sector and the Gem designations for the stars, not any of the human stories. I’d love to learn though.” She looked at Lauren and smiled.

                Lauren hyperventilated a bit and then smiled and took a deep breath. She was a nervous kid, and pretty odd, but once you got her talking about things she really liked she would go a mile a minute. We laid down in a triangle with our heads together and Pearl and Lauren and just talked about all of the different stories and pictures humans created out of the night sky.  Lauren had this little green laser to point out exactly what she was talking about.  Said she had to be careful with it, but since the airport nearby shut down, it was less dangerous.  Pearl ended up asking about one, faint speck of light in particular.

Lauren nodded, “Oh, that one is pretty interesting. It’s actually the farthest object we can see in the night sky with the naked eye, and the only other galaxy that can be seen without a telescope.  This galaxy is on a collision course with it too, although it will be waaaaaaaay, way in the future before that happens. We call it the Andromeda galaxy.  The constellation Andromeda is this one right here,” she pointed out a few starts, “she’s riding on the back of Pegasus, a winged horse,” she pointed to a square like group of stars, “and she’s being rescued by Perseus in the Milky Way band. It kinda looks like he’s looking up her skirt,” she pointed out another constellation, “Perseus slayed the gorgon Medusa and then stumbled upon Andromeda and rescued her from the sea monster Cetus.  They ended up getting married and Perseus turned one of the guests to stone with Medusa’s severed head because Andromeda had previously been promised to him so he objected the union.”

“Gee, I didn’t realize how hardcore human stories got,” I laughed.

“Any particular reason you wanted to know about Andromeda?” Lauren asked Pearl.

“Oh, well, that’s where I’m from and where the Gem Homeworld is. Amethyst was made here on Earth, but I was made on Homeworld several thousand years ago.  I was just interested in the story humans have attached to it.”

“Whoa, you came all the way from another galaxy! That’s so cool. Humans can’t even get to the next planet in the solar system yet.  I love how massive the universe is though. It reminds me how small and insignificant my life is in the grand scheme of things.”

“You… _like_ that feeling?” Pearl asked.  I grinned, even in just the tone of her voice I could picture her expression of confused curiosity.

“Of course!” Lauren smiled as she talked, “I never got why everyone feels they have to be the center of everything. They just end up unhappily struggling for something that can never be achieved. I prefer to look at the vastness of the life and space and remember that all of my problems are so small and inconsequential.  Makes me feel like I can tackle anything that comes my way because it’s not really going to matter in the end.  And it gives me the freedom to be happy pursuing whatever I want rather than what I think will have the most impact.  I have so many friends that want to be something grand like a surgeon, or the president, but really, they just want to feel important and have no interest in those fields.  Me? I just want to make the special effects in horror movies, even just B movies.  I just think that’s what is fun and would make me the happiest. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with things in my life I just look up and think this planet is just a speck in the universe, and I’m just a speck on that speck, and it makes me feel invincible, you know?”

Pearl brought one of her legs to a ninety-degree angle and rested her hands on her stomach, “I have certainly never thought of things that way… the power of being small. I would say freedom and happiness are not insignificant things though.”

Lauren nodded, “Fair enough, although I think most people focus more on how you find happiness and freedom and judge that over actually being free and happy. What do I know though, I’m just another high schooler in a small, run-down town.”

“Perhaps more than you give yourself credit for.” Pearl replied.  I looked over at her and was surprised to see she was… relaxed.

Lauren left to go home before her mom got off her second job. I asked Pearl what she wanted to do next.  She put both hands behind her head and said, “I think I just want to stare at the stars and enjoy feeling small for a while longer.”

I grinned and mimicked her position, “Pfft, welcome to every second of every day of my life.” We remained in silence for another hour at least before heading back home.  Before Pearl went into her room, I grabbed her arm, “Hey, next time you get a wild hair to just wing it, let me know, there are plenty of other things to explore. Who knows, maybe one day we’ll actually find a food you like too.”

She shuddered when I mentioned the food, “I highly doubt that last part, but as for the rest,” she gave me thumbs up, “I look forward to it.”    

                She left into her room and I had this odd sensation in my chest.  It took me a second, but I realized it was pride.  I had been able to help, I had been able to contribute to Pearl being happy, and just by being myself.  I was pumped up suddenly so I tied my hair into a ponytail and went outside.  I spent the rest of the night practicing with my whip thinking, “ _I’m gonna protect you, just watch_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of this chapter was very, very heavily inspired and shaped by the game A Night in the Woods, it’s practically a crossover. As always, hope you enjoy!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life almost back to normal. Mission goes awry.

**Steven**

    When I woke up Peridot and Pearl were going over all of the data again at kitchen counter.

“Morning Peridot, morning Pearl,” I yawned, “where’s everyone else?”

“Garnet is still in her room and Amethyst is outside practicing,” Pearl said as she shuffled some papers around.

“And Lapis uh,” Peridot fiddled with her bow tie, “well she decided not to come today.  She wants to help and all, but yesterday freaked her out a little so I suggested she just relax and watch Camp Lonely Hearts. I offered to stay with her, but she said she needed a little space.” Peridot was frowning.

“Is something wrong?” I asked Peridot.

Peridot blushed, “It’s just...when Lapis came back I was really happy.  And I’m still happy.  She was so worried I was going to be mad, but I wasn’t, and now I’m starting to think maybe I am? Especially with this...hesitation to act.  I get that none of this is easy,” Peridot gestured to our surroundings, “and that she’s been through a lot but, but, I just don’t know how much longer I can take the back and forth! What if she runs away again! What if she does and then never comes back?”

Pearl placed a hand on Peridot’s shoulder, “Well, you should probably tell Lapis all of that.”

I nodded, “Yeah, Pearl’s right.”

“But I already told her I wasn’t mad she had ran away and taken everything we had built together.”

“That’s okay,” I shrugged, “Feelings change, you just have to keep communicating.”

“What, and just like that everything will be better?” Peridot raised one eyebrow.

“Well, not necessarily, sometimes it takes a while,” I scratched the back of my head, “but it’s only going to get worse unless you say something.”

Peridot sighed, “I guess you’re right.  I’ll have to think what I’m going to say though,” she adjusted her visor, “honestly, I’m not even entirely sure what I’m feeling.”

Amethyst kicked open the door, “Hey P. hey Peri, hey Steven.” She opened the fridge, grabbed two plates of leftovers, smashed them together, and then ate them, plates and all, “so what’s the plan for the day?”

Garnet came out of the Temple, “Today, we’ll need to split up. Pearl, are you up for a mission? It will be much easier with you on the team.”

Pearl placed the papers in her hands down and stood up, “It will be a much needed break from staring at all this data,” she grinned, “where to?”

Garnet nodded, “Peridot and I will keep monitoring The Cluster to make sure it is still secure.  As for you three, there’s a dangerous corruption in the ruins of Pink Diamond’s military headquarters.  Pearl, I’m sure you still remember the layout, correct?”

Pearl placed one hand on her hip, “Of course, it’s only been a few thousand years.”

“Why would a Pearl, even a Diamond Pearl know the layout of a military base?” Peridot stood up.

“Not just _a_ Pearl,” Garnet placed her hand on Peridot’s head, “our Renegade Pearl here used to spy on the Diamond’s plans while pretending to still be loyal under Pink Diamond.”

Pearl blushed, “Well, it wasn’t quite that glamourous, Blue’s and Yellow’s troops were the only ones I actually had to spy on, and I rarely ever had a chance to get information on their attacks.”

Garnet wrapped her arm around Pearl, “Yet every time you did you saved hundreds of rebel gems.”

Pearl grinned and put her arm around Garnet, “As I’ve said before, one does try their best.”

    I smiled, “All right! It’s been a while since we’ve been on a normal mission with just the three of us!” I was pumped so I jumped and hovered at eye level with Pearl and held out my hand for a high-five.  Pearl was surprised at first and then smiled, “C’mon Pearl, don’t leave me hanging,” I wiggled my hand.

“Oh, right,” Pearl gently high-fived me.

I giggled, “You gotta put more force behind it than that Pearl.”

“Oh, uh like this,” she repeated the high-five, barely harder than the first.

“No,” Garnet said, “like this!” Garnet high-fived me so hard I flew backwards, broke through the screen door, tumbled on the deck, and hit the railing.  I heard Garnet and Pearl both yell my name and Amethyst fell to the floor laughing.  I sprang to my feet, my legs wobbled a little, “I-uh, I’m okay! Nice high-five Garnet!”

Garnet blushed, “I underestimated the power of the high-five.”

Pearl looked at the screen, “Uhh, does Greg have a replacement for this?”

 

**Amethyst**

Pearl, Steven, and I were walking on an edge of a cliff that led from the Warp Pad to this military base the corrupted gem was supposed to be in. So far everything was calm.

“Steven watch out,” Pearl shouted and quickly caught Steven as he slipped and almost fell off the edge. The mud caused her to start sliding too, “Amethyst. I’m slipping!”

“Gotcha!” I summoned my whip and caught Pearl around the waist to pull them back up to the dryer part of the ledge.

“Sorry, sorry, I got distracted, but I know, I know, I need to be more careful. Gotta focus.” Steven apologized as he clung to Pearl.

Pearl closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, “It’s okay, we got you. What has you so distracted?”

“Well, it looks like there are rooms below ground down there, I was just curious.” Steven kept holding on to Pearl as he looked down again.

I glanced down and saw glimpses of pink rooms and columns below from collapses in the caverns.

Pearl looked, “Oh, that’s… well, that’s not really a place we want to go. Hopefully the corruption isn’t there.”

“What was it?” Steven looked up at Pearl.

Pearl wrapped her arms around herself, “Near the beginning of the Gem War some battles ended with rebels being captured. They were kept there.  Your mother and I broke as many of them out as we could. As the war dragged on though, Yellow took control of the prison and decided it was a waste of resources.  She ordered that no more prisoners were to be taken, and I was never able to find out what she did with the ones still in custody.  Sometimes, I hope that they were just bubbled, but other times...I worry they were shattered.”

“It must have been hard,” Steven looked back at the caverns, “knowing how close your captured friends were and not being able to let them all out.”

Pearl’s voice cracked for a moment, “It was.  There were a lot of hard choices back then. I was constantly questioning if what I was doing was right, if it was the best outcome I could strive towards, all while trying to protect my identity as well so I could still gather information. But it was war, and in war, actions and decisions are made that no one ever really expects to make, and I think everyone ends up regretting some of them.”

“Pearl,” Steven fidgeted a little and paused before he asked his next question, “was Pink Diamond really as bad as Garnet said? Was my mom, was she really justified in shattering her?”

“Steven, your mother-” Pearl’s hands suddenly covered her mouth. She seemed to be struggling to move them and still speak.

“Whoa, what’s going on Pearl?” I asked and placed a hand on her arm. She locked eyes with me and I could tell she was distressed and frustrated. “Pearl, hey, c’mon, it’s alright, it’s me and Steven, you can -”

The ground shook violently and a giant corruption sprang from the side of the mountain above us.  It had a large upturned snout, a long serpent like body, and two leathery wings.  Instead of eyes there were only a series of antenna and bumps all over its face.  I couldn’t locate it’s gem.  It roared and revealed three rows of teeth.

“Pearl, I can’t see it’s gem!” I yelled as we dodged the falling rocks.  Steven had jumped to the right, but Pearl and I both went left, and the rocks created a wall between us.

“Steven!” Pearl and I yelled in unison.

I grabbed Pearl’s hand, “Quick, let’s form Opal and shoot this thing out of the sky so we can check on Steven.”

Pearl yanked her hand away,” W-we don’t need Opal, I got this.” Her voice trembled.

“What?!” I yelled.

Pearl ignored me and jumped straight up as she summoned her spear.  She aimed and shot several lasers through the corruptions wings.  It howled and plummeted to the ground.  Right before it hit the caverns it turned itself face down and burrowed away.

“Great! I take back what I said about you planning and thinking things through!” I yelled at Pearl as she landed.

She blushed, “Well, at least we can check on Steven.”

“Yeah, then we have to chase that thing underground! Why didn’t you listen to me!?” I was so angry, after last night I thought we had bonded and gotten closer again, but suddenly when I suggest fusion she still acts like being with me is the worst thing that can happen.

Pearl fumbled over her words, “I just - I didn’t - I thought I could just…” she stopped trying to speak and looked away from me.

“You just thought what?! That you didn’t need me? That I couldn’t possibly help? That you’re just sooo much better than me how could I ever be useful!!”

“What? No, Amethyst, that isn’t it at all,” Pearl crouched down and went to grab my shoulders.

I swatted her hands away, “Then what?!”

Pearl started to cry, she spoke so softly I almost couldn’t hear her, “I’m scared.”

Steven floated down and landed safely behind Pearl, he must have jumped over the rocks.

I went from angry to confused, “Scared? Of what?”

“Fusion,” Pearl looked me directly in the eyes, “what if the damage from the White Diamond’s attack spreads to anyone I fuse with? The way corruption spread to Jasper? What if that was the whole point of White Diamond sending me back? What if she intended for me to regain consciousness and then inflict this mind imprisonment on the Crystal Gems so the Earth is defenseless?”

I felt like an idiot.  I had let my own self-esteem issues push me to anger too quickly again. I pushed my feelings aside and sighed, “Aw gee P.,” I hugged her, “White Diamond didn’t send you back so you can weaken us, she sent you back because she underestimated you again.  Just like she underestimated you when she took you, just like she underestimated you when she gave you the choice to destroy the Sun Incinerator, and just like I’m sure she’s always underestimated you.”

 Pearl shook, “You’re probably right,” she took a sharp breath in and wiped away her tears.

Steven placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Fusion with me is still too risky though.  Even if all of this wasn’t an elaborate plot to lull me into a false sense of security and spread the damage to the Crystal Gems, the fact remains that we know damage from the Diamonds _can_ be passed on through fusion.”

I crossed my arms and thought, she was right, Jasper did prove that corruption could spread, and there was so much we just didn’t understand about Diamond attacks.  I didn’t want Pearl to feel so permanently damaged though, and there were going to be other times where we were going to need Opal, or Alexandrite, or even Sardonyx. “Hmm, we’ll have to discuss with Garnet after the mission.  Right now though, we have a monster to bag, and you’re our guide, so lead on P.”

Pearl’s eyebrows furrowed and she nodded, “Mm-hm, you’re right, let’s focus on the task at hand.” She stood up and walked in front, “There’s an entrance down into the prison around the bend.  Judging by where it burrowed, we should be able to track it better from there rather than the base itself.”

The ground shook again and the corruption shot from the mountainside again, its mouth gaping. Steven jumped in front of Pearl and formed a bubble just in time and it swallowed them.  I went to lasso it with my whip but its tail hit me as it passed.  I tumbled down the cliffside and landed with a thud on another ledge.  I grumbled and looked up just in time to see a rockslide crashing down on me.  I flipped over and curled into a ball to protect my gem as best as I could.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lost.

**Steven**

    I held the bubble for as long as I could.  We were stuck in the third row of teeth in the corruption’s mouth.  It felt like Pearl and I were stuck there for hours but it was probably only a minute or so until it spat us out with as much force as it could.  Pearl clutched me tightly as we shot from the monster’s mouth into complete darkness.  My bubble hit something and shattered.  The whiplash from the impact separated us and I heard Pearl briefly cry out in pain. I yelled her name and then my back hit something so hard it winded me.  Next thing I felt was a pain in my arm and head, then everything faded out. 

************

I woke up with a pillow and sleeping bag under me, and a small fire roaring a few feet away. “Wha?” I sat up, my left arm was wrapped up and in a sling.  It ached worse than anything I felt when I tried to move it so I let the arm dangle in the sling. My head pounded a little, and I grabbed it with my right hand.

“Oh Steven! You’re finally awake,” Pearl came over and placed her hands on my shoulders, then spoke so fast I almost didn’t keep up. “Are you okay? I patched you up as best as I knew with what I had stored in my gem for if things ever went wrong on a mission. Oh, are you hungry or thirsty? I have cans of food and bottled water in case of emergency for you.”

“I’m okay for now. How long was I out?’ I asked and stood up.

“A few hours, you must have hit your head when we were separated.”

“Where’s Amethyst?” I asked.

Pearl shook her head, “I’m not sure Steven.  I’m not even entirely sure where this thing left us, it’s outside of the military compound and the dungeon.”

I looked around, but everything was pitch black except for a small sphere of light from the fire. It just looked like a freshly dug tunnel from the little I could make out though.

I tried to wiggle my left arm a little again, “I think my arm might be broken.”

Pearl cringed, “That’s what I worried too, I hope it doesn’t hurt too bad.”

I chuckled, “Wish I could heal myself.  Wait, can I?”

Pearl thought for a moment, “I’m actually not sure if you can or not. I don’t recall your mother ever healing herself, but I also can’t recall her ever trying to.”

I licked my right hand and slapped it on my left arm.  Pearl and I both looked closely, there was a pink glow and the pain went away.  I jumped up and whooped, “All right!”

Pearl smiled, “Oh good.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful though Steven,” she added in a serious tone as she took off the sling and bandages and put them back in her gem.

“Aw don’t worry Pearl, just because I can heal myself doesn’t mean I want to. Oh yeah, are you okay? I heard you cry out when we were thrown apart.”

    “Oh, I’m fine Steven, it was just the shock from hitting the cavern wall after your bubble popped.  That corruption certainly spat us out with an incredible amount of force. It was probably good I hit first, as damaged as you were, I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been if my body hadn’t padded the blow.”

I gave Pearl a quick kiss on the cheek.

Pearl raised an eyebrow, “What was that for?”

“Because you forget to think about your own well-being sometime and I figured you probably took more damage than you realized.”

She blushed, “Well, I have to admit,” she stretched her back, “you may have been right.”

“So this is a cavern and not just a tunnel?”

Pearl shook her head, “We’re in a tunnel now. There is a large opening with several stalactites and stalagmites about a mile behind us though and that’s where we initially landed.  I figured we should be able to follow the tunnel the corruption dug to the surface so I carried you for a while.  When you didn’t wake up I thought maybe it would best to let you rest.”

I looked at the sleeping bag and wood for the fire and smiled, “Thanks Pearl, I didn’t even know you had all of this stuff in your gem.”

“I used to just have food and water, since I knew those were essential.  Greg helped me with the rest.  Since you’re feeling better we should get moving, Amethyst is probably worried about us.”

I nodded and dug my phone out of my pocket, “Oh no! My phone is broken, now what am I gonna use for a flashlight!”

“Oh,” Pearl brought a flashlight out from her gem, “here.”  She then stored the sleeping bag and pillow.

“Thanks Pearl!”  I turned the flashlight on as Pearl covered the fire with the surrounding dirt and then illuminated the path in front of us with her gem.

We walked for a few hours and then came up to another tunnel intersected with the one we were already in.  It was hard to tell which way was the continuation and which was the new tunnel.

Pearl huffed, “Great, which way should we go?”  She illuminated both paths with her gem.

“Oh, oh, oh, I got this! Connie showed me this in a survival book.” I licked my hand and held it in the air after walking down the left tunnel.  I didn’t feel a draft.  I repeated the process in the right tunnel.  I still didn’t feel a draft. “Uhhhhh, well, that didn’t work, I guess we aren’t close enough to the surface to get a draft. Hmmm, oh!  Do you have anything in your gem that can be used to mark which path we took in case we have backtrack?”

Pearl thought for a second and then smiled, “How about these?”  She summoned a pack of glow sticks from her gem.

“Perfect! We’ll be able to see them from far away even!”

We came across more tunnels crisscrossing and had to backtrack twice when the tunnel ended with a cave-in.   After another few hours, my stomach growled so we took a break and Pearl gave me a can of beans and bottle of water from her gem.

“I hope Amethyst is okay.” I said as I finished the water.

“The only way we’ll know for sure is if we get out of here.” Pearl said as she fidgeted. “The sooner we’re not trapped underground, the better.”

    We kept trying tunnel after tunnel until we ended up in a huge cavern.  Pearl lit a portion of the wall that was damaged. “No! No, we went in a circle! We’re back where we started!”

“It’s okay Pearl; we just have to keep trying.”

She paced a little and then projected a map starting with the cavern we were in.  I watched in amazement as she added every single tunnel, intersection, and dead end we had come across until the tunnel that had led us back here. “Whoa Pearl, how did you remember all of that?”

“Perfect recollection is one of my purposes,” she replied and then added, “okay let’s head back to this intersection, judging by the surrounding area I think it’s most likely to lead us closer to the surface.”

“Okey-Dokey!” I grinned and jumped up to the tunnel that would lead us there fastest according to Pearl’s map. “I guess we didn’t have to mark the tunnels with the glow sticks since you just remembered it.”

“They’re still useful, especially if we get separated somehow,” Pearl smiled.

    We kept trying different tunnels until I became so exhausted I started falling asleep while walking.  I told Pearl to just carry me, but she decided it was best to just set up camp again so she can analyze the map she had and plan our next move.  I curled up in the sleeping bag next to Pearl and barely said good night before I fell asleep.

**Amethyst**

    It took me forever to fight my way out from under the rocks.  I had managed to protect my gem and only take mild damage to my physical body.  By the time I worked my way out from under the rubble it was well into the afternoon.  I jumped down the tunnel made by the corruption when it snagged Pearl and Steven, but it dead-ended in a pile of dirt from a cave in.  I went over to the tunnel made when Pearl had shot the monster out of the sky and dove in.

    There was a series of tunnels dug up by the thing and it was pitch black.  I got turned around really quickly and honestly wasn’t even sure how to get back to the surface anymore.  I started berating myself for not thinking things through. “Great, now even if I find Pearl and Steven then what? Oh hey guys, I came here to rescue you but I’m just as lost! Great plan Amethyst. Ugh!”  I started running through the tunnels, blindly turning left and right. Suddenly the ground beneath me disappeared and I dropped down at least twenty feet before I grabbed a column with my whip and slid the rest of the way down to the bottom of this massive cavern.  

    I looked around and saw a faint glow way off in the distance.  I jumped towards it and found a glow stick.  Steven and Pearl must have been here.  I started following the glow sticks but I was still lost and didn’t see another sign of them.  I yelled their names and kept following their trail.  I was at it for what seemed like forever and frustrated because I felt like I wasn’t making any progress.  I had no idea what else to do though. 

    I yelled for Steven and Pearl again and then flopped to the ground.  “Where are you two?”

And then Steven was in my head.

“Amethyst! You’re okay!”

“Steven! Where are you?”

“Oh, Pearl and I are in these tunnels the corruption dug trying to find our way out.  We had to stop for me to sleep though.  Where are you?”

“I’m in the tunnels too, I found these glow sticks I figured you left.”

“Yeah,” I vaguely felt Steven get excited, “it was supposed to mark where we had been so we wouldn’t keep going through the same tunnel accidentally, but Pearl memorized every turn we took and is developing a map.  I guess now it will lead you to us though! What color is the glow stick?”

“Pink.”

“Oh, you’re actually really close then! After the pink ones we changed to green, I’d only placed three of four of green ones before we decided to rest.  Just keep following them and we’ll be reunited soon.”

“Alright, don’t leave without me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he said and giggled, “get it? Dream? Cuz I’m asleep right now.”

“Ha ha ha,” I forced a chuckle and kept moving.

    The glow sticks were pink for quite a while longer and I started to worry I had gotten turned around somehow and was about to give up when I saw the next one was green.  “All right!” I shouted and ran.  After the third green glow stick I came across Steven asleep in a sleeping bag, a small dying fire, and Pearl frozen up in her mind.  I tried to snap Pearl out of her head, but couldn’t seem to get a response so I woke Steven up.

“You made it!” He shouted and gave me a huge hug.

“Yeah, yeah, I can follow glow sticks.  Help me get Pearl back to the present so we can get out of here.”

Steven looked at Pearl, “Oh, I guess feeling trapped in the tunnels must have gotten to her.  She’s been pretty anxious for a while since we’ve been lost.” He rolled up the sleeping bag and turned on a flashlight.  He shook Pearl gently, “Hey c’mon, we need your map to get out of here.  Perfect recollection purpose activate right?”  He laughed even though his face showed he was worried.

    Pearl grabbed Steven’s wrist and looked at him like she didn’t recognize him for a moment.  Then she spoke slowly, “Ah you’re awake,” she let him go, looked at me and added in a monotone voice, “and you’re here. Good, let’s get going.” She stood up, projected a map and walked ahead.

“Oh uh, wait up,” Steven said and followed, “would you mind storing this again?” He asked and held out the sleeping bag.

“Of course,” Pearl took it and stored it, then kept walking.  

    She seemed...off, maybe she was just embarrassed?  Or anxious? Regardless, she had the best idea of where to go so we followed her.   I tried to ask her how she was doing but she shushed me and said she needed to focus. We walked in silence for at least another hour before we finally made it to the surface.  We were next to the Warp Pad and it was morning. I had this vague feeling of unease with Pearl still.

Pearl stopped and held her hands behind her back.  The stance seemed somewhat familiar.

“I guess we should go track down that corruption now,” I said.

Pearl didn’t speak for a moment, then she summoned her spear and said with an edge to her voice, “I suppose so.”  When she turned and I saw the expression on her face, it suddenly hit me.

“White Diamond.” I summoned my whip, “Get out of Pearl’s head!”     

“Amethyst?” Steven asked uneasily.

White Diamond sneered through Pearl, “Well, well, took you long enough to realize.  I don’t blame you though, this Pearl is more extraordinary and unpredictable than even I gave her credit.  Absolutely fascinating, I expected to find a shell of a gem after I let my anger get the best of me.  Instead, she has somehow coped with the damage and is still functioning.  Truly remarkable.  I am very glad I have yet another chance to rehabilitate and integrate this Pearl back into her rightful place.”

“Leave her alone!” Steven yelled, “She doesn’t want to be anywhere except here and anyone except herself!”

“Yeah, so piss off!” I added and got closer, “Pearl is way stronger, and way smarter, and way better without you, you sadistic tyrant!”

White Diamond Pearl laughed, “Sadistic tyrant? Because I am trying to fix the damage you fools have inflicted on this Pearl so she can fulfill her purpose and add her strength to the whole of gem kind?”

“Oh please,” I scoffed, “You don’t know Pearl, and you don’t care about her one bit.  You just care about control and destruction.  You’re just a small minded gem who thinks you’re hot stuff ‘cuz you happen to be a Diamond.  Well, this is Earth and -”

Pain suddenly spread from my chest as White Diamond used Pearl to ram her spear through me a mere inch away from my gem.  I had forgotten how fast Pearl could move. I looked at Pearl’s face and saw tears start running down her cheeks.  I grabbed her spear.  Steven was yelling something, but my ears were ringing and I couldn’t make it out.

    Pearl’s gem glowed and her face contorted with pain. Then she fell to her knees, grabbed my face with both hands and sobbed, “Amethyst, no, I’m so sorry.”

I chuckled, “There you are Pierogi, welcome back.”

The last thing I saw before retreating to my gem was Pearl running towards the Warp Pad sobbing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is not fine. The Off Colors get a tour of Earth.

**Steven**

    “Pearl! Wait!” I yelled.  I ran and grabbed Amethyst’s gem on my way to the Warp Pad, but I wasn’t able to get there fast enough and fell onto the smooth, crystal surface with a thud.

I looked at Amethyst’s gem, “What do I do? I have no idea where she would have gone. She’s probably freaking out though. Oh, wait, maybe,” I warped to the strawberry battlefield, “this is where I found her last time she ran away upset. Pearl!”  I yelled and walked around a bit, but there was no sign of her. I looked at Amethyst’s gem, “I guess we should go get Garnet. Maybe with Future Vision she’ll know.” I warped back home.

“Garnet! Peridot!”  The house was empty. I went into the Temple but didn’t find anyone there either.  I went to both Kindergartens and the Barn and found them empty as well.

“I-it’s okay.  They’re just somewhere else.  It doesn’t mean anything bad happened to them, too, while we were gone, right? Right.”  I warped back home.  “Everything will be fine, we’ll be fine, you’ll reform soon, and we’ll find Pearl, and she’ll be fine, and eventually she’ll be healed, and White Diamond won’t be able to hurt her anymore, and the Earth won’t be in danger, and  everything will be fine again,” I kept talking to myself as I ran to Dad’s car wash. Dad was in the back of his van strumming his guitar and smiling, “Hey Steven how- whoa, kid-o you do not look like you’re having a good day.”

“Nothing is fine!” I suddenly burst out in tears.

**Peridot**

The Cluster was still stable and secure and there was zero signs of any tampering.  Despite my assurances, Garnet was still uneasy about the security of such a dangerous geo-weapon.  Naturally I did agree that with such a foe as The Diamond, or, as these Earther’s rudely referred to her as, White Diamond, that additional defenses would be wise.  Fortune was in our favor as it turned out, as I discovered an old monitoring bot that was mostly functional deep in the machinery of the Alpha Kindergarten Maintenance Post.  With a few parts and perhaps some additional help from the Pearl, I believed it could not only be restored, but patched in to the tablet Steven had given me so we could have 24/7 surveillance on both Kindergartens and The Cluster.

We took the broken matbot, which I had dubbed The All Seeing Eyes, or T.A.S.E. for short, back to the barn.  I had most of the components for the repair already, but not all of them.  I suggested that perhaps Pearl would have something of use.

“Let’s head back to the Temple then,” Garnet placed the bot in the center of the Barn, “if everything went as the most likely scenario I foresaw, Pearl and Amethyst should have taken care of the Corruption by forming Opal and they, along with Steven, should be waiting for us.  It should have been a good morale boost for Pearl as well, so she will likely be excited to work on this project with you right away.”

“Excellent,” I started walking towards the Warp Pad, “the sooner we get T.A.S.E up and running, the sooner we can be at ease about The Cluster.”

I glanced at Lapis on our way out, but she was just staring at the TV, she listlessly waved her hand goodbye as we passed.  I felt...something, but I wasn’t sure what it was.  Almost like a slight pressure on my chest, but also a burn, like I was sad and mad at the same time. This sadmad chest fire had been there for a few days now, but I wasn’t able to put my finger completely on why yet.  I knew it was mostly my unresolved issues with Lapis leaving and then returning again as I had told the others this morning, but there was something else as well, and until I identified that, I didn’t know how to talk to Lapis yet.

    We didn’t find Pearl, Amethyst, or Steven when we got back, but we did find one of the Off Colors from Homeworld, the fusion, well the Pearl and Ruby one.  Her name escaped me.

“Ah, Rhodonite, what brings you here?” Garnet asked.

“Oh, well, the other Off Colors and I are getting a little...cramped on the Sun Incinerator and we were wondering if maybe you could spare some time to show us around Earth a bit so we can find a more permanent home.”

Garnet grinned, “Of course, we would love to!”

I cleared my throat, “Except we are in the middle of some rather important business.”

Garnet shook her head, “Since Steven and the others aren’t back right now, the second most likely scenario must have happened where they had to track the Corruption into the tunnels and won’t be back until later today.  Unless you want to keep trying to fix T.A.S.E. without Pearl’s help, how about you join us Peridot?”

I debated my options.  I certainly could start work on T.A.S.E. even without Pearl, although I would not be able to finish the repairs and reprogramming.  However, that would also mean I would be alone with Lapis, well, Pumpkin would be there, but it only partially counted.

“I would be happy to join.  Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper tour of Earth.”

The rest of the day we hopped from place to place through the Warp Pad. The Rutile twins loved a mountain range, but Rhodonite and Fluorite felt it was too similar to places they hid in on Homeworld.  All of them, particularly Rhodonite and one of the Rutile twins, loved the base of a volcano with a series of hot springs, but Padparadscha almost fell into a chasm that was filled with magma.  Garnet barely caught her in time as Padps “predicted” the danger.  Fluorite loved the desert with the sudden unpredictable rain and dust storms and how it was constantly shifting shape through the movement of the sand, but she was the only one who enjoyed it.  We of course skipped both Kindergartens since they were hotspots for danger and the Off Colors had spent so much time hiding in old Homeworld Kindergartens.

We returned to the Temple without a place they all agreed on as the sun was just starting to set.  The Rutile twins suggested they explore the area around the Temple, maybe find something close by Lars and the other gems.  Garnet was distracted and didn’t respond to the idea.  The Off Colors all looked at each other, then Rhodonite asked, “is there something on the beach we should avoid or something?”

“What? Of course not, oh,” Garnet adjusted her glasses out of embarrassment, “it is a wonderful idea to explore the area, I think you actually might find something.  I will not be joining you though.  The other Crystal Gems should have been back by now, and since they aren’t, it means something outside the normal realms of prediction occurred so I must check on them.”

She went back onto the Warp Pad.

“Wait for me!” I ran and jumped into the stream just in time as Garnet warped away.

Garnet stood in silence for a moment and then told me, “stay close.”

A massive Corruption with an upturned snout ideal for digging shot out of the mountainside nearby.  Garnet picked me up and dodged the beast easily.  It burrowed away into the ground nearby.  Without hesitation, Garnet rushed after the creature into the tunnels.  I cheered her on.

**Amethyst**

    It took me longer than usual to reform.  I just couldn’t get my thoughts to focus.  What did White Diamond taking over Pearl mean?  Was she close and heading to Earth?  Why was she focused on Pearl anyway?  From what I had heard Pearl’s weren’t even considered real gems on Homeworld so I didn’t get why White Diamond was so determined to take Pearl back, did she see her as some interesting toy she just had to have? Did she _like_ Pearl and just have a super twisted way of showing it?  How long would it be before she would get here and try to take Pearl again now that she knew Pearl’s mind survived.   What would she do to the rest of us and the planet afterwards?

    I was finally able to focus and thought about what outfit I wanted.  I decided for my shirt to keep the tattered asymmetrical fringe, but changed the color to have black with a white stripe like lightning running from my left hip to right shoulder.  I went back to an off the shoulder strap for the let arm.  I kept my typical leggings, purple in color with black stars at my knees, and did white boots again as well. 

    I reformed and found myself at Greg’s car wash.

“Amethyst you’re back!” Steven shouted behind me.

I turned around with a grin, “Yep, good as new.”  Steven was sitting in Greg’s van with his Dad next to him.  Steven’s eyes were red and puffy and his nose was running so I asked, “You okay?’

Steven wiped his face with his shirt, “B-better now.  I just, freaked out a bit.  I tried to follow Pearl but I was too slow, and then I tried to find her and I couldn’t, and I can’t find Garnet or Peridot,” he started to cry again.

“Hey, hey, Steven, it’s okay, relax.” I plopped down next to the van, “Pearl probably just needed some time to herself and Garnet probably just had some vision and her and Peri went on another mission.”

Steven sniffled and wiped his face again, “B-but we know Pearl is in danger, we have to find her.” I could see how determined he was by the expression on his face.

“Well,” I sighed, “she had her cell phone on her right? How about you give her a call?”

“Oh,” he took his phone out of his pocket, “my phone broke in the caverns.”

“Yeesh bud, you really did a number on that thing,” Greg said as he looked at how cracked the screen was, “how about we drive over to the next city and get you a new one?”

Steven nodded.

    The ground started shaking. I jumped to my feet. The Corruption from the base erupted out of the ground near the car wash.  Peridot was clinging to its two largest antennae and yelling.

“Hold on Peridot!” Garnet shouted as she shot after them from the tunnel. Steven jumped down next to me and held out his hand, “How about we tackle this one together?”

I nodded and grabbed his hand.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despair.

**Pearl**

Hide.  That was the only thing I could think of.  Hide.  Where? How? Hide.  I warped somewhere, but I couldn’t focus enough to recognize where.  I started walking, my head felt like it was on fire, and all I could hear was what sounded like crashing tidal waves and constant ringing.  I was barely able to walk. Mental fatigue.  Hide.  My legs got tangled up on each other and I landed in mud.  I tried to remain conscious but I was too exhausted.

 ******

    I woke up on a couch in an unfamiliar room. I tried to sit up but the room blurred and spun so I laid back down.

“Oh, you’re awake, are you alright Pearl?”  A vaguely familiar human male asked. 

I squinted and focused on the human, “Hank r-right?”

He nodded, “Rodrigo and I found you in the woods on our morning walk before he heads to work. We brought you to our apartment since we figured magical alien would likely grab too much attention in a hospital.”

“Thank you,” I tried to get up again but everything was still spinning and there was a piercing pain in both sides of my head.  “I have to go; you’re not safe around me.”

“Because The Diamond is after you?”

“How-” I managed to push myself into a sitting position but was leaning heavily into the back of the couch.

“You mumbled a few things while you were out. One of the things was hide, The Diamond is coming for me.”

I blushed, “I didn’t project anything did I?”

“Uh,” Hank nervously adjusted his glasses, “Just the image of a woman with a lip piercing you called Sheena, you relaxed and slept peacefully after though. Someone important to you I take it?”

I smiled, “My girlfriend. Oh, she goes by S. though.  I’m not entirely sure why, she said there is a song or something that everyone associates with her name.”

“Sheena is a Punk Rocker,” Hank nodded.

“I guess? She does like music considered ‘punk rock’ I believe.”

Hank chuckled, “No, the song, it’s called Sheena is a Punk Rocker by the Ramones.”

“Oh, well, now I know,” I forced myself to sit up straight, “Regardless, thank you again for your hospitality.  The only thought in my head coming here was to hide so I must have recalled that here was ‘a great place to disappear’ as Rodrigo put it.  I need to leave though, White Diamond can take over my mind and body and I don’t want to hurt anyone else.  She can’t control a human directly since she only has powers over other Gems and not organic life, but since she can control me…” I grabbed my head and fought off tears.

“Well...” Hank stood up, “it’s the afternoon, so I have to go to work, and Rodrigo is going to run errands and then meet up with me after his shift ends at 6, so the apartment will be empty for several hours.  So you can rest here, and maybe call your girlfriend, I’m sure she’s worried about you.  If you need anything else, like a better hiding spot,” he grabbed a pencil, tore a piece of paper from a notepad after scribbling something, and handed it to me, “here’s my phone number.  You’re a friend of Amethyst, so you’re a friend to us, and friends, well,” he blushed, “you know, stick together and all of that whimsical fantasy of joy and comradery seen in movies.”

I took the piece of paper and nodded, “Thank you,” I inhaled to stop from crying, “thank you.”

Hank shrugged, “It’s no problem,” he looked at his watch, “I really have to go so I won’t be late for my shift.”

I nodded, the movement caused another stabbing pain in my head so I leaned back into the couch, “I will likely be gone when you get back, but I do think I will rest more.  I appreciate you two letting me - what is the term - crash here for a bit?”    

As Hank walked out the door he chuckled again he and looked back, “Don’t forget calling your girlfriend. I know if something was going on with Rodrigo and he was out of contact for half I day I would be pretty worried.”

“It’s been a day and a half now,” I closed my eyes to stop the room from spinning.

“Oh gee, I would be losing my mind if that happened. Hope you feel better Pearl, keep in touch.”

I started to reply but drifted off to sleep again.

    When I woke up again I felt much better, although my head still ached.  I looked around the room, unsure what my next move would be.  There was a TV and game console much like Steven had, and a video player with the time.  It was evening.  I thought about what Hank had said and pulled out my phone from my gem.  The battery was low and I had seven missed calls, two voicemails, and a few texts.  

One text was from Steven, “Hey Pearl, I got a replacement phone so you can contact me.  Amethyst is fine and regenerated btw. Hope to see you soon, since we’re really worried. We all love you <3.”  The others were from Sheena, yesterday morning letting me know she had made it to her destination safely, yesterday evening checking in and letting me know how work went, and then another one this morning, “Please, please let me know how you’re doing.  I’m sure I’m just not used to my girlfriend going off on crazy monster hunting adventures, and you’re probably just out somewhere without cell service and you’re gonna laugh at my paranoia, but I just have a bad feeling. Call or text me.” I went to type a reply, but everything I thought didn’t seem appropriate in a text.  

I listened to my voicemails, one was from Steven, “Hey Pearl,” Amethyst interrupted, “P. stop sulking, we’re worried about you,” there was a shuffling noise, and then I heard Steven again, “Amethyst! Sorry about that, we really are worried about you though. Please come home soon.”  

The second one was from S. “Pearl, Steven just called me and told me what happened.  Please, _please_ call me babe.  I’m so worried. Just, please call me.” Her voice cracked as she said the last sentence.

I looked at the ceiling.  I didn’t know what to do.  My phone rang.  I looked down and saw it was S. I picked upon the third ring, but I couldn’t think of what to say.

“Pearl! You picked up! Where are you? Are you okay?”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

“Pearl, please say something.”

I felt numb. I closed my mouth and then opened it again, “I don’t know what to do.”

S. sighed, “Oh, it’s good to hear your voice. Where are you?”

“I,” I realized I didn’t actually know, “I’m not sure.  It’s a human town Amethyst took me recently. She just said it was a city in the Rust Belt, but I don’t know the name of it.  A couple Amethyst introduced me to found me after I collapsed in the woods and have let me rest in their apartment. They’re both at work now though.” My voice seemed distant and cold. I still just felt...nothing.

“Well, give them a huge thank you for me, glad someone kept you safe.”

“Nowhere is safe.”

There was a pause. Then S. said, “True, but there are certainly some places safer than others, and with family and friends is better than being alone.”

     “No it’s not.  None of you are safe around me. No one is. This planet isn’t safe with me here.  No one is safe until I’m gone.” I felt like I was hollow and disconnected from my own form.

“Okay,” Sheena’s voice became stern, “so this is what’s going to happen: you’re either going to write down the address of the hotel I’m staying at and immediately join me here, or I’m calling the Gems and we’re gonna go there and find you, even if it takes all night.”

“It’s too risky.”

“It is risky, but to me, and I’m sure the Gems would agree, the riskiest scenario is you, alone, thinking somehow we’ll be safe without you.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“So what’s it going to be?” S. asked after giving me a chance to reply, “do you wanna be here or do I need to call the cavalry?”

“I’m not ready to face the Gems yet.”

“Alright then, do you have a pencil and a piece of paper to write the hotel address down?”

I grabbed the pencil from the lamp stand next to me and turned the piece of paper with Hank’s number on it over, “Okay, I’m ready.”

**Sheena**

I walked to the edge of the hotel’s parking lot and lit a cigarette.  I had been cutting back at Pearl’s request, and because it wasn’t exactly healthy, but my nerves were shot. Pearl had stayed with me on the phone as she looked up the hotel and walked to the Warp Pad.  We hung up so she could warp nearby. Her phone battery was about dead and the closest warp was in the mountains so I knew to not expect another call, but I held my phone tightly and kept an eye out for her.  Twenty minutes passed, but it seemed like hours.

Finally, I saw her slender frame walking down the street.  Her face was expressionless and she was staring at the ground.  I was so happy to see her I teared up.  God I was falling hard for her. I shook off the nerves and ran over to her, “Pearl!”

She looked up at me, her eyes were dead and defeated, but for a moment, there was a spark and she smiled.  As soon as I was close enough I hugged her tight and buried my face in her short, peach-colored hair.   I felt her arms wrap around me and hold tight.  She rested her gem on my clavicle and started weeping and shaking.  She tried to speak, but she only stuttered and then just sobbed uncontrollably. I started swaying back and forth, still cradling her in my arms and reassured her, “It’s okay Pearl, I’ve got you.”

    We walked back to the room holding hands after Pearl was able to steady herself.  I turned all except one light off to help Pearl’s headache.  I started boiling water in my electric kettle and readying the tea I always brought with me when I traveled.  Pearl asked me about work.  I could tell she was trying to avoid thinking about White Diamond so I obliged and then carried the conversation on to anything else I could think of.

We were both on the bed, sitting against the headboard, leaning on each other, and on our second cup of tea when Pearl started crying. “Sorry, I just can’t not think about what happened.”

“Then let’s talk about it,” I reached down and grabbed her free hand.  

She placed her tea on the nightstand and then grabbed the back of her neck, “There was always a limit to her control.  I had to be reasonably close to her, and she could force me to do and say things, but she couldn’t access my actual thoughts and feelings.  But this time, this time it was more...invasive.  She had access to my memories, my feelings, everything,” she squeezed my hand tightly, “she wasn’t even nearby either.  I could vaguely feel her thoughts too, but her hold on me was much stronger.  She was able to pull up my memories for the day, including the mission and the map I had made of the tunnels.  She sensed how afraid I was of her and was confused by it.  Then she became angry and summoned my weapon; she aimed for Amethyst’s gem.  I tried to stop her, but the best I could do was just barely throw off her strike and,” she covered her mouth for a moment, “I destroyed so many gem’s physical forms in the war, and I’ve destroyed so many Corruption’s forms, but the feeling of driving my spear through Amethyst’s body just,” she shuttered.

I leaned in close and rested my chin on her shoulder, and I felt her bury her face in my hair. “I’m sorry this is happening to you Pearl, I wish I could make this stop.” I sat back up so I could look at her face.

She sighed, “I’m sorry I’ve been such a burden.  I swear it’s not normally this intense with Gem agh!” The pearl on her forehead glowed for a moment, “no, stop! Get out of my head!” Pearl pushed me away and tried to run but she collapsed onto the floor.

I felt my stomach knot; I wasn’t sure what to do.  After a moment from the initial shock, I got off the bed and walked over to Pearl.  Her eyes were open and blank. “P-pearl?” I stuttered.

My hand shook as I placed it on her back, “hey.”  I was scared. I didn’t want to be. I hated being scared, and I tried so hard to just be laid back and confident, but inside, I was always unsure.  I had made so many bad decisions before, but with Pearl I always felt that maybe I really could make things work. That life really could go in my favor.  

Suddenly I was angry. “White Diamond, I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but if you can, get out.  Leave Pearl alone, you aren’t helping her, you aren’t giving her life purpose, you’re only hurting her, so just - just go to hell!”

No response. I picked Pearl up and laid her on the bed. I sat at the foot of the bed and tried to figure out what to do.  Minutes passed.  I was feeling overwhelmingly helpless.  I was about to stand up and start pacing when Pearl’s gem glowed again.

Pearl gasped and sat up. She winced and grabbed her head with both of her hands.

“Pearl? Is it really you?” I hesitated to get closer.

Pearl didn’t respond, she wrapped her arms around herself and started talking quickly, “What does that mean? What am I supposed to do with this?”

“What happened? What’s going on?” I asked.

Pearl looked at me with tears in her eyes, “I could feel her genuine...admiration for me. All the things she did, the conditioning, the punishment, that all _is_ standard in Gem society to try to rehabilitate a gem that is struggling to fit in. And she has used the term ‘my Pearl,’ multiple times, and in front of all the other Gems no less. And I know that sounds insignificant, but you have to understand, the phrase my someone in Gem society is strictly an inferior acknowledging their superior.  Using the phrase in such a novel way, for her that would have been a purposeful show of endearment. Not trying to say I’m superior or even equal of course, but still, important.  Was I just so trapped in my own fear and hatred, and thinking she was evil that I missed all of this? Ugh, am I wrong for how I feel towards her? Is she just misguided by her perspective? Am I just not accepting her for who she is? Am I just being as closed-minded? Am I wrong to fight her?”

“Stop Pearl, don’t let yourself keep thinking that!” I yelled and grabbed her shoulders. My face felt hot, I was blushing from how loud my outburst was.  I lowered my voice and locked eyes with her, “So what, she’s not evil? The dichotomy between good and evil is just a tool used in fairy tales and propaganda.  She still hurt you, and she was still wrong about you. She didn’t try to understand you, or accept you. So what if she thought she was right?  Plenty of atrocities are justified by trying to do what’s right, but that doesn’t make it any less wrong. And that doesn’t make your feelings and pain any less valid. You don’t have to go out for revenge and destruction, but you also don’t have to feel wrong about wanting to distance yourself and hating what you went through. You certainly shouldn’t feel bad about fighting either. It’s still healthy to protect yourself, and defend what you love.”

Her breathing settled but she was still holding herself tightly, “Love, that is supposed to be the ultimate solution isn’t it?  Hatred isn’t going to get her to leave me alone.  I don’t know if understanding will either, but it’s the better option right?”

I sighed and placed a hand on her cheek, “Of course in an ideal universe everything would be love and understanding, but it’s not an ideal universe, sometimes there are things that are just so precious you have to take a stand, and your freedom is one of those things Pearl. Hating her, it’s understandable, but you’re right, it won’t get you closer to a solution.  Just, realize it’s okay to have those feelings.”

She shook her head, “But I don’t like feeling like this. I don’t like getting angry, and sad, and scared, and helpless when I think about White Diamond.  It’s this heavy, crushing weight just dragging me down.”

I smiled, “You don’t like the feeling because you’re a kind and caring gem, and that’s a good thing.”

Pearl kissed my palm, “Thanks.” She sighed, “well, at least I’ll have a break.  White Diamond said she was going to ponder on my feelings for her and her actions before making a decision.”

“What does making a decision mean?”

Pearl shook her head, “I’m not sure.  I just felt she was genuine in her statement that she would leave me alone for a little bit. Which is good, because fighting her control has drained me again and made my headache worse.”

“Is it possible the pain is because she’s damaging you when she tries to take control?”

Pearl leaned back and closed her eyes, “Perhaps.  The link between us, the reason she can take control of me from such a distance and so thoroughly now, it’s because of the residual damage from her direct attack.  It’s created a bridge between our minds, mostly one way.  It would make sense that it would cause additional pain when she uses it to take control.”

“Like a scab she keeps reopening.”

“Exactly.”

I placed a hand on her knee, “So what do you want to do?”

She opened her eyes, “Would it be possible for me to stay here with you and then we go see the other gems together once your business trip is concluded?”

I nodded, “Absolutely. We should let them know the plan to alleviate some of their worry though.”

Pearl closed her eyes again and winced in pain, “Y-yes.  I don’t have my phone charger to recharge my phone and contact them though.”

“That’s okay, I’ll call them from my phone, while I do, how about you lay down and rest?”

She nodded, “Thank you.”

Once Pearl was sleeping soundly, I went outside and called Steven. When he picked up I asked to speak with Amethyst since I didn’t feel comfortable talking about some of the stuff with a kid, even a half-magical alien kid.

“Uh, this is Amethyst, what up?”

“Hey, Pearl is here with me.”

“Oh good, how is she?”  Her voice was more somber than normal.

I sighed and fought back an unexpected wave of sadness, “S-she, um, she’s in pretty rough shape.  I got her out of thinking we were better off if she was gone though.”

“Wait, what?  Hold on,” I heard a door open and shut and then the sounds of the ocean became more audible, “What the hell does that mean?  She wasn’t trying to like...hurt herself right?”

I shook my head and then inwardly laughed since there was no way Amethyst could see the gesture, “No, at least I was able to get through to her before she got to that point.  She was just… so defeated when I first got in contact with her.  She started saying how the planet wasn’t safe and we weren’t safe and wouldn’t be until she was gone so I convinced her to come and be with me.”

There was a heavy sigh, “Glad you did.  Knowing P. she would have kept anxiously running down that train of thought until she concluded she needed to do something about it.”

“Yeah, that was my worry too.” I took the last cigarette from the pack and lit it.

“What is Pearl doing now? Can I talk to her?”

“She’s resting, White Diamond tried to take control of her again.”

“Seriously? She is not gonna let go of Pearl is she?”

I took a long drag from the cigarette and exhaled slowly, “Doesn’t seem like it, that bitch even had the nerve to try to spin her actions like she cares for Pearl and it really messed with Pearl’s head. Supposedly White Diamond is going to leave her alone for a bit though.”

“Screw White Diamond,” Amethyst scoffed, “So when is Pearl coming home?”

“She wants to stay with me this week and then we’ll both head to The Temple after I’m done with work.  I have a bunch of time off saved up too so I’m going to request all of next week off.”

“Wh-” Amethyst paused, “Why does Pearl want to wait?  Is she worried I’m going to be mad at her or something?”

I took another drag, “I don’t think so.  She didn’t give a specific reason for wanting to wait to meet back up with you gems, but it is important to her.  If I had to take a wild guess, I think she’s just worried and overwhelmed, so she needs some space.”

“She’s worried about hurting us again isn’t she?”

I thought for a moment, “I think that is certainly part of it.  There is something else though too, she just hasn’t told me yet.”

“Well, she does usually keep things pretty locked up sometime.  Honestly, one of the ways Rose wasn’t exactly a great influence on Pearl was with keeping secrets and stuff.”

I shifted my weight from one foot to another, “I don’t know about any of that, but I do know Pearl is struggling right now, and if she needs to keep some things to herself as she deals with everything, then so be it.”

Amethyst chuckled, “Head over heels for her aren’t you?”

I blushed, “I, uh, well,” I chuckled, “yeah, yeah I am. It’s both amazing and terrifying.”

“Hey, no overthinking now, just go with the flow.  Even though the waters may be more rapids than anything right now.”

I put out the cigarette, “Thanks.  Oh yeah, have you had a chance to listen to any of the music I gave you?”

Amethyst and I chatted about music for a good hour before I had to hang up and get ready for bed.  Pearl was still out, so I took a shower as quietly as I could, meaning my clumsy ass dropped a bunch of stuff because I was consciously trying to NOT drop things.  I did my best to crawl into bed without disturbing Pearl and turned the light off.  Everything was pitch black as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.  The only things I could hear were faint sounds from a nearby highway, crickets, and the steady breathing as Pearl slept.  The exhaustion of the day swept over me and I quickly drifted to sleep myself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope.

**Pearl**

    It was dark when I woke up.  S. was asleep next to me.  I was feeling restored again after the exhaustion from fighting White Diamond’s control except for a dull ache in my head.  It was worrisome to me that she was obviously damaging the very structure of my gem, so much that it was causing a symptom in my physical body.  I wasn’t sure how many more times I was going to be able to fend her off before the wound was simply too severe.  Fusion with the other gems was certainly out of the question; there was no way I was risking passing any of this damage on to them.

Sheena was stirring in her sleep.  She started mumbling something and twitching.  Her brows were furrowed. She was just making unintelligible sounds at first but then it was clearly, “No,” and “stop.”  She seemed increasingly agitated and had started perspiring.

I turned on the light by the bed, “Sheena? Hey sweetie, wake up.”  I gently placed my hand on her shoulder. She jolted to a sitting position and made a noise that didn’t quite sound human but vaguely resembled a scream which she muffled quickly with her hand.  Her breathing was erratic as she looked around the room confused, as if for a moment she didn’t know where she was.

“Are you okay?” I had retracted my hand since she had jerked away so violently in response.

She looked at me and half of her face turned beet red. S. fumbled for something on the nightstand.  She put on a pair of glasses with black, rectangular frames.  I was not aware she even needed glasses since I had never seen her wear them before. S. didn’t look at me as she said, “S-sorry. Just a nightmare.”

She crossed her arms like she was hugging herself, and bit her lip.  She was still looking away.

“Was it just a nightmare, or...a memory in the form of a nightmare?” I asked, thinking of a conversation we had once had about why she wished she didn’t have to sleep.

She reached down and placed her hand on mine then whispered, “Memory in the form of a nightmare,” she adjusted her glasses, “my ex-boyfriend was...abusive, in more ways than one.  I should have left him much sooner than I did, but… I thought we were in love and that I could help him.  It wasn’t until he put me in the hospital a third time and then got arrested that I came to my senses. My life then was just one bad decision after another,” I felt her start trembling. I squeezed her hand.

She shook her head, “Sorry, not actually ready to talk about this.”

“That’s okay. What do you need?”

“I-I’m not really sure. Usually I just turn on a light and some music, then try to go back to sleep like it didn’t happen.”

“Well, we’ve got the light, so music is next,” I tucked her hair behind her ear and accidentally bumped her glasses which caused them to raise and then land back on her nose askew, “oops, sorry.” We both chuckled and she readjusted them.

“I wasn’t aware your eyesight needed correcting.”

S. took out an MP3 player and connected it her little portable speaker, “I usually wear contacts, but sleeping in those is not a good thing. Oh you may actually like this mix. Mostly soft rock and indie rock, but some classical too.”

Mellow music with a female singer started playing as S. settled back down on her side.  She put one of her arms under the pillow to prop her head up a little.  I mirrored her position so we were eye to eye.

“Four more hours until I have to get up for work, let’s see how much of that I’ll actually be asleep for.”

“For your sake I hope most of it, sleep is important for you humans to function.” I smiled.  She placed on of her hands between us about chest level and I mirrored this gesture as well so we were holding hands.  She smiled and closed her eyes. About fifteen minutes later, her grip on my hand loosened as she fell back to sleep.

***********

The next few days, I would go into the mountain and think while S. was at work, and then spend the evening with her.  I kept thinking about the other Gems.  I was nervous about seeing them again, almost dreading it, but I wasn’t entirely sure why.  I didn’t think Amethyst would be mad at me for stabbing her while White Diamond was in control of me, or that any of them would think less of me.  I was sure they were just concerned and trying to figure out how to help me. I was worried that I would hurt them if White Diamond did decide to take over me, I narrowly avoiding shattering Amethyst as it was, but there was something else, too.  There was just this irrational, under-lining anxiety constantly on the verge of overwhelming me.

The evening before our last day in Keystone S. took me to this tea lounge that had a patio section. They used loose tea leaves and sold their different blends by the ounce if you tried one you really liked. S. told me she had discovered it when she came for a music festival nearby once and it was her favorite place in the area.  

We sat outside and I tried the tea she thought I would like the best.  It was very strong and more complex than the tea I usually made, but I did enjoy it.  I still wasn’t super thrilled with the whole ingesting liquid process, but it was much more tolerable than solid food, and it was nice to share the experience with S.  She was actually fairly passionate about tea, more so than I think most would expect.  She had taught me quite a bit about different types of teas and preparing them, and the tea she made for me for headaches were soothing which did help.

“So,” she took a sip of her tea, “ready to go back home tomorrow?”

“I,” I frowned and looked out towards the mountain, “I suppose so.”

“Are you worried about seeing the other Gems still?”

I sighed, “For some reason yes.  I think...I don’t know.  I’m having a hard time feeling like...me?  Or if I’ve ever really been any more than a Pearl, and I know they don’t see me as a lesser Gem, but I can’t help feel, unequal.  Being around them, especially with everything going on with White Diamond, reminds me of that.  I’ve never actually thought of myself as equal,” I blushed, “Even back in the war, almost every battle, my physical form was either damaged badly enough I had to reform, or Rose or Garnet would have to carry me back to the base because I had over taxed my body and just didn’t even have the strength to walk.  Feeling inferior to them isn’t their fault though, it’s just all in my own head.  I can’t ignore how I feel either though.”

S. thought for a moment then grinned, “Look around,” she gestured to the other patrons on the patio, “outside of you, we’re all just humans, no magic powers, extremely limited regenerative abilities, and very short lifespans.  Yet, each person here has a life so complex we can’t even begin to imagine the full depth of their personalities. That guy on his laptop could be having the worst or best day of his life, he could be writing something that means the entire world to him, or just browsing the internet wasting time. Maybe he’s away from home, maybe he’s married with kids, maybe he’s lonely and defeated, maybe her grew up in a loving home, or maybe he struggled in a broken one.  We just don’t know. That’s the beauty of living though, every single being here is their own unique microcosm, and every interaction is just a small glimpse into that complexity, and no matter who is superior or inferior, we’re all just stumbling around, doing our best to figure ourselves out while trying to build bridges into each other’s worlds.”

I felt a huge smile form on my face as I stared at S. while she spoke.  She blushed when she saw how intently I was looking at her, “I guess that’s pretty sappy, right?”

“I think you’re beautiful.” I replied without really thinking.  Her blush intensified and I felt my own face flush, “I mean, what you said was beautiful, well, I think you’re beautiful too, but exceptionally so because of who you are, and after that particular little glimpse into your mind, and I think your view on society is beautiful, and I’m going to stop rambling now.” I took a huge gulp of tea and broke eye contact.

She laughed and brought my hand to her face and kissed it, “Thank you.  And for the record, I think you’re beautiful too, inside and out.” Her face became even redder, a thing I did not think possible.  She took a drink from her tea as well and then started choking. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” she wheezed and held her nose for a moment, her eyes started to water, “just forgot how to drink for a second there and inhaled my tea. Ugh, tea up the nose is not a great feeling, although not nearly as bad as soda or very hot coffee.”

I put my elbow on the table and brought my hand to my face to lean on, “I take it you forget how to drink often then.”

She winked, “It’s part of the being clumsy package deal, with the bonus of constantly spilling things on my shirt.” We both laughed.

**Steven**

S.texted me that she and Pearl would be back soon.  We had planned a whole welcome back party. My dad, Connie, Amethyst, Garnet, and Peridot were all helping out. Lapis would have helped, too, but she was with the Off Colors helping them with their new home in a series of caverns the ocean had created nearby.  We had banners, balloons, karaoke, a perfectly symmetrical flower arrangement, and Dad even helped me set up a dance floor outside and included the fog machine and lasers typically used on the Sadie and the Suspects sets.

Peridot and Amethyst were working on something, too, as a surprise.  All Amethyst would say about it was that it was to show Pearl there were no hard feelings.  Peridot did her evil snicker and rubbed her hands together after Amethyst had told me that though so I was a little nervous. I was re-adjusting the flowers after Amethyst had moved a few when the Warp Pad activated.

“-you’ll be upside down.” Pearl was mid-sentence.  Both Pearl and S. were in the air and S. was completely upside down.  Pearl pulled S. towards her so Pearl hit the ground first and then they rolled off the Warp Pad and onto the floor, S. on her back and Pearl on top holding S.’s shoulders, “Sheena! Are you injured?”

S. nervously chuckled, “Surprisingly, I’m completely fine.”

Pearl sighed in relief and grinned, “Well, we’ll have to practice warping a bit. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it.”

“You remember how I said I’m very clumsy?”

Pearl laughed as she helped S. to her feet, “I am recalling that at this moment yes.”

I took in a deep breath and yelled as loud as I could, “WELCOME BACK PEARL!” I ran over to her grabbed her by the waist. “Oh hey there Steven, miss me much?” She ruffled my hair, “You didn’t have to do all of this,” she said as she looked at all the decorations.

“We wanted to though,” I smiled up at her.

Connie came over, and stood at attention, “Ahem, I have continued my normal training schedule in your absence ma’am, although it was certainly not the same without you.”

“Oh, Connie, as studious and excellent a pupil as ever.”

    “Thank you, and, um,” Connie looked at her feet and then suddenly hugged Pearl, “welcome back!”

“All right, all right, break it up,” Amethyst said as she walked over with her hands behind her back.  Connie moved so she was standing next to me.

“Oh Amethyst,” Pearl’s eyebrows furrowed and she started wringing her hands, “I-”

“Wait, wait, wait, before you say anything else, I have two words for you,” she paused and then a huge goofy grin came over her face, “Goop hug!” she hugged Pearl and teal goop exploded from her hands all over Pearl’s back.

“Amethyst!?” Pearl shoved the laughing Amethyst away and looked at her back.

Amethyst slapped more goop onto Pearl’s chest, and winked at her, “No hard feelings, think we’re pretty even now,” she crossed her arms, which spread the goop all over herself and stood back to admire her prank.

“What?!” Pearl groaned, “It’s everywhere! Amethyst, this is just, just, so, so, YOU!” she stomped her foot and clenched her fists at her side. 

S. was doing her best to stifle her laughter from behind Pearl. Peridot pointed at them and laughed, “Ha, you clods both just got pranked! Not only did I create the goop as per Amethyst’s specifications, but I added an additional element of prankiness. Right about now the goop will harden and you’ll be trapped. Mwahahaha!”

“What?!” Amethyst and Pearl exclaimed in unison.

The goop turned a darker shade of teal.  Amethyst’s hands were still crossed and now stuck in that position as she started chasing Peridot.

Pearl gasped, “Well, it’s a good thing, I don’t need to breathe to survive,” she struggled to try and break the hardened goop that was now constricted around her torso.

“You guuuuuys,” I whined at Amethyst and Peridot as they ran around the house, “this isn’t how things were supposed to go.  It was supposed to be orderly and make Pearl feel welcomed, not suffocating and full of chaos!”

Garnet said in her normal deadpan, “Chaos is this group’s middle name,” she summoned her gauntlets and ripped the goop off Pearl’s body.

Pearl took a deep breath in, “Oh that’s much better, thank you Garnet.”

Peridot panicked ran past us and then out the door, Amethyst hot on her heels with her hands free after shape-shifting into the Purple Puma broke the goop.

Pearl brushed a few straggling pieces of goop off her, “Before we do anything else, there are a few things we should talk about.”

“White Diamond,” Garnet flicked the last piece of goop of Pearl’s back. Amethyst came to a sudden halt and transformed back into her normal form.

“The residual trace from the Diamond attack lets her overtake my body, even from vast distances.  It’s essentially formed a mostly one-way bridge between our minds. She could recall my memories if she wanted, knew what I was feeling, move my body as if it were her own, and summon my weapon.   The only thing I get from her are these vague impressions of thoughts and feelings. She hasn’t tried in the past few days, but she will again at some point.”

“Why is she so obsessed with you,” Amethyst asked, “Like, we know you’re awesome, but to her, aren’t you just another Pearl?”

“She,” Pearl grabbed her elbow, and mumbled “admires me.”

Amethyst crossed her arms again, “So what, she’s torturing you because she loves you? That’s jacked up.”

“I suppose it’s probably the closest to love she’s ever felt, but not like a romantic interest, or friendship, or even familial love, more just as,” she blushed, “well, more like a pet.”

Amethyst grimaced, “A pet?! Ugh, I don’t know if that makes it less or more disgusting.”

     “It is what it is,” Pearl said, “Fusion is definitely out of the que- arrrgh!” Pearl’s gem suddenly glowed for a moment, “Ugh, no, I won’t let you use me to get to the others you -” Pearl started to collapse, but S. scooped her up and ran her over to the couch.  Pearl grimaced and twitched.

“White Diamond,” S. clenched her teeth and held Pearl’s hand, “she said she was going to make some sort of decision and then come back, from the sound of things, she must have been waiting for Pearl to be around other Gems again.” She placed her other hand on the side of Pearl’s face and Pearl learned into it.

“I. Won’t. Let. You.” Pearl strained.

    “Alright, I’m going in.” I sat down, closed my eyes, and focused all my thoughts on Pearl.  I heard Amethyst and Garnet yell my name, but ignored them.  Everything was black.  I saw a glowing white bridge in the distance and two figures.  I made my way towards them.  It was Pearl and White Diamond.  White Diamond was standing behind Pearl, she was much smaller than her physical form, but still taller than Pearl.  White Diamond had her hands around Pearl’s head, her thumbs pressed into the back of Pearl’s neck, and her other fingers spider-like along the sides of Pearl’s face.  She had Pearl’s head facing up and was looking down on her.  Pearl seemed to be frozen, her hands out near the middle of her torso like she was trying to reach White Diamond’s hands but became paralyzed.  Her eyes were shut tight and her jaw clenched.

White Diamond spoke in a sing-song voice, “Open your eyes Pearl,” she dug her nails into Pearl, “it only hurts because you’re fighting me, just let go, you know you can’t win.”

I started charging White Diamond, when I was a few feet away, she suddenly let go of Pearl, caught me by the shirt, and threw me onto the bridge of light between her and Pearl.

“What have we here? The little telepathic half-breed has made another appearance.” White Diamond smiled.

“Steven! What are you doing here?” Pearl yelled from the ground where she had collapsed.

“I’m not going to sit back and make you face her alone,” I looked back and gave her a thumbs up, “We’re a team after all.”

    White Diamond laugh, “Foolish as you are little one, there is something quite odd about you.  I’ll have to investigate what exactly is in that head of yours.”

I was going to say something back, but when I saw her eyes my whole body went numb and a ringing filled my ears.  I could see White Diamond charging me.  I tried to think or do something, but I was trapped.  Suddenly Pearl stood between us, her arms outstretched, “NO! Leave him alone!” Her gem glowed and suddenly we were encased in a translucent, opalescent, shield with the same pattern as a crystal glass.  White Diamond was pushed back when she made contact with it. I could feel my body again.

    White Diamond hit the shield with her fist, but it remained intact. “Well, well, well, my Pearl. You are seemingly a never-ending fountain of discovery.  To think that you could produce such an ironclad mental barrier that you could repel even me.  I imagine you are now even protected from a direct order.  Pearl, this is a direct order from your Diamond, you are to lower your shield and allow me to enter this human hybrid’s mind.”

Pearl flinched but kept the barrier up and didn’t react any further.

White Diamond laughed, “Absolutely amazing. I have not felt this proud of a gem in a long time Pearl.”

“P-proud?” Pearl moved closer to me.

“Of course, as your superior I can admire and recognize this unexpected strength and tenacity. Remember, life is a balance between seeking perfection and knowing when to tolerate imperfection.  The reason why, is sometimes things that begin as defective grow and polish into perfection, you are still in transition, but you’re getting closer. Perhaps I had miscalculated bringing you back to my side so soon and I was stifling your growth instead of trying to nurture it as I desired.”

I moved in front of Pearl and yelled, “Yeah right! I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but it’s not going to work you, you evil mind-controlling bully!”

White Diamond smirked, “How simplistic. I assure you half-human, there are many things across this universe, but hardly any of them are evil, mad perhaps, but not evil, and I certainly pale in comparison to those things.”

“Oh yeah, then how come you keep trying to destroy the Earth and kill everyone who lives here?”

“I would have thought becoming half-organic would have opened your eyes more.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Tell me, the organic life you refer to as plants and animals on your planet, does it think the human race evil for consuming them in order to survive?  Do you believe yourself to be evil because your superior design allows dominance and mastery over them to fuel your own survival? When you train a creature to serve you are you exercising your ability as a ‘mind-controlling bully’ as you put it?”  

Pearl blushed and stomped her foot, her fists were clenched and shaking at her side, “I am not some wild animal needing to be tamed! And trying to nurture me? You tortured me!”

White Diamond waved her hand, “Of course not, but you are a gem of extraordinary potential without adequate guidance to be useful within our society.  You are so enamored with independence and other things living on Earth has taught you, I have to break you and rebuild you from the foundation up. There is a great crisis facing our species Pearl, and your uncanny ability to adapt is a vital tool in procuring our survival. I _will_ use you to guide our future, you are _mine_.”

    “NO! I belong to no one! Now get out of my head and leave us alone!” Pearl threw her hands out in front her. White Diamond was pushed back.

“Why you impudent-”

“Shut up!” Pearl yelled, “Just go!”

“You got this Pearl! GO!” I placed my hand on her back.  Both of our gems glowed and White Diamond  was blown away along with a portion of the bridge.

    I was back in the physical world. Pearl was sitting up on the couch, stunned with her hand on her forehead.

I jumped up and shouted with glee, floating back to the ground because I was so happy, “Pearl! That was amazing!”

“What happened in there?” Amethyst asked.

S. sat next to Pearl and wrapped her arm around her.

“I… blocked White Diamond. I-” she looked at both of her hands, and then laughed and smiled, “I didn’t even remotely feel the need to follow her order.  I, no, _we_ kicked her out of my head.  I can’t even feel her presence anymore. I- I’m free.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celebration.

**Sheena**

    We had been celebrating all day long now.  Pearl was ecstatic after unlocking her new ability to shield herself from White Diamond and Steven helping her oust the tyrant from her mind. She was happier than I had ever seen her, which of course made me happy.  It was relieving as well to know my girlfriend could no longer be taken over against her will by a being in another galaxy.  There was an odd thought.  I was still getting used to the whole magic alien thing.  I mean, I had seen her use magic multiple times now, hell, my bike was stored in her gem right at this moment, but it was still… weird.

Right after Steven excitedly told us all about fighting White Diamond off, we had played a karaoke game for a while.  Pearl surprised me with her singing voice, and Amethyst caught me staring in admiration.  Pearl tried to convince me to sing too, but I declined.  I enjoyed music, but not singing in public particularly, and I was still overwhelmed by how large her family was.  Everyone was nice and accepted me without question, but I still felt a little out of place.  

When we decided to move outside, Pearl warped me home so I could grab my bathing suit and a change of clothes while the others set up for beach volleyball. I reffed the game rather than play since the last time I played volleyball was high school gym class, and I broke my arm.  I couldn’t help but grin when Pearl changed into her beachwear.  Admittedly, I would not have complained if it had been a little more revealing, but there was something very fitting about her looking like she had just come out of a 1920s beach fashion magazine.

In the evening we were all back to normal clothes and I had to go to the bathroom. I paused when I came out of the bathroom and, not for the first time, stared at the portrait of Rose Quartz, tugging at my hair and thinking, “Well, she certainly does have a type.”

I leaned on the balcony and watched everyone.  Steven was dancing with his friend Connie, Peridot and Garnet were sitting in the sand talking, and Amethyst and Pearl changed the music and then started dancing as well.  It was the first time I saw Pearl uncertain about dancing as Amethyst was trying to show some more...modern moves.  Pearl kept blushing and looked fairly awkward trying to shake her hips with her hands poised like she had no idea what to do with them.   

    Amethyst must have pointed out the hand thing to Pearl because she became more conscious of them and started trying to move them with the beat as well.   Amethyst also grabbed her hips to show her how to gyrate.  Pearl improved quite a bit, which made my face flush.  Pearl was finally starting to relax and get more into the rhythm until Amethyst slapped her ass.  Then she tensed up and started chewing Amethyst out. 

    “Oh, hey there,” Greg greeted as he came up the steps.

“Oh, um, hi,” Greg and I had been introduced and I knew he was the manager for a new band I had seen in Empire City called Sadie Killer and the Suspects, but outside of that we hadn’t talked much.

Greg leaned on the railing next to me, “So how are you holding up?”

“What do you mean?”

“All the Gem stuff, it can get pretty intense, especially when you’re just a human.  All the recent stuff is the most intense I’ve seen since I first met them in my twenties too.”

“Oh,” I hesitated for a moment and then sighed, “it is a little overwhelming. Normal life was complicated enough already ya know?”

He laughed, “Yeah, tell me about it. There is something just so astoundingly beautiful about them the more you know of their past though.”

I grinned, “Yeah, they were all supposed to be so different then who they are, and who their society told them to be.  They were supposed to conquer this planet, and instead they’ve protected it.  Pearl was supposed to never be independent and always serve another Gem, and instead she’s making her own decisions and figuring out her own identity.  Amethyst was supposed to be just another soldier following orders without questions, instead she’s a laid back thrill-seeker enjoying her life fully. And Garnet was never even supposed to exist.  Even as a human, without the magic and mind-control, it’s hard to be something other than what everyone says we should be, but they’ve dared to just be themselves instead. I guess, that’s one of the ways Pearl relate, choosing to be who we want rather than who we are told to be.”

    Greg grinned, “It’s not always easy finding common ground, but once you do, the more you learn, the more you realize you’re the same.”

I laughed, “Well, I guess you are the expert in that matter.”

Greg blushed and rubbed the back of his head, “Well, I don’t know about expert, but I do know, if you even need another human being to talk to, I do qualify.”

“Th-thanks,” I laughed, I realized where Steven got his charisma from, there was something about both of them that just made it feel like it was easy to talk to them, “as selfish as it is, I think the thing bothering me the most right now is,” I blushed and tugged my hair, “is if I’m just a replacement for Rose to Pearl. Uh, which in hindsight I suppose is a super awkward thing to say you.”

Greg laughed, “No worries. Honestly, Rose and I discussed Pearl quite a bit, they did both care and love each other very much.  I admit, you do kind of look like Rose, and I suppose Pearl does seem to have a thing for pink-haired rebels. Buuut I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  Ever since Pearl and I have started getting along we’ve talked about Rose a lot.  I won’t go into detail, since that’s a conversation I think is best you have with her directly, but she made it very clear that she wanted to stop looking back, and if she fell in love again, she wanted to do it right. And let me tell you, I’ve know Pearl for quite a while, when she is determined to do something, it gets done. Oh yeah, fair warning, I lent her a book on relationships. I did tell her that everyone is different so not everything, and maybe not even most of it will apply, but, well, it’s Pearl.”

I laughed, “Oh gee Greg, you probably created a monster.”

“Yeeeah, she may end up overthinking it.”

“ _May_ ,” I instinctively reached for a cigarette and then stopped myself, “this is Pearl we’re talking about.”

Both of us said at the same time, “She’s definitely going to overthink it.”

    “Thanks,” I stretched, “I actually do feel a little more at ease. I’ll talk to Pearl later.  I appreciate how welcoming you all have been, it’s amazing to me that such a large group of strong personalities gets along so well.”

Greg grinned,  “Yeah, we’re a pretty tight-knit family, and we just keep getting bigger and bigger.”

“Well, I’ll try not to f-,” I blushed, hearing Pearl’s voice in my head scolding me about my language, “er, screw it up then.”  

Greg laughed, “I wouldn’t worry about that too much either.”

“Alright, I’m gonna head back down there before Amethyst drives Pearl up the wall,” I started heading towards the steps.

“Sounds good,” Greg opened the door to the house, “I’m going to go grab the hot dogs and start the grill.”

I walked back onto the beach and up to Pearl, who was now talking to Steven.

“Saw Amethyst teaching you some new moves there,” I grinned and playfully bumped her hip with mine, “they were cute.”

I saw that teal blush I just could not get enough of faintly on her cheeks, “I don’t think cute is exactly what they were supposed to be going for.”

I pulled her close and whispered into where I assumed her ear was, “Fine, they were very sexy, especially that last move, but there’s a child present so I said cute instead.”

I was quite pleased with myself as the blush grew and even traveled up the bridge of her nose, “Yes, that seems a little more accurate to the goal.”

Steven’s phone rang, he looked confused at the caller but answered, “Hey Dad, what’s up?” A pause then he replied, “The hot dogs? They’re in the small drawer on the middle shelf like always.” Another pause, “It’s not there and you can’t find them anywhere? Hold on,” he pulled the phone away from his face and yelled, “Amethyst! You didn’t eat the hot dogs did you?”

Amethyst laughed, “Dude of course I ate the hot dogs, oh, wait, were they for this?”

“Ugh, Amethyst!” Steven whined, then he brought the phone back to his ear, “You’re not going to find them Dad, Amethyst ate them.”  

 Steven hung up his phone.

Amethyst came over, “Sorry dude, you know I love hot dogs.  Didn’t realize you had a plan for them.”

Steven sighed, “It’s okay, I should have told you they were off limits.  We could order pizza?”

    Pearl wrapped her arm around me and hooked one of her fingers on the belt loops of the jeans I had changed into, “How about we all go into to town and eat there?  We can come back after.  It might be nice to walk around the city a little.”

Steven’s face lit up with excitement, “Sure! Oh, do you like pizza Sheena?”

It was a little weird hearing my full name, but it didn’t bother me as much as when someone at work used it.  Of course, at work everyone felt it necessary to say Sheena the Punk Rocker in a mocking way. I smiled, “Of course, who doesn’t love pizza?”

Amethyst sneered, “Uh, well your girlfriend for one.”

Pearl placed her free hand on her hip, “The flavor is fine, it’s just the process of mastication,” she shuddered, “but I’m happy to just be there with all of you,” she smiled.

I gave her a squeeze and we all walked to a place called Fish Stew Pizza once Greg came back to the beach.

It was almost surreal to be at a restaurant with all of them.  There was something about Steven’s infectious optimism that just made everyone friendlier.  I was surprised when one of the owner’s family members came up to Pearl.  Her name was Kiki and she asked Pearl if there was anyway she could fix an old wrist watch she had recently rediscovered.  Pearl happily accepted and told her it should be fix in a few days.  She stored the item in her gem and leaned against me as I finished my last piece of pizza.  I found myself again impressed by her flexibility and knowledge.  I suppose when you live thousands of years it’s only natural to pick up a lot of skills though.

After the meal we walked into the most perfect evening weather.  I grabbed Pearl’s hand, “Hey, this is ideal riding weather and there’s a little secret place of mine nearby I’d love to share with you.  It will only take a couple hours, and I think you’ll really like this place.”

Pearl smiled, “Let me just check with Steven, he has planned this whole welcome back party for me after all.”  

Steven was hesitant but once we promised we would be back for more dancing after sunset it was a greenlight.

    Pearl materialized my bike onto the road from her gem. I opened up the compartment and put my gloves and helmet on.  I looked at Pearl, “I do have an extra helmet, but I don’t know if it will fit.  I suppose you don’t have to worry about brain damage like humans, but might be useful to protect this,” I reached out and rubbed my thumb along her smooth, oval pearl seated in her forehead.  All of the gems blushed vehemently when I did this, even Amethyst, and it suddenly occurred to me that since their gems where the core of their existence, physical contact like that was probably fairly intimate.

    I turned away to hide my own face turning red and slapped my spare helmet on to Pearl’s head.  It was much too large though and the only thing that kept it on her face was her nose.  Everyone got a good chuckle out of this. Pearl flicked the helmet up so it didn’t cover her eyes anymore, “Um, I don’t think this is going to do much except provide comedic relief.”

I chuckled and put the helmet back into my motorcycle’s compartment, “Well, typically I don’t allow anyone without a helmet to ride with me but,” I reached out for her hand, “I’ll make a magical alien exception for you.”

    I mounted the bike and Pearl mimicked me, “What do I need to do,” she asked.

“Okay, so hold on to me,” Pearl wrapped her arms around me and nestled her chin on my shoulder, “good, outside of that, just keep with the momentum, so if I lean left or right, lean left or right with me.”

“Got it,” Pearl affirmed and gave me a squeeze.  

I turned the ignition and my bike came roaring to life.

    It was only a twenty minute ride to the parking spaces near the middle of the mountain I had in mind, then another fifteen minute hike.  Before we turned the corner to the little slice of paradise I wanted to share I turned to Pearl and took both of her hands in mine, “Alright, we’re here finally, you ready?”

She grinned and nodded, “should I cover my eyes or something?”

“If you want, but, I think it will take your breath away regardless, even though you don’t actually need to breathe.”

     I yanked her to my little Beach City mountain hideaway.  It was the perfect time of year.   There was a weak but steady waterfall that crashed into a medium sized pool.  The water was surrounded by moss and ivy covered boulders, and then framed with willow trees.  At this time of year, there was also an array of wildflowers, and the flashing lights of fireflies. I looked back at Pearl, her eyes wide with wonderment, “This planet,” she mused, “always full of surprises.  I’ve lived in this area for thousands of years, and I never knew there was this much beauty this close to home.”

    I sat down in the grass and she followed suit, “Like it then?”

“I love it,” she smiled, “it’s the perfect getaway.”

I pulled her close and kissed her on the lips.  She kissed me back.  I leaned into her and soon she was on her back on the ground.  I thought about frenching her, but I was worried.  She told me her and Rose were briefly a little more serious during that short period in the war between Pink Diamond’s shattering and the final attack, but they had only held hands and kissed. After the war there was a time they had been perma-fused for a few years, but it didn’t work out. I didn’t pry into specifics like, “did you kiss with tongue” though, and now I found myself nervous about her reaction.

    Would she find it disgusting?  She was a little particular when it came to cleanliness, and sensitive about sensations in her mouth.  Also, we had been getting to know each other the past handful of months, but I had yet to take her on a proper date since we officially started dating. I decided to add overthinking to the list of things we have in common and went for it. Pearl let out a little surprised moan but opened her mouth more and then moved one of her hands into my hair, resting it on the back of my head.

    We kissed like that for for a few minutes, Pearl had definitely done this before. I felt the blood rush to my face and heat build up in my chest. I pulled away and took in a deep breath. I opened my eyes and saw Pearl with a look on her face I’d never seen before.  Sultry would be the best description. I leaned in to plant a kiss on her cheek and promptly poked my own eye on her nose.

    “Shit, ow,” I laid on my back next to her and put my hand up to my eye laughing, “well that was smooth.”

“Oh, are you okay,” Pearl asked, her hand went to her nose, “sorry, I know this thing is kind of ridiculous.”

“Hey, your nose is perfectly fine,” I blinked a few times as that eye teared up and then successfully planted a kiss on her cheek by tilting my face, “see?”

She scooted closer to me and held my hand as we both looked up at the stars that had just become visible.

    “For the record,” I leaned my head against hers, “I did not just bring you up to french you, I really did just want to share this place with you.  The frenching just happened naturally.”

“Is that what they call that style of kissing? Why? Isn’t that a cooking technique where the bones of an animal are exposed?”

“I don’t think it’s in reference to that,’ I laughed, “I actually don’t really know.  May just be one of those things that people slapped the word french in front of it to try to make it sound more exotic?”

There was a pause where we were both silent, then Pearl asked, “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, we can talk about it later,” I fidgeted a little.

She sat up a little, her brows were furrowed, “What is it? I’m just going to be worrying about it now.”

I tugged at my hair, “It’s just…” I sighed, “Would you still like me if my hair wasn’t pink?”

“What? Of course, why would I -oh.  Oh sweetie,” she turned on her side and leaned over me a little, “You are not a replacement for Rose. I suppose you do bear a resemblance, but your personality is very different, and our relationship is nothing alike.”

“It’s just,” I bit the side of my lip, “I’m not magic, or practically immortal.  I haven’t spent thousands of years with you or rebelled against your home planet. I’m just, a human.”

“You don’t need to be magic, you just need to be yourself.  And duration of time does not equal intimacy.   As for the war, honestly I think that hurt what little relationship Rose and I had, not helped it.  Rose and I had thousands of years to make things work, and we never did. I think it’s safe to say that it simply was never going to work.  I was still too stuck in Homeworld’s mentally, defining myself in another Gem instead of coming into my own, even though I knew that pained her.  And she just simply didn’t have the same feelings.  I held on much longer than I should have because I convinced myself  Rose just wasn’t capable of being that devoted to one person or Gem.  That it would always be this vague, undefined off and on. It was really just that we weren’t as close as I had convinced myself.”

    I hesitated to ask my next question, my chest and stomach tightening, “W-would you still have pursued me if we met and Rose was still alive?”

Pearl paused and laid back onto her back, “I honestly don’t know Sheena.  I, well, I didn’t really think highly of humans until Steven came along.  I suppose it was some bias in me against organic life, and because, well, I took a twisted sort of comfort thinking that even though I was the lowest Gem, at least I wasn’t the lowest life form.  Steven has made me question this mindset though, and as I interact with more humans, the sillier my misconceptions seem.  I know I’m not perfect, but my interest in you is genuine, and I hope what I’ve said doesn’t change your interest in me.”

I cupped her face with my hand, “It has.”

Her eyebrows knotted with worry.

I leaned in kissed her cheek again, “It’s made it stronger.  Thank you for opening up to me Pearl.”

She kissed me on the lips, “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to.”

    I decided to lighten the mood again and ran my hand through her hair, “So on a scale of one to ten, ten being the most awkward thing in the universe, and one being mildly embarrassing, how would you rate me thumbing your gem in front of everyone without really thinking that may be a kind of intimate act?”

Pearl burst out with this unbridled laughter since I had caught her so off guard, “Probably a seven.”

I nodded, “That’s pretty high up there, I admit, from the reaction I expected a little higher though.”

Pearl shrugged, “Well, it’s not like our gems are extremely sensitive to touch, but it is the only truly physical aspect of our bodies, so it’s still precious.  Touching another’s Gem is a something that should only be done when there is complete trust between them.  It can be a reassuring gesture from a friend, or a show of passion from a lover.  So it’s not completely indecent to do in front of other Gems, it’s just not as common.”

 “I will keep that in mind,” I turned my head to look at her.

    She bit her lip and moved my hand up to her gem, gently placing the center of it into my palm.  It was so perfectly smooth and cool to the touch.  There was this kinda ethereal feeling of energy radiating from it, like a slight vibration of a powerful life force. I leaned over her and started kissing her again, caressing her oval pearl with my fingertips. Pearl shivered and slipped her tongue into my mouth.  Things were getting...a little more heated than I think either of us had planned when suddenly Pearl’s phone rang.

I pulled back and moved my hand away from her gem, “That’s probably Steven wondering when we’re heading back.”

Pearl cleared her throat and retrieved her phone where she had wrapped it in her sash around her waist, “Sure enough,” she picked up and put it on speaker phone, “hello Steven.”

“Hey Steven,” I added.

He excitedly skipped the greeting and launched into what was on his mind, “When are you two going to be back, you promised you’d still dance with us.  The Off Colors and Lapis are here now too, so we can all be together!”

  “Ah, yes, we certainly did promise we would return for dancing,” Pearl said and glanced at me.

I leaned in and kissed her neck, whispering so Steven couldn’t hear, “We can head back if you want.  We can always return here another day.”

Pearl nodded, “We’ll be back soon Steven.”

“How soon is soon?” He asked.

I spoke so I was audible to him again, “We’re just about to head out, so give us about half an hour bud.”

“Okay sounds good!” Steven chirped, “See you two soon, bye!”

**/**

    As we approached the spot on the beach we saw they had started a small bonfire.  Greg was sitting in his van keeping the music going.  Fluorite was right on the outside of the makeshift dance floor slowly bobbing her head to the beat, Lapis and Peridot were talking near the fire, Peridot as animated as usual and Lapis actually smiling, and everyone else was dancing.  Rhodonite was with Garnet trying to learn her movements, the Rutile twins were with Connie trying to mimic her, Amethyst and Steven were happily thrashing about, and Padparadscha was moseying around on her own, occasionally nearly or actually bumping into someone.

    Steven called our names and beckoned us to the dance floor.  I was still uneasy with dancing, but with Pearl I didn’t feel so bad.  We all danced and chatted by the fire for hours.  Lapis and Peri were the first to leave, heading back to their barn.  Then the Off Colors returned to their new home.  Steven and Connie both yawned, and Steven announced it was now time for the slumber party element for the day.

    Steven had moved the table out of the living room and then lined the floor with his mattress, the couch cushions, and all of the extra pillows, so it formed a massive patchwork sleeping square.  There were various smaller pillows and blankets off to the side.  I hadn’t actually expected to spend the night, but I decided to stay.  I took off my socks and boots as the kids took turns using the bathroom to get ready for bed.  Steven joined his dad on his mattress and Connie laid on the larger pillows next to Steven’s bed.  Pearl gave me my glasses and contacts case that she had offered to store in her gem earlier in case I got sand in my eye or something.  

    After I had washed my face, taken my jewelry off and switched to glasses a thought occurred to me and I poked my head out, “Hey Pearl.”

She came over, “Yes?”

“There wouldn’t happen to be a spare toothbrush anywhere would there?”

“Oh actually,” she pulled a toothbrush, still in the package, from her gem, “here.”

I wondered why exactly she had a toothbrush stored in her gem, but I was also just happy, “Thank goodness, I hate going to bed without brushing my teeth.” I took the toothbrush from the packaging, wet it, put a dab of toothpaste from the tube on the sink, and began furiously cleaning my teeth.

Pearl leaned against the door frame, “Good to know dental hygiene is important to you.”

    “Oh it is, especially since I have someone to kiss,” I winked at her.

She grinned and said quietly, “and especially when you want to keep frenching that someone.”

I smiled too wide and accidentally drooled toothpaste on myself, “well, at least I’m wearing a white shirt so it won’t stain.”

Pearl stifled a giggle with her hand, “Would it help if I stopped distracting you?”

“It would,” I wiped the stain on my shirt with the hand not holding the toothbrush, “but I also wouldn’t complain if you kept going.”

    She placed her hand on my arm and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’ll go claim us a spot to sleep.”

I nodded and focused on finishing my night routine.

When I was done, Steven, Connie, and Greg were all out cold.  Amethyst had transformed into a cat and was snuggled up with Lion and Cat Steven.  Garnet was face first into a pillow, half on a large pillow and half on one of the couch cushions. Pearl was laying on her side on the rest of the couch cushions.  I grabbed a blanket and pillow and slid behind Pearl, spooning her and draping the blanket over both of us.

    “Oh, the light,” she whispered.

I looked at the wall where the switch was very much out of reach.

Pearl summoned a small pebble from her gem, “If anyone asks, I will deny this vehemently.”

“There is no way you’re hitting that light switch from here with that.”

With a quick toss, Pearl actually pulled it off and we were in darkness.

“Well then, I stand, er, lay, corrected,” I jested as I took off my glasses and put them on the floor nearby.

“I’m a Gem of many talents,” Pearl said and snuggled into me.

    I wrapped my arm around her and buried my face in her hair.  I let out a long happy sigh.  I don’t think I had ever felt that content and serene in my life as a I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a short, warm and fuzzy chapter where nothing bad happened and everyone just got to enjoy their day and do a bunch of normal, mundane things. The chapter ended up waaaaay longer than expected, but I hope you enjoyed.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Testing, testing, one, two - oh.

**Steven**

When I woke up Amethyst and Garnet were nowhere in sight and Pearl was in the kitchen with Sheena making breakfast while Connie was sitting on one of the stools, quietly chatting with them. Dad was still asleep and snoring.  I stretched and yawned. A brief shiver traveled up from my legs as my feet hit the cold wood floors. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I walked over to sit in the stool next to Connie, “Smells good.”

Pearl looked over at me as she plated a perfect looking omelette and handed it to Connie, “Oh good morning Steven, did you get enough rest? And would you like your usual omelette or something different?”

I nodded and grinned, “It was really nice to have all of us together. The usual please.”

Sheena started chopping the veggies Pearl handed her for my omelette, “The party and sleepover was a great idea kiddo. I can honestly say that was the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had.”

I beamed, “Really? Glad you had fun!” I wasn’t entirely sure why, but there was something about Sheena that made me really want to make a good impression. Maybe because she made Pearl happy so I wanted her to like me too? I couldn’t help but sit up straight and puff my chest out a little at the compliment.

Pearl smiled and said in what Amethyst liked to call her mom voice, “Your welcome home party was very thoughtful Steven, I greatly appreciated it.”

Sheena cut a few more veggies and with a smirk watched as Pearl produced another perfect omelette and handed it to me with the ketchup bottle, “Okay, so you hate eating food, but you are very good at making it?”

Pearl poured beaten eggs in the pan for Sheena’s omelett, “Of course, it’s chemistry and precision, although I have to admit, I do prefer baking. Especially making pies, very specific ratios, and rolling out pie crust is always relaxing.”       

Sheena chuckled, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Dad had to go open the car wash after breakfast.  Sheena and Pearl cleaned the dishes and kitchen while Connie and I reassembled the living room.  We sat back down at the stools just as they were finishing the kitchen.

“So,” Pearl fidgeted as she placed the last dish away, “there’s something I need to do, but it’s...risky.”

Sheena stopped abruptly and looked Pearl in the eyes, “That sounds ominous.”

“What do you need to do?” I asked as my brows furrowed.

“I,” Pearl looked at the ground, “I haven’t gotten stuck in my head since White Diamond took over me, and I wonder if maybe I won’t anymore with this mental barrier I have now.  I need to know for sure though.”

Sheena crossed her arms, “I suppose it would be reassuring, but I don’t really know how you would test that.”

Pearl swallowed, “I want to project and watch the moment White Diamond attacked me on her ship.”

“What!” I jumped to my feet, “but, but Pearl! If it’s the same as Centi drawing the attack on Earth that caused corruption it will reset the damage!” A pain stabbed inside my chest as I thought about Pearl sitting on the couch with blank eyes, and how I wasn’t able to heal Centi again after she reverted.

“Not if the barrier protects me,” Pearl smiled.  I could tell by her knotted eyebrows she was faking the confidence.

“Wait, just so I’m sure what this means,” Sheena bit her lip, “You want to essentially relive when White Diamond assaulted you into a catatonic state and the result will either be your new shield will protect you, or all the progress you’ve made since you’ve come home will be lost.”

“Uh,” Pearl nervously wrung her hands, “well, yes, essentially.”

Sheena’s voice was sharp with anger, “Why?”

“I,” Pearl blushed, “I need to know. There are still Corruptions out there, The Diamonds will at some point come here for The Cluster. White Diamond will still try and reclaim me. It may not be until years down the line, since in the span of thousands of year of life that would still be a quick reaction, but it could also be as soon a few months, weeks, or even tomorrow. I don’t want to test if I’m still damaged on the battlefield where me freezing could end up with one of the others poofed or worse, or injury to one of you,” she gestured to the three of us, “I need to know my limits. I need to know if I’m still useful in a fight or if I’m,” she trailed off.

Sheena rubbed her temples, “What about your own well being?”

I nodded, “Yeah, you’re always thinking you’re secondary. I get that freezing in a fight would be bad, but we can protect ourselves, and each other, and you. I don’t want you stuck again. It was horrible Pearl, it was like you were still taken from us but here.”

Pearl thought for a moment then sighed, “I suppose it’s true I can rely on all of you to protect me, but I don’t want to have to. I fought a war to earn my freedom, it’s just a point of pride for me that I can stand up for myself I suppose, but it’s very important. I-I can’t go back to feeling my individuality is an illusion. I need to know my freedom is still mine.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I couldn’t help but picture her stiff and alert at White Diamond’s side like in the almost erased memory she projected.  How awful it must have been to always just be there and never seen.

Sheena exhaled loudly, “Ultimately Pearl, this is your decision, and I will support you either way. I think the risk is too high, even if you freeze in a fight, we know we can snap you out of it fairly easy now, but if the damage gets reset, you could get trapped for good. I can understand why you want to do this as well though.  Just promise me you’ll put more value on your life in the future.”

Connie mumbled from next to me, “Pearl isn’t exactly good at that.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “Pearl does have a long history of throwing herself into danger when she gets too focused on a task or person.” I remembered the little glimpse of Pearl during the war Garnet had given me and the early days of Connie’s sword training.

Pearl’s entire face flushed, “I-it’s a work in progress. I’ve been -well - I was going to say getting better with that but I suppose after meeting with White Diamond I’ve been off the rails again.  I swear wanting to test my barrier isn’t just a self-sacrifice thing though, there is a logical element, and me being selfish by wanting to prove my own freedom to myself.”

Sheena took off her glasses, rubbed her nose, then put them back on, “That is not reassuring at all.  You really think this risk is worth it?”

Pearl looked at the ground and frowned, then locked eyes with Sheena, “Yes, my freedom is one of the most precious things I have.  Freezing, being trapped in my head and vulnerable to White Diamond in that state, will take that freedom away from me. I need to know, for myself, in a safer environment with a controlled test, how much that it’s a threat.”

Tears came to my eyes thinking of Pearl on Homeworld again. My stomach knotted when I asked my next question, “How long were you under a Diamond’s rule?”

Pearl looked at me and paused, then sighed, “Longer than I’ve been a free Gem.”

A free Gem.  Pearl had always avoiding talking about her life on Homeworld.  Even after Peridot had taught me the role pearls played, she was always careful to avoid words that implicated her status as a slave.  The few things I got out of her, she always was very particular about using the word servant, even though I could tell she knew that was a lie from a slight twitch in her mouth.  Servants still had some autonomy. Maybe she thought she was sparing me from some pain, or worried I would look down on her, or she was just uncomfortable thinking of herself like that any time she said servant, I was never sure.  She was very cloistered about her past in that way. So for her to explicitly use the term free Gem and acknowledge that at one point, she was owned, was like a physical blow to me.

Connie broke the silence, “So,  that’s why it’s so important to you to maintain certainty about being free? Because you haven’t had it long considering your lifespan?  Steven said you like to compartmentalize things too, I imagine worrying you’re going to shut down again, especially in a situation that could lead to your capture would feel like you can’t actually separate now from back then.”

Pearl nodded, “That is a good way to put it.”

Sheena walked over and cradled Pearl’s face in her hand, “I still don’t like this, but, I’m here for you.  Let’s just make sure you live long enough so more of your life is free than enslaved.”

Pearl smiled, “That’s a goal I can certainly go for.  Although it’s several thousand years of work and time.”

I grinned, “Perfect! You love work!”

“And dedication!” Connie added.

**Sheena**

I didn’t like this.  At all. I understood the logic of it, I really did.  It was true that in the middle of a fight with White Diamond trying to kidnap her again would be the worst time to test the lingering physical damage.  I certainly couldn’t judge Pearl either. I took tons of risks back when I was newly single and looking to redefine myself. Some of my brash decisions paid off, like enrolling in college.  Others didn’t, like almost getting arrested after getting in a bar fight I could have easily avoided. 

I hoped this would be a good brash decision for Pearl.  There was no talking her out of it. I knew her well enough that even if we disapproved she would just go off on her own and do it anyway. Actually, the fact she even told us about her plan rather than just doing it was progress for her. At least this way she wouldn’t be alone.  It was better to test the damage here, with us to support her and nothing trying to destroy or take her.

But I still didn’t like it.  It was frustrating and made me fearful.  What if I lost her? I wanted to be this pillar of support for her though, I really did.  But my feelings for her were so intense, maybe too intense. I internally chided myself for letting my attachment to her already build this strong, I was going to scare her off if I kept this up.  I was also a little angry at her though. That she would throw herself in harm’s way like this, even if it was a sound, logical reason. Throwing herself in harm’s way for a sound, logical reason was how she ended up in White Diamond’s clutches in the first place though.

I bottled all of this up as we moved to the living room where it was more open for the projection.  “What do you need us to do,” I asked.

“Just be here, if I go catatonic try to bring me out of it and see how difficult that is to do.”

“I’ll try to heal you if we can’t get a response too,” Steven walked over to Pearl and grabbed her hand , “although it didn’t effect Centi the second time,” he got quiet and Pearl gave his hand a squeeze.

“Is this going to be dangerous for Steven to watch?  It won’t trap him too?” Connie fidgeted.

Pearl shook her head, “Steven will be fine.  Just like with the corrupted Nephrite -er, Centi - drawing and recounting when she was attacked.  It recorrupted her because she had actually experienced corruption and been there, but Garnet and I were able to look at it without issue, well, a little mental distress from remembering that day, but nothing close to corruption since Rose had protected us with her shield.  I’ll be the only one this can effect.”

I walked to Pearl’s other side and grabbed her hand as well, “Well, let’s get this over with.” My heart was pounding and I trembled slightly.

Pearl squeezed my hand and nodded, “Right.”

I held my breath as her gem glowed and her projection started.  Pearl’s hands were hovering over a computer console. She rapidly pushed several buttons and the power dimmed.  She turned around and I couldn’t help but flinch at White Diamond’s facial expression. Her brows were knotted with rage and her mouth pulled upwards in a toothy snarl.  There was this wild malice in her eyes I recognized too well. White Diamond held her hand out, stiff and palm open. Her entire body glowed as a symbol of a diamond formed from the center of her hand, It was small at first , but then it grew larger and larger until it was all we could see.

Pearl’s projection cut out.  I gasped for a breath since I had nervously forgotten to inhale.  I could feel Pearl shaking. She gasped and let go of Steven’s hand to grab her head, her eyes shut tight.

“Pearl?” Steven grabbed the bottom of her shirt where it flared away from her slim waist, “Are you okay?”

Pearl hissed, “Head hurts, room spinning, but still here.”

I felt my heart pounding again, a headache like when White Diamond took over her didn’t seem to be a good thing. I wrapped my arm around her and supported her weight, “Let’s get you to the couch,” as we sat down I added, “you still feel cut off from White Diamond right?”

“Y-yes,” Pearl leaned against me, “the headache is from opening the wound myself this time.”

Steven kissed Pearl on the cheek.  It sparkled briefly, “Better?”

Pearl opened her eyes, “Yes, not all the way, I suppose there is so much healing that can be achieved after damage from a Diamond, but,” she smiled weakly, “at least now I know I don’t have to worry about being trapped in my own head.”

Steven beamed, “Yeah! You really are completely free now! White Diamond can’t give you orders, control your mind, take over your body, and you won’t freeze up.”

I felt tears fall down my face, despite trying my best to hold them in, “So let’s never project that memory and re-open the wound again right? Just let it heal on its own as much as it can.”

Pearl was smiling when she turned to look at me, but frowned when she saw the tears.  I took my glasses off to hastily wipe them away. Pearl leaned in and kissed me, “Sorry I worried you.  I promise, I will absolutely not take another risk with this, and I will certainly never project that memory. There’s no reason for it.”

I nodded and pulled myself together, then put my glasses back on and forced a grin, “Gonna hold you to that promise.”

**Peridot**

Lapis and I had fun at the ‘welcome back’ party for Pearl.  I didn’t quite understand the ritual, since there was a looming threat of destruction over all of us, but I had to admit that it was pleasurable.  It also helped me pinpoint my odd feelings towards Lapis. I was...enamored with her. I certainly didn’t want to perma-fuse with her like Garnet, or fuse at all with anyone for that matter.  I liked being myself, and just myself.

I enjoyed sharing my time with Lapis though.  Particularly when we were just sitting around doing nothing.  Which was odd because I hardly ever enjoyed doing nothing. It was part of being a forehead mounted Gem, we constantly sought some sort of order and mental stimulation.  The Pearl, no just Pearl, was similar with that. It was one of the reasons I thoroughly enjoyed working with her and sharing a friendship.

How I felt about Lapis was different than Pearl, or any of the others. I pondered if perhaps these were romantic feelings? I wasn’t sure what to do or what it really meant.  I knew Lapis never wanted to fuse again after the whole Malachite debacle, so we agreed there. But then, what would our relationship be? If Lapis even felt the same, and if she didn’t run away again. 

I created a plan. I had worked on T.A.S.E on my own, but was at the point I required assistance.  I gathered up the bot and hovered my tool box next to my head, then headed towards the Warp Pad, “Lapis!” I yelled so she could hear me from the truck, “I’m going to work with Pearl on T.A.S.E. Do you want to accompany me?”

I didn’t actually want her to come with me because I wanted to talk to Pearl about her relationship with the human, since fusion was also not an option there, but I felt bad about not at least inviting Lapis.  Thankfully Lapis replied, “I’m good, have fun nerding out with Pearl.”

“I will, thank you!”  I yelled, mostly from excitement, and finished running to the Warp Pad.

Steven’s ‘living room’ appeared before me.  Pearl and the human were sitting on the couch in a conversation so intense they didn’t notice my presence. I cleared my throat and announced, “Excellent, Pearl, just the Gem I was looking for,” so I wouldn’t be ‘rude’ by ‘eavesdropping’. The human stood up and started walking out the door.

“Sheena wait -” Pearl stood up, but the human cut her off.

“Not now. I’m too...just give me some time alone.  We’ll talk more later.”

Pearl sighed and we were alone.

I could sense something emotional had just taken place, but I was uncertain how to proceed.  Steven often encouraged me to express my own emotions, but I had observed that Pearl swung unpredictably between letting her emotions spill out and bottling them up so tight it almost seemed to physically hurt her.

“I, uh, require your assistance with the repair and reprogramming of this bot.  If you are available of course,” I waited for her reply on the Warp Pad.

“Oh right, you mentioned that yesterday.  T.A.S.E I think you called it. Well, with Garnet and Amethyst making security sweeps, Steven and Connie out playing and,” she looked at the door and frowned for a moment, “I do seem to suddenly have time on my hands.”

“Excellent,” I stepped off the Warp Pad and laid T.A.S.E. down.  Pearl sat on the floor next to me, folding her legs underneath her.  I explained my vision, the steps I had already taken, and what I needed input with.  I placed my tools down and brought out the parts I had. Pearl brought out tools and a few parts from her gem to contribute.

After we had been working for a while I gathered up courage to start The Conversation. “So, what are your intentions with that human, Sheena?”

Pearl paused what she was doing and raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“Well, together, what is your desired outcome?  You two certainly can’t fuse, so what is the point?  What goals are you two working towards?” 

Pearl kept working and blushed, “Oh, uh, fusion isn’t the only goal for a romantic relationship, or even necessary for a successful relationship.”

“It’s not?” I couldn’t help but smile.

“Of course, fusion can be a romantic element of a Gem relationship, but not the only one.  Inversely, fusion isn’t always romantic either. Of the current Crystal Gems, the only romantic fusion is Garnet.  Well, perhaps Stevonnie too, but Steven and Connie are too young to know for sure...I think. As for goals Sheena and I have, I suppose we don’t really right now.  We’re too early in our relationship.”

“Wait,” I stopped working, “you mean, you two entered into a relationship without a clear goal? Why?”

“Um, relationships aren’t a cut and dry thing like a mission or building project.  We just found ourselves attracted to each other and want to see where it goes.”

“See where it goes? What does that mean?”

Pearl stumbled over her words, “I mean - I’m hardly an expert - but if things work then there are a lot of possibilities depending on what we decide we want together.  For humans, the typical outcomes are living together, marriage, maybe even starting a family. For Gems, it’s all pretty new. The only relationships I’ve seen are perma-fusions like Garnet, separate and more human-like relationships like a few rebels back in the war, and Rose giving up her form to have Steven with Greg.” 

My interest peaked at her middle Gem example, “There were Gems that were together but not always fused?”

Pearl nodded, “They would fuse sometimes, especially in battle to protect each other, but mostly the preferred being separate.  They liked maintaining their own identities and enjoying each other’s company. Wait,” Pearl looked at me with a mischievous grin spreading over her face, “why the sudden interest in relationships? Is there someone you want to ask out?”

“Wh-what? Yes! No! Maybe! I think I like Lapis but I don’t want to fuse and I’m scared she’ll run away again and I don’t know if she feels the same and I don’t want to ruin things as they are now but I also want to be closer and I don’t know how that would work and I’m frustrated to be at such an impasse,” I blurted out without pausing.

Pearl chuckled, “Certainly sounds like a crush to me.”

Amethyst surprised both of us by hooting from the front door, “OOOOOOO, Peri and Lapis sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G-”

Garnet placed her hand on Amethyst’s shoulder, “Hey, don’t make fun. I think it’s wonderful,” she gave me a thumbs up.

Amethyst snorted, “Of course you approve Garnet, you’re a sappy romantic.”

“And proud of it,” Garnet crossed her arms and grinned, “So, are you going to tell Lapis how you feel?”

I suddenly felt like I was even smaller than usual with everyone’s eyes on me waiting for a reply.  The answer was I didn’t know, but I think I wanted to. Thinking of saying this out loud made me feel what Steven described as ‘ill’.  I decided to change the subject, “How long were you eavesdropping, you know that’s rude right?! And why are you coming in through the door instead of the Warp?”

Amethyst rolled her eyes, “Chill Peri, we just walked in, and we did a sweep of Beach City so we warped in on the hand and jumped to the top of the Lighthouse.  So back to Garnet’s quest-”

Pearl graciously cut Amethyst off before the topic was brought back to me, “Did you two see any signs of the Diamonds or causes for concern?”

Amethyst glared at Pearl but relented and flopped onto the coffee table.

Garnet sat down on the floor across from Pearl and myself, “We’re all clear. It will be more reassuring once you two get this bot up and running.”

“How long is it going to take you wonder nerds to get this done anyway?” Amethyst started idly playing with a lock of her hair.

“Hard to say,” Pearl replied with a frown, “this bot is obviously very old and was never maintained. Plus, we don’t exactly have the normal tools and parts.  We’ll manage though. At least if something does happen I know I can contribute and protect myself.”

It was hard to tell with the glasses Garnet wore, but the movement of her face almost looked like she had raised an eyebrow, “Of course you can Pearl, we never doubted that.”

Pearl grabbed the back of her neck, “Well, I did.  I,” she locked away from us and added, “I was worried I might get trapped in my mind again so I projected the memory of White Diamond’s direct attack and I was perfectly fine after.  Except I have a head-”

“You did what?!” The fusion jumped to her feet and clenched her fists.

“What the hell P., why didn’t you talk to us about this first? What if you had gone all holo-Pearl on us again?”

“That was a possibility, but it was worth the risk.”

Garnet surprised all of us and stomped over to Pearl, easily lifting her to her feet by her shirt, “How can you say that? How can you keep throwing yourself in harm’s way like you mean nothing to us?  I have enough on my plate without having to worry about you since you seem to be lacking in any sense of self-preservation!” 

Electricity suddenly shot from Garnet’s hands and caused Pearl to yelp.  Amethyst had already jumped to her feet and started summoning her whip, but she stopped once Garnet let Pearl go, hands in the air, and took a step back. I was frozen on the ground, unsure what to do, I had never seen an outburst like this from Garnet and hadn’t even realized she was capable of such ire.

Garnet took in a deep breath, “I’m sorry, that was out of line.”

“I-it’s okay,” Pearl said quietly, clasping her hands together to try to hide how badly they were shaking.

“No, it’s not,” Garnet took off her glasses, tears started running down her face, “You are your own Gem, you can make your own decisions Pearl.  But you are also a part of this team. We’re incomplete without you. I need you to protect yourself. Especially since,” she sobbed and put a hand over her third eye.

“Garnet?” Pearl cautiously reached out and touched the larger Gem’s shoulder.

Garnet grabbed Pearl’s hand and squeezed, “Especially since I keep failing to protect this team.”

“Hey that’s not true,” Amethyst made a motion like she was going to reach out for Garnet as well, but then stopped herself and crossed her arms instead.

“Yes it is,” Garnet said firmly, almost shouting, “I’ve been blind to so many things lately. The Cluster, Steven turning himself over to the Homeworld, his return through lion, and so many other times.  It led me to doubt and question myself and my ability to lead. So when White Diamond contacted us, and I couldn’t see any one future group more certain than the others, I was so scared. I just let you sacrifice yourself like you always do Pearl.  All because there was a shred of possibility that White Diamond wouldn’t become our enemy. I practically gave you up to her, then she took you and tortured you and tried to break you. That’s on me.”

“No,” Pearl said firmly and went to wipe away one of Garnet’s tears, but Garnet recoiled.

Garnet walked around Pearl and headed to her room in the Temple, “I need to be alone.”

“You seem to be good at making people need to be alone,” I casually observed.

Pearl put a hand on her hip and glared at me, “Gee, thanks.”

“What?” I shrugged, “It’s just an observation. I mean, I’ve only been here for an hour and you’ve scared off both your girlfriend and leader.”

Pearl was going to rebuttal, but Amethyst had an outburst, “Actually, make that Pearl’s girlfriend, leader, AND teammate!  Hopefully it will be enough to sink the message into that thick head of yours! Ya know, I haven’t seen Garnet so mad she accidentally shocked someone since I first emerged and you two were all jacked up from the war.  Not a time I really want to relive!” She bumped Pearl in the stomach with her shoulder as she pushed past and disappeared into her room.

I could see Pearl’s hands still shaking.  Steven would likely say something encouraging or insightful to comfort her.  I cleared my throat, but Pearl cut me off, “Don’t say it. I’m thoroughly aware of what a selfish idiot I am right now.  I don’t need to be reminded,” she walked over to the Warp Pad.

“Uh, that’s not what I was going to say at all,” I finally stood up.

“I’m not going to be able to focus on work right.  How about I meet up with you at the barn tomorrow and we can start fresh,” Pearl said and warped out.

The house went silent as I was left alone.  Maybe relationships were a little more complex and unsustainable than I had initially predicted.  I gathered up my things and warped back to the Barn. Lapis wasn’t there. This wasn’t unusual though since she often would fly around the area to enjoy the scenery. “Well,” I said to myself as I stored T.A.S.E. in the Barn, “I think I have even more questions than when I left,” I grumbled and threw myself on the ground, “argh! Why does everything on Earth have to be so complicated!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the angst train! Haha. Honestly, I started outlining the next few chapters and the overall plot (as well as a potential sequel) and this was not at all where I initially intended for the chapter to go. Maybe just all the stress from starting grad school after being in the workforce for a handful of years and starting a new job influenced the way this transformed. I feel character development wise though it’s right, and hey, a little splash of potential Lapidot never hurts right? Hope you enjoy!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grains of sand.

**Garnet**

            I pressed myself against The Temple door. I hadn’t felt this way since right after the war.  I certainly hadn’t lost control like that either.  I wasn’t even sure why this particular instance had set me off.  Pearl’s reckless stunt was certainly infuriating, particularly her lack of communication.  Her continued self-doubt was concerning as well, but taking into account what she had just gone through it was understandable.   Ruby had seen Gems go through the rehabilitation process, she was well aware how potent it was, and that was without literal mind-control. So why are we so angry? And scared?

            It took an intense session of deep meditation to determine the root causes.  First, as I had discussed with Steven and mentioned in my outburst, the recent failure to predict major events and revelations had faltered my confidence in my ability to lead.  A lack of confidence was not something I was accustomed to.  Second, with the growing threat from Homeworld steadily growing, suppressed trauma from the war I had long buried was resurfacing.

            I idly checked several future outcomes, hesitant to rely on the power, but unsure what to fall back on.  I couldn’t help but chuckle at how obvious the actions I needed to take were.  I needed to talk to Pearl.  I needed to apologize for scaring and shocking her.  Mostly though, she was the only Crystal Gem that would truly understand.  Pearl had been through the war, and the outcome had hit her the hardest.  Harder than it hit Rose even, and yet I avoided talking with her about it despite a vague impression that maybe we both needed to.  Pearl also knew how to push through confidence issues.

            When I exited The Burning Room I found the house empty, which suited me fine.  The morning had passed and it was now mid-afternoon. Without another moment’s hesitation, I warped to a long forgotten island that had once hid one of our major bases.  Due to its location, night had already fallen.  I headed straight for the beach.

            I saw Pearl standing in the shallows, she had shifted off her socks and shoes and was just standing there, hands at her side, staring at nothing.  Panic returned, this was not typical behavior for her.  I couldn’t help but worry her test had been faulty.  My body acted on instinct, running towards her and yelling her name.

**Pearl**

            Peridot’s face, eyebrow raised and mouth starting to open disappeared as I warped out.  I barely made it to my destination before what I had come to realize in my readings of human psychology as a panic attack hit.  I had read those books to attempt better understanding of humans for Steven, but now it was rattling around my thoughts as an application towards myself.  Understanding what it was did little to help.  The logical part of my self simply couldn’t override the adrenaline. 

I gasped for air I didn’t need and shook violently.  My legs stumbled as I made my way through the forest towards the direction of the old Crystal Gem base.  Between the haze of dusk and an inability to focus I became disoriented and ended up on the beach, which was in the opposite direction of my desired destination.

            I collapsed into the sand, stress causing me to try and fail to speak out loud, “S-stop, duh-duh-don’t think about uh-” I gripped the back of my neck with both hands, clenched my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut. My thoughts were racing, criticizing my every action.  I felt like I had been making progress the past several months before all this happened, but now I was thrown back further into pearl conditioning than I realized.  Maybe because I was comfortable there, thinking of myself as unimportant.  When you’re nothing you don’t have to worry about imperfections and flaws, and I just had so many I didn’t know how to face them.  I was never designed to be my own entity.

            I hadn’t realized I had instinctively pressed my forehead into the ground until the memory of White Diamond asking me what I was stabbed through my jumbled thoughts.  I gasped and tried to stand, but fell backwards onto my rear end.  I pulled my legs tightly to my chest, hugging them and burying my sobs.  I began rocking back and forth to help soothe the uncontrollable need for repetitive movement that shook my limbs.  I rode the waves out, trying to zero in on steadying breaths.

            As the attack began to subside I was able to focus my thoughts more.  A song from Sheena’s playlist that the lyrics had struck me began playing on repeat in my head.  I finally got my breathing under control and was able to lift my head.

            Night had fallen. I focused on the sound of waves and a myriad of nocturnal creatures stirring in the forest behind me.  After a while and urge struck me.  I stood on shaky legs, as exhausted as if I had been on a long, difficult mission.  I phased off my shoes and socks.  The numerous grains of sand that would usually irritate me was a welcome physical stimulus for my formless thoughts causing me to feel disconnected from reality.  I walked into the ocean so the waves lapped at my ankles.

            I let myself get lost in the silence that now dominated my mind, only focusing on the feeling of sand between my toes and the warm, wet caress of the tide.  After a while, even that sensation was no longer at the forefront.  I didn’t worry about the passage of the present time, or the past, or the future.  I was just…still.  I stopped breathing and my muscles relaxed, hands dangled at my sides.  It was oddly calming.

            I was like that for quite some time.  Then I began tackling the thoughts that had spun me out of control.  I tried to accept them and formed a vague plan to counteract instead.  Then Garnet’s voice cut through the silence, “Pearl!”

There was a distinct ring of panic in her voice so I summoned my spear and lowered into a defensive stance while turning my upper body, “What?”

I had expected some sort of silent Corruption stalking me.

            I just saw Garnet.  She stopped running towards me, “Oh, you’re alright.  I thought,” she drifted off and adjusted her glasses out of embarrassment.  I was confused for a moment until I realized how odd it would be for her to see me standing completely still in the ocean.  It was so far from my customary actions it was only natural for her to worry.

            I let my spear dissipate and turned away from her, not ready to look at her face after how badly I had upset her, “I’m okay, just thinking.” 

I heard Garnet shift and join me in the shallows.  From right behind me she said, “Think fast.”

I didn’t have a chance to ask about what before her back was pressed against mine, her weight bearing down. 

I yelped, “Garnet?!” as I quickly adjusted my footing so we wouldn’t fall.

            “Do you remember the promise we made the last time we were back to back?” She said as she moved slightly, likely crossing her arms.

I gulped, “I’ve always got your back,” I clasped my hands together.  I wasn’t expecting this conversation.  It had been the first time we fused.  It happened during a particularly intense battle near the end of the war.  We lost a lot of Gems that day, we likely would have been wiped out completely if I hadn’t made it right before the attack once I hacked the plan from Yellow Diamond’s computer system.  Garnet and I never discussed the war though.

            Garnet kept speaking, “I thought for sure we would both get shattered when we were separated from everyone else. The only thoughts I had were, keep Pearl alive and take out as many as possible before they get you.”

I nodded, “I thought the same thing, except, keep you alive as long as possible. I suppose that’s why we ended up creating Sardonyx.

Garnet grunted in agreement, “We naturally synched up.”

            “I’m sorry I haven’t had your back like I should recently.  I’ve put too much of a burden on you.  I should have noticed how much everything was piling up on you and building stress.  I keep trying to be strong, and I make progress, but then I always relapse,” I lifted my head up so it was resting on the back of her shoulders and neck.

“Strength isn’t a straight line, it wanes and waxes for everyone.  Right now, it just so happens to be waning for both of us.  I’m sorry I let you down as well.  I should have thought of a different plan with White Diamond, and I shouldn’t have let my emotions get so bottled that I shocked you.  It’s my job to hold this team together-”

            “No,” I cut her off firmly, “it’s all of our jobs to hold this team together, just like it’s my job to take better care of myself.”

She chuckled and sighed.  Her arms fell to her sides and her hands reached out for mine.  I grabbed both of them.  We stood like that for a few moments.  Then Garnet spoke, “I’m so scared Pearl.  Homeworld is becoming more and more focused on us, and we don’t have the ability to recruit Gems to our cause like we used to.  Even if we did,  I- I don’t know if I could stand to go through another Gem War.  I exist for love, not slaughter and torment.”

            “I don’t know if I could go through another war either. I,” I took in a deep breath, “I’m still haunted by the first one. But I don’t know what else to do.  I can’t think of how we’re going to stop them.”

“If Rose was here,” Garnet started to speak.

I cut her off again, “If Rose was here we would be just as lost.  She would have agreed to meet with White Diamond as well. She wasn’t all knowing and was as flawed as the rest of us.  She was kind and had the best of intentions, but she would have been just as trapped as we are now.”

            Garnet paused, “You’re right.  I know you’re right.  It was easier to think otherwise though.”

“There’s no easy way out of all this.  I guess there’s never been an easy way for the Crystal Gems though,” I smiled.

Garnet squeezed my hands, “Now _that_ is an understatement of the millennium.”

“We’ll get through it together, we always do.” I meant it, even though I had no clear idea of how we would pull it off.  I was happy she was talking to me though, trusting me.  It was nice to feel the chill of Sapphire’s gem in one hand and the warmth of Ruby’s gem in the other.  I still felt exhausted, but with Garnet pressed against my back I was starting to feel stronger.

**Garnet**

            The familiarity of Pearl’s long fingers in between mine and her slender but surprisingly powerful back was exactly what I needed.  Her words were what I needed to hear too, even if there were difficult to accept.  She was correct, we were a team, although I was the leader, the burden was not mine alone.  I had shut them out when I needed to be more open.  The conviction in Pearl’s voice when she said she needed to take care of herself and Rose wouldn’t have had all the answers either was reassuring.  She really was growing and changing.  Rose would have been proud of her.  Now, if only her actions would line up with those words.

            As we silently stood I thought about all we had gone through together.  In an odd way, I wouldn’t exist without her.  That blade of hers was the catalyst for Ruby and Sapphire’s fusion, and the protective steel that helped me when I was new to my form, and when I was struggling on the battlefield.  She was there for Ruby and Sapphire as fights tore us apart before we mastered our balance as Garnet.  She was there at the end of the war, and she was here now, through all of the ups and downs.

            “You know,” I let go and moved to Pearl’s side, wrapping my arm around her, “You’ve asked Ruby and Sapphire about their lives under Homeworld, but I never asked you about yours.  I don’t even know how long you lived on Homeworld.”

Pearl looked up at me and her brows knitted together as she snaked her arm up my back to rest her hand on my shoulder, “I would have avoided the question if you had asked anyway.  I was given to Pink Diamond a few thousand years before we came to Earth.  Before that, I was White Diamond’s Pearl for a very long time, around eleven thousand years.”

            I was surprised, I hadn’t realized her time on Homeworld was two thirds of her life.  I felt a little silly for expecting her behavior to be even less like a Homeworld pearl than it already was.  Sapphire and Ruby had both spent slightly more time on Homeworld than Earth, but we always existed as Garnet here.  It was only natural for us to throw off all of Homeworld’s conditioning. “So you were an early Era one Gem then.”

Pearl chuckled, “Well, if you want to get extremely technical, I’m an Era Zero Gem.”

“Era Zero?” I raised an eyebrow, I had never heard the term.

            Pearl nodded, “Or the Dark Era as some of White’s court called it.  My official designation is Pearl, Alpha Batch, Thirteen of Fifteen.”

“That is the oddest Gem designation I have ever heard,” I jested.

“Well, pearls are made a little differently since we are designed for our owner rather than a specific job.  That and it technically isn’t a Gem created designation, the organics that created my batch and White Diamond assigned it.”

“Organics?” Now I was completely puzzled.

            “Yes, the one’s that ruled Homeworld before Gems did.  I’m _that_ old, although I was in a bubble for the war where White exterminated them.”

“I wasn’t even aware there was intelligent organic life on Homeworld,” I took off my glasses so I could more freely emote my surprise and interest.

“Oh,” Pearl frowned, “I figured that was common knowledge.  How did you think Gems were first created then?  We have no form of sexual reproduction and require the absorption of large quantities of organic matter in order for our gems to form.  Also, Homeworld has an atmosphere and we don’t even need to breath.”

            I shrugged, “I suppose I never thought to question it.  I just believed that White Diamond designed all Gems.”

Pearl nodded, “She designed almost all of them.  The only Gems she didn’t design were pearls, bismuths, and of course herself.  She’s made modifications to pearls and bismuths since.  I’m the only Era Zero Pearl, and the only Era Zero Bismuths are the one’s under White Diamond and Crystal Gem Bismuth.”

“Oh,” I wasn’t sure how to process all of this information, it did all make sense, it was just, a lot.  I decided to focus my next question back on Pearl, “I figured with the words batch and thirteen of fifteen in your name that meant you were made with fourteen others.”

            “I was,” she replied quietly.

“Oh,” I swallowed and mentally berated myself at the obvious answer, “so you’re just the only one left.”

“Yes,” she squeezed my shoulder, “but let’s not talk about that.”

“What did the organic life look like?  The intelligent ones, I do remember the vegetation that was left when Sapphire emerged.”

            Pearl shook her head, “That I can’t tell you.  Some sort of block is placed on my emergence and whatever time I was out before I was bubbled.  I still can’t access them with my new abilities even.  I think it may be a block the organic lifeforms somehow instituted, although I don’t really know why.”

            “Hmm,” I thought about how to proceed,  “talking to you certainly has given me more information than anticipated, but you didn’t really answer my question,” I pressed gently, “what was your life like as White’s Pearl?”

There was a long pause.  I glanced at Pearl and saw her lips pressed tightly together.  I was about to change the subject when she spoke, “It wasn’t really much of anything. For the vast majority it was quietly standing at attention, and doing as I was told.  If I made a mistake or stepped out of line she would punish me severely or force me into submission with her powers.  White is very calculated and lacks empathy, she only knows how to fake a smile and concern when she deems it logical.  The few emotions she has are limited and only come out in fleeting but dangerous bursts.  It was the only thing that made her unpredictable.  Also why it has been so puzzling that she has been so transfixed on me, there is just no logic behind it.  Then there were the early days, when she was still determining the limitations of Gemkind.  She would often use me for her experiments, and they were never pleasant.  I always looked forward to her meetings with Blue and Yellow Diamond after she made them.  It meant I was alone and I would pass the time recovering, trying to figure out how whatever tech there was in the room worked, or building little machines.”

            I grinned, “So you always had that little rebel engineer streak.”

Pearl chuckled, “I suppose so.  I remember when Blue and the original Yellow Pearl were first made, I had been so isolated I resented them for taking that time from me.  Eventually Yellow opened up though and we all spent the time we had working together on shared interests.  Yellow and I would build things and study space, Blue and I would dance and I would help her with her ice art using things I made from scraps.  The three of us even started fusing after Yellow and I did it accidentally.  Most often it was just Yellow and myself that would fuse though, but here and there Blue and I would fuse too.”

            “Pearl,” I mocked astonishment, “a pearl fusion, that is strictly forbidden.  Don’t you know fusing is obscene for two non-combatant Gems?” I jested.

Pearl rolled her eyes, “You know, all those Gems that thought Sardonyx’s sarcasm only came from me clearly hadn’t spent enough time with you.”

“Or my sarcasm is just so good they missed it entirely,” I winked.

“Pfft, oh is that how it works?  If Steven asks our origin story then I’ll leave out the part how you wanted to call us the Sardonic Onyx and just mention I suggested Sardonyx.”

            I let go of Pearl and stood in front so we were face to face, “Hey now, our name was a team effort, but I deserve most of the credit.  Speaking of Sards though,” I held out my hands, “how about we fuse?”

Pearl was taken aback, “Wh-what? Now?  There isn’t even an enemy to fight or common goal for us to focus on.”

“Exactly,” I smiled, “it will just be for fun, a team-building experience.”

Pearl thought hard, “Well, it could certainly be a welcomed change from the usual reasons we fuse.  I’m still worried about passing damage on to you though.”

“I’m not,” I used Future Vision to confirm my theory, “Your mental barrier will protect me.  Plus, if my Future Vision is wrong, I promise I will split off the second anything unusual happens.”

Pearl looked up and then back at me, “If your Future Vision shows the all clear,” she held out her hand, “why not?”

**Sheena**

            I was walking into town without a clear destination.  My bike was back in Pearl’s gem, so going for a ride wasn’t an option like usual.  It was our first real fight.  It was bound to happen, especially with all the stress we were under.  That didn’t make the fight easier.

            Steven and Connie’s comments on Pearl’s history of reckless self-endangerment hadn’t settled well with me, so as soon as the two pre-teens left to have fun I asked her about it.  She told me about the war and how she would often use herself as a shield to protect Rose, no matter what the consequences.  This continued after the war when they were on missions too, even the Rose begged her to stop.  When Pearl said she would tell herself to listen to Rose but then instinct would always just take over I lost it.

            How was I supposed to believe the promise she had just made to me about protecting herself?  Pearl didn’t have an answer outside of she couldn’t predict her future actions with absolute certainty, but as much distress it caused me she thought it would be different.  I knew no matter what she had said I wouldn’t have been satisfied with the answer.  I also couldn’t just let it go.  She got frustrated and demanded what I wanted from her.

            I said if she couldn’t value herself for Rose and she loved her so much more than me how could she possible change that with me.  It wasn’t a fair thing to say and I could see her eyes narrow with anger.  What I really meant was the whole point of what all of us had been trying to tell her was that she needed to protect herself for herself.  I was too angry, scared, and stubborn to say that though. When Peridot interrupted, I saw a way out before I said something else stupid and left.

            Right before I got off the beach I heard Steven call my name.  He was making a sand castle with Connie.  He waved me over.  Part of me wanted to find an excuse to keep walking, but he was so excited to give me a tour of “chateau de sable” as he called it I couldn’t help but smile and stay.

            Steven’s unbridled optimism in the face of so much serious danger in his life reminded me of this kid I met when I lived on the streets before I met my ex.  I hoped that kid was doing okay after he and his little gang train-hopped out of town for the ‘freedom of the country.’ I had tried to look for him recently, but I only knew him as Happy Harry and that wasn’t much to go on.  I had helped take care of him and his band of misfits as much as I could since I was older, but I wasn’t exactly rolling in resources either back then.  Maybe with Steven I could be of more use.

            I blushed at this though, I was already getting so attached I was starting to see myself as part of Pearl’s family.  Thankfully, both kids were too busy showing me their castle’s moat to see my embarrassment.  Once the tour was complete, I kicked off my boots and rolled up my pants until they were right below my knees, “I think chateau de sable needs a neighbor, don’t you?”

Connie and Steven yelled excitedly in unison, “Yeah!”

            We ended up spending the rest of the morning and a good portion of the afternoon making another castle and a dragon’s lair.  The sand dragon was even somewhat intimidating.  Of course Connie and Steven started coming up with a story.  Steven was king of the first castle and his kingdom welcomed all magical beasts and humans who needed a place to call their own after being cast out of their homes for being different.  Connie was queen of the second castle, but her kingdom specialized in trade and entrepreneurship, and were so successful they philanthropically donated money to Steven’s kingdom to support the refugees in need.  I chuckled, they were both such pure and innocent kids, it was refreshing, “I suppose that leaves me with the dragon then?”

            Steven’s eyes sparkled with excitement as an idea came to him, “You can be the princess of the dragons! And we can get Pearl and she can be a knight from a faraway land that comes to rescue you, but once she discovers the dragons are just misunderstood and you don’t need to be saved, she joins your cause and the two of you protect the dragons together!”

“Oh,” I bit my lip, “maybe later we can get Pearl to join.”

“Did she go on a mission with the others?” Connie asked.

“No,” I replied and started making another sand dragon, since apparently the dragon’s lair was  now the land of dragons, “Pearl and I just had a bit of an argument.”

            “Oh no,” Steven panicked, “you two aren’t going to break up are you?”

“What?” I stopped and looked at the curly-haired pre-teen, “Of course not kiddo, it was important, but certainly not a deal breaker.  Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship,” I smiled to reassure him.

Connie nodded, “Even my parent’s argue sometimes and they’ve been together for forever.”

Steven blushed, “I guess even Ruby and Sapphire argue sometimes too and Garnet has been together for thousands of years.”

I went back to working on the sand dragons, “Like I said, completely normal part of a healthy relationship.”

            Steven’s stomach suddenly interrupted the conversation.

Connie giggled, “I suppose we should eat lunch, running a kingdom is hard work after all.”

Steven nodded solemnly, “Yes, we certainly can’t keep running our kingdoms on empty stomachs now can we?”  They both giggled as we headed back to the house.

            I wasn’t hungry, so I had hoped to talk to Pearl  while the kids ate, but we only found Amethyst playing video games on Steven’s bed.  I left the kids in the kitchen making sandwiches and walked upstairs, “Hey Ames, where’s Pearl?”

Amethyst shrugged, “Probably off sulking somewhere after she pissed Garnet and me off with her little stunt this morning.  Sounded like she pissed you off too from what Peridot said.”

I frowned, “We did have an argument.  You wouldn’t happen to know where she goes when she’s upset would you?”

            “I don’t really care,” she said, still focused on the game.

Part of me wanted to unplug the damn TV so she would stop acting so disinterested, but I had a feeling that wouldn’t end well so I settled for a sarcastic, “Gee thanks.  Huge help.”

“Any time S.” Amethyst smirked.

I sighed and walked back down stairs.

            I sat down at one of the stools and sent Pearl a text, “Hey, sorry I stormed off earlier.  Ready to talk whenever you are.  Sounds like things didn’t go over well with Garnet and Amethyst either so take whatever time you need.”

After lunch we were headed back to our little sand country when the ground shook so violently I nearly fell over.  A giant creature exploded out of the ground.

“Ah! The Tunnel Corruption is back!” Steven yelled. 

The giant Lovecraftian monster roared, showing several jagged rows of teeth, and then shot directly at us.

**…To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought we had seen the last of that Corruption didn’t you? Hopefully the lore and world building for this story wasn’t too dry in the chapter, I tried to work I in as naturally as possible. Also, I love that the scene that ended up being my favorite for the chapter literally came from, Sheena is pissed and gonna want to head to town but I need her on the beach for when the Corruption shows up, so sand castles with Steven and Connie happened. If anyone is interested, the song I had in mind for what was stuck in Pearl’s head coming down from the panic attack was either “The Governess” by Metric, or “Blinding” by Florence + the Machine. Hope you enjoyed!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight!

**Stevonnie**

We barely had time to form and get out of the way with Sheena as the Corruption attacked. I saw my sword still stuck in its hide from our last encounter.  We had fought this thing four times now, but we still hadn’t located its gem.  We had learned that its skin was only susceptible to slicing and piercing damage though.  I wished Pearl was around, with her spear we could make quick work of retrieving my sword and taking this thing out.

I told Sheena to hide behind a boulder nearby and Amethyst joined me.  Working together I was able to grab my sword, but I was so focused on the task I missed its tail coming at me.  The wind was knocked out of me and we slammed into the cliff-side.

**Connie**

                I was disoriented for a moment, my head rang and my chest hurt,  I became aware there was something around my waist.  I groaned and opened my eyes but only saw sand and boots.

“Wh-what happened,” I heard Steven mumble.

“You two took a blow and split or whatever,” Sheena panted.

I was under one of her arms, and Steven was being held on her shoulder.

                She was running away with us, but the Corruption was chasing despite Amethyst’s attempts to stop it.  The Corruption spat an orb surrounded by green goo at us.  Sheena barely dodged it, but twisted her ankle in the soft sand in the process.  She hissed and struggled to keep her balance.  The orb, which was a few feet away, glowed and whined.  Sheena turned her back to it and brought Steven and I to her chest as she darted forward. The orb exploded.

                The force of the explosion knocked Steven and I out of Sheena’s grip and the sand scraped uncomfortably against all parts of my skin that was exposed as I slid into the ground.  I forced my panic down with steady breaths, remembering my training.    I looked at Sheena, she was face first in the sand, her back had taken the brunt of the explosion.  Her entire back was red, white, and black and her hair was singed unevenly.  I had seen gore on TV and in pictures in books, but never such a severe injury in real life, on someone I knew.  My stomach turned and I vomited despite my attempts to calm myself.

Sheena forced herself to her knees, her face blank and confused.  I realized she must have been in shock for the pain to not register.  Come on Connie, I thought, you got this, you’ve prepared for this.  I moved closer and grabbed her arm.  Her glasses were broken and there was blood starting to trickle from a gash on her forehead.

“Don’t move,” I ordered, “You’re badly injured.”

She tried to say something, but it was just a slurred jumble.  I can handle this, I started to tell myself over and over.

                A shadow darkened the area as the Corruption went to strike.  There was nothing I could do, I wasn’t about to leave Sheena there, but the sword was too far away for me to grab in time and I wasn’t strong enough to drag her out of the strike zone.

“Hey big guy,” Smoky Quartz yelled and hit the monster with all three of their yo-yos, “how about you pick on someone your own species, huh? Well, more or less.”

Tunnel Corruption screeched and quickly wrapped itself around Smoky.  I ignored the battle to focus on Sheena.

                Sheena’s arms were shaky and it looked like she was going to fall over.  Sand on her back wouldn’t be good, and face down would get more stuff in the cut on her forehead. I took the flannel from her waist and laid it on the ground.  Then I laid her down on her side on top of it. Her eyes, started to shut.

I shook her, “Hey, don’t fall asleep, you might have a concussion.”

She mumbled, “Kid, get out of danger.  I don’t want you to get hurt.”

                Sand was kicked up all around us as Smoky blew the Corruption out to the ocean with a whirlwind from their yo-yos.  The Corruption spat another explosive as it was lifted into the air.  The goo stuck to Smoky’s chest and exploded, splitting their fusion.

“Amethyst!” Steven yelled, “Is your gem alright?”

“It’s fine,” Amethyst panted and ran over to us, “No cracks.  Quick though, heal Sheena so we can run and hide.  We can’t take this thing out without help.”

                Steven ran and slapped his glowing healing spit onto Sheena’s shoulder, “What about you Connie, are you okay?”

I didn’t have a chance to reply before the Corruption came shooting up out of the ocean, its wyvern-like wings blocking the sun.  Steven surrounded Sheena and myself with him in a bubble.

Amethyst transformed into Purple Puma and growled, “C’mon, just go away!”

Her legs were shaking and she didn’t charge.  Steven’s bubble disappeared as he fell to his knees, completely out of energy.

                “Steven!” I cried.  Again I looked at the sword in the sand, too far away to get to.  I went to run for it anyway.  Sheena picked up Steven and followed me.

Then a voice I never heard shouted, “FORE!”

A huge Gem dressed in a tux with four thin arms, two legs that reminded me of a grasshopper, and yellow hair landed between Amethyst and the monster.  She swung her giant hammer like a golf club and hit the Corruption back into the ocean.

“Sardonyx!” Amethyst cheered and changed back to normal, “Am I glad to see you!”

“Giant woman!” Steven cheered from Sheena’s arms.

                I saw the gem on her forehead and hands as she turned to us and spoke, “Well, well, well, it appears we have a surprise guest star joining us this afternoon.  And here it was supposed to be my day off,” she held one of the completely gloved hands to her face, a partially gloved hand at her hip, and crossed the other two.

“Is that Pearl and Garnet fused,” I asked Steven.  He had told me about their fusion, but I had never met her.   He nodded eagerly.

    Sardonyx looked us over and her top eyes narrowed as she clicked her tongue, “Hm, I do believe our guest is a bit too rowdy for my liking,” she summoned Pearl’s spear and Garnet’s gauntlets to make her hammer again and then rested it on her shoulder, “I wonder if I ask nicely it will take the hint and,” she readied her hammer, spun around and struck the corrupted gem as it attacked her back, “LEAVE!”

The giant corrupted gem flew across the beach and scrambled back into a coil, then readied its wings.

“Appears to be as hard-headed as I expected,” Sardonyx charged, “Perhaps I need to be a bit more to the point,” she turned her hammer into a drill and aimed at the oncoming Corruption. The drill created a gash in its odd skin but did not pierce it all the way. Sardonyx took a glancing blow to the face that cracked her shades and damaged her nose. She kept her feet planted and let the force from the blow spin her top half around, using the momentum to attack with her hammer and knock the corrupted gem back, breaking one of its wings.  It shot one of its projectiles at Sardonyx that exploded on contact. Sardonyx staggered backwards and caught her fall with two of her hands.

    The corrupted gem suddenly shot at us with its mouth open. Sardonyx barely made it in between us, she had one leg on the cliff side and the other digging into the sand. She had managed to jam her hammer into its mouth right as it went to bite down and its several rows of teeth were gnawing at it.

“Now, now, your manners certainly do leave much to be desired,” she summoned one of Pearl’s spears, “for instance, didn’t anyone tell you it's rude to chew with your mouth open?” She tossed the spear into the Corruption’s mouth.  It backed away and screeched, Sardonyx pulled her hammer back, balanced on the ground with her other two arms, and kicked the corruption onto its back with both of her legs. Then she sprang straight up and came down full force with her drill, targeting the same spot she had hit previously. Its body disappeared in a puff of smoke and Sardonyx bubbled the gem.  

A second corrupted gem shot straight at her and fired multiple projectiles that stuck to her back and exploded. Sardonyx cried out and fell to the ground, but didn’t split.  She recovered quickly and dodged three strikes and two more exploding barrages from the small corruption that was moving so quickly I couldn’t even see it.  It was amazing, I felt like I was watching Pearl’s dodging movement, but she was one step ahead, like she could see the future.  I wondered if maybe the three of them had synched up enough that Sardonyx was utilizing Pearl’s hard-trained skills, Ruby’s raw instinct, and Sapphire’s Future Vision.

After getting used to the pace and a few missed strikes, Sardonyx grinned, “My, my, I haven’t had to put on a show this arduous in quite some time.  I suppose for the main event,” she dodged a few explosions, “I’ll have to show you the trick that earned me the nickname of The Thunderbird.  But as with all good acts,” she twirled away from strike that would have hit her square in the nose, “a little set up is required.”

She summoned two hammers, “I do believe you’ve already been acquainted with one of my assistants, her twin packs an equal amount of wallop,” she side-stepped another attack and readied the hammer in her left arms, “let’s start with the classic, now you see me, now you don’t,” she swept the sand, kicking up a shrouding layer of dust.

                Sardonyx was hidden, but the small Corruption left a visible trail.  An explosion from one of the projectiles blew the dust away, but it was too late.  Sardonyx had already used the dust to locate her target and she brought both of her hammers together on the tiny monster.  We were all knocked to the ground from the force of the attack and my ears rang from the sound that boomed from the contact of her two hammers.  It was certainly reminiscence of a thunderclap.

“As usual, always a move that knocks the audience off their feet,” Sardonyx winked at us as she bubbled the gem and sent it away.

                Sardonyx walked closer and took a bow, “That concludes today’s surprise performance, no encore necessary.  We do apologize for the mess, and don’t worry, your hearing will return completely in an hour or so,” then she was gone with a flash of light and a swarm of dragonflies.

Pearl and Garnet appeared, side by side with their arms intertwined. Garnet whooped and picked Pearl up, spinning her around, “Now that’s what I’m talking about. Been a while since we’ve been able to use Future Vision and unleashed the mighty Thunderclap,” she placed Pearl back on the ground, resting a forearm on her shoulder, “sorry about your nose though, one day we really need to get out of a scrap without breaking it.”

Pearl laughed and beamed, “That certainly would be a nice change,” she gingerly touched the bridge of her nose, “it’s been worse though.”

                “Soooo, you two are cool again,” Amethyst asked as she crossed her arms, “and apparently fusion is suddenly not dangerous with Pearl.”

Steven had Sheena put him down.  She then grabbed her flannel and put it on since her shirt was barely held on by the front and sleeves. I wanted to be excited about the victory and the awesome new to me fusion I had seen, but I was still unsteady, the gravity of the situation we just narrowly got out of threatening to wash over me.  I grabbed the sword instead and tuned out the conversation.

“Hey Connie,” Steven whispered to me, “are you okay?”

I blushed and shrugged, “it was just, a close call is all.”

                Amethyst suddenly shoved past Pearl and started storming off.  Pearl called after her, but Garnet said she would talk to her first and followed.

Pearl sighed and turned to Sheena as she finished rolling up her sleeves to her elbows, “You were hurt.”

Sheena nodded, “Steven fixed me up though, but my glasses are shot,” she grunted and took them off, then looked shocked, “uh,” she put the glasses back to her face, took them off again and raised one of her eyebrows.

“Oh,” I said as I realized what was happening, “I used to wear glasses too, Steven healed my eyes.”

                “So, I just suddenly don’t need glasses now,” she gestured with the glasses in her right hand and then was surprised again.  She kept bending and stretching her arm, “and I have full range of motion in my elbow again.  I messed it up when I was a teen and was told even surgeries wouldn’t fix it.  Gee, that spit of yours is something else Steven.”

Steven puffed up his chest, “Glad to be of help.  I’m pretty drained now though. Hey Connie, could you help me back to the house?”

“Huh? Oh,” I realized from the quick look he gave me he was trying to give Sheena and Pearl space so they could talk, “right, of course.  Yeah!”

                Pearl gave both of us a worried look, “How about we all go back to the-”

“No, just Connie and me will be fine right Connie?”

“Right,” I nodded, “I’ve got this handled ma’am.”

Pearl looked hesitant.  Sheena chuckled, “I think they’re trying to give us time alone to talk and make up.”

Pearl blushed, “O-oh.”

Steven shook his head, “Whaaaaaat? No, I just need to rest and want to spend time with my best friend Connie!  If you two just happen to need some time to talk to each other though, now would be perfect.  If you want to of course.”

                I grabbed his arm and started leading the way, “C’mon, the sooner we get to the house the sooner we can get a juice and sit down.”

Steven nodded, “Juice is the perfect drink to replenish lost energy.”

“Well, something with electrolytes, and maybe some vitamins but not too much sugar would probably be better,” I pointed out and started to feel the pressure in my chest start to go away being so close to Steven, “Juice is more fun though.”

Once we were out of view from Pearl and Sheena, I started shaking and tearing up a bit, but Steven gave me a silent and tight hug.  I squeezed him back and after a few moments, I started to feel safe.  We can handle this, I thought.

**…To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight scenes are incredibly draining and difficult. I am not great at it, but I feel mostly satisfied with this and, at the very least, it was good practice. Balancing Sardonyx’s wit and theatrics within the fighting was a challenge as well. I am actually a very sarcastic person, but for some reason when thinking of her dialogue I kept drawing blanks, although mostly because I have a hard time getting a handle on her character. This was the best I could manage though. Hope you enjoyed.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl and Sheena talk.

**Pearl**

                I watched Steven and Connie disappear around the corner on their way back to the house and then turned to Sheena.  My stomach felt like when I was tossed into the air by a Corruption or Gem.  I knew we had to talk about our fight earlier, and I hated that I hadn’t been there to protect Sheena from getting hurt.  Badly hurt too from what I saw was left of Sheena’s shirt, hair and glasses.  I began preparing my opening statement when I saw Sheena’s grin and relaxed stance suddenly transform into sobbing and shaking.

“Sheena?” I heard my voice crack as I got closer to her.

                She grabbed me and held me tight, burying her sobs into my shoulder.  The damage Sardonyx had taken to her back that had been split between Garnet and myself stung as she squeezed, but I ignored it and cradled her, “Sheena, honey, what’s wrong?”

“I just, I, ugh,” she forced herself to take a deep breath in through her nose and let it out slowly through her mouth, “I was scared.  That thing, it was going to hurt the kids, and there was nothing I could do but grab them and run.  Poor Connie saw my back utterly destroyed.  Then all I could think of was if I didn’t make it the last time we saw each other was us having a fight about you being reckless when I had just been reckless. And it’s just,” one of her hands moved to the back of my head and her voice grew quiet, “it’s been a while since I felt so powerless, and in the past two weeks it’s happened twice.”

                I squeezed her tight, “When was the first time?”

She hesitated, “In the hotel, when White Diamond tried to take over you.  I thought I was going to lose you.  Some invisible hand just gutting your head from another galaxy right in front of me and all I could do was watch,” she sobbed harder.

I felt my shoulder grow wet with her tears, “Oh Sheena,” I started crying.  I hadn’t even thought how it must have been for her.  I had been so distressed by the previous take over and what White Diamond had said.  I shivered for a moment as I imagined the feeling of White’s thumbs pressed into my neck and her fingers snaking around my face.  I buried my face in Sheena’s hair to replace the sensation; I wanted to focus on her and not the feeling White still had controlling tendrils in my life.

“I’m sorry,” Sheena shook her head and loosened her grip.

                Alarmed, I pulled back so I could see her face, surprised to find guilt in her eyes, “Sheena, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

She closed her eyes, “Except there is. We agreed to take things so we don’t get attached too much too fast and fall into past mistakes, and yet I’m already so invested.  I-I’ve already started thinking of my place in your family, and getting overwhelmed.  I was even petty and threw your feelings for Rose as a jab at you in our argument.  We’ve barely just started officially dating and we’ve only know each other a handful of months!”

“And that’s fast for humans?”

“For hu- oh,” she brought her forehead to mine, the warmth of her skin pleasant on my gem, “I suppose in your lifespan my entire life is nothing but a blip so months versus years is like nanoseconds and seconds.”

I grabbed both of her hands, “The impact you’ve had on me is already more than a blip.  That’s the point I suppose, time isn’t the issue.  The issue is,” I swallowed hard, “do you feel like you’re losing yourself being with me?”

She paused, “No – well – maybe a little, but in a good way.  I’m starting to lose the parts I want to lose?  I like starting to think I can fit into a family and actually have moments where I feel brave and it’s not just a front.  I just, don’t want to scare you off.”

I squeezed her hands, “I don’t scare that easy.”

Sheena laughed, “Yes, well certainly is evident by all the sassy theatrics you and Garnet had while facing that nightmarish creature.”

I laughed as well, “Yes, Sardonyx does have the tendency to bring out our more dramatic side.”

                We stood for a moment in silence, our foreheads still pressed together.

“I am sorry Sheena.  I’m sorry I’ve stressed you so much with the risks I’ve been taking.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.  I keep telling myself I’m protecting all of you but I’m only hurting you, and more often than not my decisions are based more on how little worth I place on my own life and power.”

“You weren’t wrong though,” Sheena sighed, “with the test, you weren’t wrong.  It would have been more dangerous to not test the lingering Diamond damage until an actual fight.”

“I should have listened more to you though, and I should have at the very least told Garnet and Amethyst.  Who knows, maybe they may even have thought of a safer test.”

“How?”

“I-I don’t know, but that’s the point, I didn’t even give that chance to any of you.  I may have escaped White Diamond,” one of my hands went to the back of my neck again as phantom nails returned, “but I didn’t escape completely.  Part of me is still stuck there, still listening to that awful recording, bowing my head, saying I’m nothing but a tool… that’s why I wanted to avoid Garnet and Amethyst after she took me over here.  I felt like I was still just a pearl, and I didn’t want them to see me like that, I didn’t want you to see me like that either.  Then I threw myself at this test, a small part of me almost wished I would have just been trapped for good.  I would have a clear answer if I’m broken beyond repair or not.  Mostly though, I just had to prove to myself that I was truly free.”  I felt cold as the words tumbled out of my mouth.  I hadn’t even fully realized it had been what I was feeling until I was saying it out loud, “oh stars,” I exclaimed as I stared at the ground, “what if I never completely break free of her, of Homeworld again?  Have I ever even done that before?”

                I hadn’t realized I had let Sheena go and placed my other hand on my neck as well until I felt hers on top of them.  I looked back at her face and saw her brows furrowed, her lips a tight line, and her green eyes glistening with tears.  I nervously laughed and twisted away, the sensation of her touch suddenly threatening to overwhelm me instead of comforting, “Sorry!  This was supposed to be an apology and relieving worry and stress, not just me piling on more – oh, this wasn’t supposed to be about me!”

                I felt like I was on the edge of spiraling out of control again.  I gripped my own arms so tight my nails left marks on my skin and my ears started ringing.

“Pearl,” Sheena’s calm, level voice cut through the maelstrom, “I will always prefer an apology where you are honest with your feelings over one meant to just placate me.  I worry because I care, not because you’re wrong to be struggling.  You’ve been through Hell Pearl.  I’m not going to judge you for that.  I forgive you.  I know you’re trying.  I know you’ll do better, and I promise I’ll do better too.”

I shook my head, “You’ve been nothing but perfect.”

“No,” she gave me a sad smile, “I should have been more honest about how I was feeling before today with getting overwhelmed and being afraid of getting too attached.  And I should have been more insistent with what I thought about the test this morning.  I absolutely should not have said that if you loved Rose more and didn’t listen to her so I couldn’t believe you now.  I just said that because I was frustrated and lashed out.  It was wrong.”

                It was quiet for a moment.  When she had thrown my past affections for Rose at me it had hurt, “I forgive you too.  I certainly understand the struggle of bottling feelings until they explode.  As for Rose, that, that did bother me, a lot.  She can’t be a weapon you use against me when convenient.”

Sheena nodded, “I know, I know.  The second it came out of my mouth I felt awful.  It sounded exactly like something my ex would say to manipulate me.  It’s why I ran away from our argument.  I don’t want to be like him just because that was what I thought was acceptable before.”

I sighed and stepped back towards her, “Guess we’ve both been through Hell.”

Sheena scoffed, “I’d hardly consider what I went through as equal to what you went through.”

“Oh no,” I smiled, “no, no, no.  I’m not going to let you get away with thinking less of yourself any more than you’re going to let me get away with it.  You’ve struggled too, but you’re still fighting.”

Sheena blushed and laugh, “Wow, we are a mess.”

                I smiled wider, “A mess I don’t mind working on.”

My gem glowed as we held hands again.  Then suddenly everything was confusing.  I could feel everything Sheena felt. She could feel me as well.  It was as if we had combined, except we hadn’t.

At the same time we said, “What the fu – language! Sorry! What is going on?”  We both looked at our hands intertwined and let go.  The connection was broken.

Sheena blinked a few times, “What was that?”

I looked at one hand while the other went to my gem, “I don’t know? A new ability maybe?  It felt a lot like fusion, except just our minds?”

                We just stood there for a moment, processing all of the information we had just exchanged.

“Do you,” Sheena started cautiously, “think you could do it again?”

“If you want?”

“Yes, it was interesting, and kind of… nice?”

I grabbed her hand again and recalled how the energy in my gem felt.  It took a little bit, but my gem glowed and we were back.  We both gasped.

Neither of us said anything, lost in the comingling of sensations, personalities, and thoughts.  We were starting to form something new between us but I felt her shrink away, scared by the intimacy she had never experienced.

“Do you want to stop,” I managed to say by myself.

“N-no, no.  Just,” she struggled to define her self in this amalgam that was new to her, “let’s stay more like this.  Still more separate but together.”

I nodded, “I can cut your hair if you want by the way.  I cut Steven’s hair so I’ve had practice, and if you decide to change the color I have an idea.”

“Green,” she said, “to bring out the color of my,” we both blushed, “your teal eyes are gorgeous too.  Also, I have a large ice pack in my freezer that will help your back feel better.  Sorry I was squishing it earlier, I didn’t realize how damaged it is, or how broken your nose is,” both of our hands went to our noses and we laughed in unison, “Gems don’t bleed so it’s hard to tell.”

                We grinned, starting to get used to the sensation.  My experience with fusion similar enough to be helpful.

“Does this constitute as getting too attached too soon?” I jested.

Sheena laughed.  I could feel her moment of surprise and then joy that caught her off guard, “a little, but hey,” she started and then we spoke together, “at least we’re even.”

“May I,” she started, but I had already experienced the thought, “yes.”

                We drew closer and kissed.  I could feel her warm, plump limps with the cool metal of lip ring in the center, and my own, thinner and firm mouth, and how much Sheena enjoyed the strength of my kiss.  Instantly, the heat in my chest flared, as intense as when we had kissed at the Secret Waterfall.  I felt the same heat well up in her chest as well. I slipped my tongue past her lips and felt a new sensation from her, an ache from much lower in her abdomen. Before I was able to focus more on the sensation to figure out what it was she pulled back and I could feel her thinking, “ _Too soon, slow down,_ ” and it confused me.

She became embarrassed and nervous so I did too and we both thought, “ _Maybe we should stop for now_ ,” so I let go of her hand and broke the connection again.

I fidgeted and watched Sheena’s face closely, relieved when I saw her smile with her emerald eyes shining in excitement, “Well that was something.  Little overwhelming, but I look forward to exploring that further with you.”

I nodded, “Me too, I’ll try not to accidentally synch up again, but it may happen from time to time until I get the hang of it.”

Sheena nodded, “Sooo, are we good?”

“Good?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Um, well, it felt like you weren’t mad and you’re content with our conversation, but I wanted to make sure there isn’t anything lingering.”

“Oh! Yes, I feel much better after our talk.  Is there anything else you need to talk to me about? You seemed relaxed until we started kissing.”

She blushed, “Oh, I feel much better too.  It was just a little intense sharing feelings that completely.  I really do want to not rush too headstrong into things and get to know you well.  I think it’s something I haven’t done before and that’s been a problem in the past, and I want to do things different with you because I want things to be right,” she grinned and held out her arm, “so how about we go to my place so you we can fix my hair and get some ice on your back and nose?”

                I thought about how I still needed to apologize to Amethyst, but knew she would likely need more time anyway, so I locked arms with her and we headed towards the house.  We found Steven and Connie on the couch and Garnet talking to Rhodonite.  Rhodonite stiffened when she saw me. 

Garnet grinned and encouraged, “Go on.”

Rhodonite stood in front of me, she opened her mouth, closed it, and then her larger hands grabbed her smaller ones, “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.  But I _do_ want to, no I _need_ to.  It’s too important to me.  Okay, let’s do this then.”

Rhodonite looked up from her conversation at me and then her body glowed and in her place stood a Ruby with her gem at her naval and a pink-toned pearl with her gem seated in her chest, her hands rested on the smaller Gem’s shoulders.

                “Oh,” I was surprised, “Nice to meet you two, is something going on?”

Ruby squeezed Pearl’s hand as she moved to closer to me.  Pearl looked at the ground, took a deep breath, then locked eyes with me, “Will you teach me how to summon a weapon and fight? Please?  I know Ruby can fight and protect us, but I don’t want to have to rely on that.  I want to protect myself, I want to protect me, and I want to protect my new home.  I want to show everyone that pearls can do anything and everything they put their minds to, because we have our own thoughts and desires, just like you have!  And I want to prove to myself I can do it too!”

                A huge, toothy, smile I couldn’t contain spread across my face and I was sure my excitement likely showed in my eyes as well.  Before I could answer, a small fire started at Ruby’s feet.  Pearl quickly scooped her up and put the small flames out with her foot while scolding, “Ruby!  We talked about this; almost everything in here is flammable!”

Ruby blushed, “Sorry! It’s just, you’re so hot when you’re passionate about something!  I couldn’t contain myself.”

Pearl blushed and pressed her forehead into Ruby’s, “Oh, what am I going to with you,” she squeezed and winked mischievously, “also, you’re obviously the hot one.”

                I blushed and looked away from the flirting couple, waiting for it to dawn on them they were still in public.  Steven was excitedly watching with his hands under his chin and his feet swinging and Connie was looking away.  If they both weren’t worn out from the fight I imagined Steven would be jumping up and down and asking tons of questions.  Garnet had the same expression on her face as when Stevonnie first formed, and I chuckled.  The sound must have snapped the couple out of their revere.

“O-oh, right, so,” Pearl cleared her throat as her face and shoulders turned dark pink from embarrassment and placed an equally flushed Ruby back to the ground.

To break the tension I spoke, “I would be honored to train you Pearl.”

                This caused both of Pearl’s hands to go to her face and a nervous laugh, “Th-thank you.  It’s weird that _you_ addressed _me_ as Pearl.”

I instinctively clasped my hands and looked away, “W-well, we aren’t on Homeworld.  I’ll certainly call you something else if it’s more comfortable to you, as long as it’s not Morganite’s.”

“Oh hell no!” Ruby squawked.

Pearl placed a hand on Ruby’s shoulder, “Morganite’s is absolutely out of the question.  I didn’t just mean Homeworld protocol though.  It’s, I mean, you’re _The Legendary Pearl_.  Since I first emerged, I’ve listened to the whispered tales to of your accomplishments from the other pearls.  The Diamond Pearl that broke free and was a Diamond Pearl no more.  The terrifying renegade who took down teams of quartz soldiers twice her size with her very own weapon.  The pearl that fused with other Gems to form the Laughing Crusher, the Fortress Buster, and the One-Gem Army!  We even had a saying amongst ourselves to encourage those who were struggling, wanting, acting, pleasing.  Our owners always thought we were just reminding each other to act on their behalf, but really we were reminding each other that there was a pearl doing as she wanted, acting on her own, doing whatever she pleased, and that we are powerful.”

                My face burned hot.  I had always figured that any rumors of me would have been suppressed by Homeworld or distorted in their propaganda machine, or just not considered important enough to repeat.

Garnet crossed her arms and grinned, “Wait, back up, the Laughing Crusher?”

Pearl nodded, “Yes, rumor said she was a giant with a massive hammer who never stopped telling jokes!  She turned the tide of a battle once when separated from the other rebels.”

“Oh,” I laughed, “Sardonyx!  That’s my fusion with Garnet.  I’m guessing the Fortress Buster would be my fusion with Bismuth since the only thing to do together we enjoyed more than forging giant weapons was using our combined knowledge to destroy structural defenses on bases we launched attacks on.  By process of elimination I suppose that makes One-Gem Army my fusion with Rose.”

                “You probably earned that nickname when Yellow and Blue set that trap for the two of you but Rainbow took out the two battalions instead,” Garnet added.

I felt Sheena’s hand on my shoulder and she whispered, “Wow, I knew I was dating a bad ass, but I didn’t realize you were a legendary bad ass.”

“Oh!” Pearl brightened, “I know, would you mind calling me Rhodes?”

Ruby jumped, “Yeah! And I can be Nite!”

Rhodes nodded, “Sounds good dear.”

I placed my hands on my hips, “All right then Rhodes, I will be busy the rest of today, but we could start training tomorrow.”

“Uh,” Sheena’s hand moved to my waist, “actually I was hoping we could go on our first official date tomorrow.”

                “The day after tomorrow then,” I said.

Rhodes nodded and gave a quick bow, “Thank you again! I look forward to learning.”

Stephen finally stood up and started talking to Rhodes and Nite so I led Sheena by the hand towards the Warp Pad.  As I passed Garnet I asked her, “Do you think Amethyst will want to talk to me later tonight?”

Garnet gave me a thumbs up, “She’ll be ready by then.  That reminds me, I promised we would form Sugilite later today.”

I stiffened a little without really meaning to.

“Don’t worry, we won’t lose control, and we both agreed we won’t try to beat you up this time,” for a second a saw a brief blush on her cheeks.

“Heh, try to you say, my nose ended up broken from that scrap too, but it is only fair since we formed Sardonyx just for fun.  I’ll have my cell phone on me if you need me sooner though.”

 

I led Sheena on the Warp Pad.  She was still nervous about warping.  The second and third time we warped wasn’t as disastrous, but she had yet to be level with the ground.  I grabbed both of her hands, “Okay, remember, just hold on to me and only make small movements to adjust.”

She nodded, “Right. Um, maybe we should you know, synch up?  You could show me how to do it then.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea, hold on,” I focused and my gem glowed.  Sheena was nervous, but calmed once our thoughts mingled, “here we go.”  With a flash of light we were at the Warp Pad closest to her apartment. I smiled and broke to mental connection.

                We stopped by a store on our way to where she lived to get hair dye that matched her eyes.  Once in her apartment she had me lay on my stomach on her couch so she could unfold a large ice pack on my back and then handed me a sandwich bag with ice wrapped in a towel for my nose.  It actually did help with the pain.  She left to her room and showered.  Once she got out, we made a little set-up in her dining room since it didn’t have carpet and I cut her hair.  It was quite singed in a few spots on the back she had me shave it close and then shave one side up to a side part.  The rest was left long; although I had to trim it a little to get rid of some burnt parts.

                Next she walked me through the hair dying process.  It took a while to get each section covered in the dye and tin foiled, but I enjoyed the task and it allowed us to talk about a lot of things.  We had tea while waiting for the dye.  She showered again and dried her hair.  She called out to me to close my eye and I did.

I felt her arms around my waist, settling clasped in the small of my back.  I couldn’t help but smile as I smelled her lavender scented shampoo, intoxicating so close and without any visual stimulus.

“You can open your eyes now,” she said.

I did.   The long part of her hair was soft and fluffed and the vibrant green looked absolutely stunning with her eyes like I imagined, it was a nice contrast next to the short naturally dark brown shaved part too.

                “Soooo, what do you think, do you like it?”

My mind stumbled over words as I felt the heat return to my chest.  I tried to form words but couldn’t so I just nodded emphatically, then finally managed to squeak out, “Gorgeous!”

A smile spread across her entire face and we kissed.  The heat grew in my chest until it felt tight.  I remembered the sensation from when we were synched earlier and started wondering if this was what physical attraction felt like.  I decided to not worry about it as our lips parted and wrapped my arms around her.  I gently started shifting her until we were slow dancing to nothing but the sounds of our own breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I survived midterms woooo. Now then, a whole chapter dedicated to Pearl and Sheena working things out. Hopefully not too boring. Also, looking forward to turning the Pearl part of Rhodonite into a complete bad ass. I have an idea for what her weapon will be, but haven’t completely decided. Aaaaaand, I keep having to remind myself this fanfic is rated T for teen haha. Hope you enjoyed!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look, I'm not good at summaries haha. Fun date and then shit happens.

**Sheena**

I was nervous. Really nervous. It was kind of silly. Yeah, this was our first official date, but we had already kissed and been together for a while now, and gone through some heavy stuff. I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “Alright, this is going to be fine. Just a date, no biggie. She's already into you. You got this.”

There was a quiet knocking at the door. I gulped and took another deep breath before opening it.

 

“Hey,” Pearl yelped, and then smiled, her brows knitted and hands fidgeting, looking as nervous as I felt. Her fingers fluttered and then settled clasped together and resting on her lower abdomen.

“You're wearing jeans and boots,” I noted, smiling at the acid washed, high-waisted jeans and black Doc Marten-esque boots, “and your sash is gone.”

“Y-yes, Amethyst suggested I may want to look more human in my attire for today. She tried to get me in a jacket as well again, but I couldn't find one that fit my style.”

I looked her up and down as I grabbed my helmet and felt my face flush a little, “Well, you look good. I mean, you always look _good_ , but like...yeah you'll stand out less amongst us organics.” _Really Sheena?_ I thought to myself, _great start_.

 

Pearl blushed back, “Th-thanks,” then nervous giggles burst out of her, “Oh, this is so silly, I'm an anxious wreck for some reason,” her clasped hands moved to her chest.

I smiled as I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. I pulled Pearl close and kissed her gem, “Not silly at all. Honestly I was in there giving myself a pep talk.”

Pearl wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder with a heavy sigh, “Well, at least we both know this is important to us,” then she pulled away and grabbed my hand.

I laughed and started leading her to my bike, “That's one way to look at it.”

 

We started the date off at a tea house that was only a fifteen minute drive from my apartment. I got a sandwich with my tea since this was the only food stop I had planned due to Pearl's disinterest in eating. We ended up playing checkers since the shop had a small collection of board games to play and she knew it. Of the three games we played, she won two, and I surprised her, and myself, by winning the last one. Chatting with her slowly melted my apprehension and I noticed her stance became looser and she started talking with her hands again instead of keeping them clasped together between her pieces on the board.

 

Next stop was a roller skating rink. It dawned on me as I turned into the parking lot that I had never really taken anyone else to the rink; it had been my personal sanctuary for years. Even when I lived on the street as a teen I had a place. Old Mark took pity on me and let me skate an hour before closing and then I would help him clean up and he would give me a little money or food until he went out of business when the economy took a downturn. The only time I ever stopped skating was the last two years I was with my ex, when he was the most controlling and suspicious.

 

I inwardly chided myself when tears started to form in my eyes as I parked.

“Sheena?” Pearl's voice was soft as she gave me a gentle squeeze, her arms had already been wrapped around me for the drive.

I laughed, nervous and more at myself than anything, “Sorry,” I scrubbed my eyes, “this is one of my favorite places. A place I always felt safe and could relax, but...I suppose it's tied with times in my life when I wasn't happy and it was my escape. I just...didn't think it was gonna hit me like this. I've been to this skating rink loads of time since my life has gotten better without issue.” 

 

I felt my chest get tight. I was ruining this, it was supposed to be a nice time and I was getting emotional. I squeezed my eyes shut and my hands trembled as I waited for the fallout. Pearl hadn't yelled at me yet but I expected her to. I shook my head, that wasn't fair to her, that's what  _he_ would have done but Pearl was nothing like him. I started thinking, “ _Stop it, you're fine, you're overreacting, this is nothing, reign it in._ ”

 

Pearl rested her chin on my shoulder, “Well...it sounds like this is a place that is very important to you and I'm honored you want to share it with me, but, if you're uncomfortable we can go somewhere else.”

I smiled and rested my head on her's, our helmets clinking together. Her body wasn't exactly warm, but it wasn't cold either, and there was a surprising weight to it, comforting at the moment to have guarding my back and grounding me in the present, “You're amazing,” I whispered.

Pearl paused, “because I want you to be comfortable and have fun?”

I chuckled again, “Yeah, honestly. That is something that was lacking in my last relationship. It was all about trying to make him happy, and do everything he wanted. I felt like I deserved when he got angry, and I guess...I mean, I know it was damaging an unhealthy and not normal but I can't help but expect those extreme reactions outta people still,” I sighed, “working on that bit.”

 

Pearl gave me another squeeze, “What do you think you've done that could possibly anger me?”

“Just, taking you here to have fun and then starting to cry. Sean would have hated that. Not that he would have let me plan a date...or drive. I had to stop going roller skating actually because he thought I was cheating on him, beat the living hell out of me once for it and said, well, a lot of things, so I just stopped.”

“That's horrible Sheena,” she shifted a little, “I promise I will never do that to you.”

I placed my hands on top of hers, “I know, I know, I really do. I'm not entirely sure why I'm having a reaction like this. I guess because...I've never shared this with anyone,” I gestured to the building, “roller skating I mean. You're the first one I've wanted to share it with...the first person I trust enough. And hey,” I felt a smile on my face and a calm return as Pearl intertwined our fingers together, “this is a place the I am mostly graceful. Mostly,” I laughed, “not completely.”

 

Pearl lifted her head and smiled at me, “I have no idea what this roller skating is, but I am excited to see it. Especially if you get to show off a bit.”

“Oh, I'm sure you'll be a natural at it,” I took my helmet off and shook out my hair a bit. For a moment I was slightly shocked at the color since I was still getting used to it. 

Pearl ran her fingers through my hair a little and tidied it, “This color really does look good on you.”

I grinned, “Yeah, the hair dresser did a good job, she's real cute too.”

Pearl blushed and took off her helmet, “Why thank you, hard not to do a good job with someone as pretty as you,” she rubbed her gem and grimaced a little.

 

“You alright?” I tensed, worried her gem was hurting because of an attack from White Diamond or something.

“Hm? Oh,” she stored the helmet away, “yes, the helmet just falls on my gem a little oddly and is somewhat uncomfortable.”

“Ah, gotcha, well, maybe sometime we can go up to Empire City and I can take you to my favorite place and get you a better helmet. Oh, and I can take you to the symphony or a ballet there too. I'll have to save up a bit, but we can make a whole weekend of it, nice hotel, the works.”

Pearl smiled, “Sounds lovely,” she gestured towards the building, “shall we then.”

I smirked and got off the bike, holding my arm to her with a slight bow, “We shall.”

 

The second we were inside I felt excitement and nostalgia replace all other feelings. The place looked like the 90s had never ended, they even had purple carpet with random brightly colored shapes, like orange triangles, teal squiggles and yellow squares. The band currently playing over the sound system was a grunge band from the 90s too. There was a faint smell of cigarette smoke from back when that was allowed inside the building and the lighting was warm but dim. On the left side were a handful of bowling lanes, a small food area that had sodas, nachos, and hot dogs, and six pool tables. On the right side was the skating rink. Since it was summer, they were decently busy. Not as busy as they would have been when I was a kid and teen, but apparently enough to keep them afloat.

 

I went over to the station in the middle and paid the entry fee, Pearl had my skates in her gem so I didn't rent any for me, but after asking Pearl if she wanted to rent a pair she thought and then nodded, mentioning since she was already wearing pants and boots she might as well. Pearl had to refer to her boots for the size she needed and then the bored teenager manning the station handed her a pair of neon pink and green roller skates with a small circular emblem with the place's name on it “On a  _Roll_ ” the word roll italicized and the O looked like a wheel. We walked through the door that separated the roller rink from the rest of the activities and fond a place to sit and put on or roller skates.

 

As expected, it didn't take Pearl long at all to get the hang of it. After I showed her a few basics I started really skating, going backwards, doing spins, figure eights, just letting myself get into it. Pearl fell on her first attempt at a spin, but she was back up and trying again before I made it over to help her. I smiled and did a quick lap, staying more towards to middle to avoid the handful of kids hovering or clinging to the wall as they tried to get the hang of skating. As I came up behind Pearl, I sped up a little and then slowed down and turned slightly so I was next to her and grabbed her hand.

 

Pearl was a little startled, but once she saw it was me she smiled. We did a few laps hand in hand. Then the music stopped and and an announcement boomed over the speaker, “Alright ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, time for a change of scenery, a blast from the past, retro reminder that science is rad! That's right, it's time for Roll 'n' Glow!”

Pearl raised an eyebrow. One of the kids clinging to the wall whooped and put her hands up in the air, which caused her to fall. The lights turned off for a moment and then the blacklight buzzed on, circles of white light also danced around and the music changed to disco. 

 

“Oh, the lighting is making the phosphors in you shirt and these jeans and skates luminescent,” Pearl noted.

I chuckled, “Your gem is lit up like a beacon too. I'm surprised your shirt isn't, then again, I guess it's just a construction of light.”

Pearl looked a little alarmed, “Your teeth are glowing as well,” she looked at the children as they excitedly chatted about what was and wasn't glowing and another one fell, “so is the purpose of this to make roller skating more challenging?”

“Nah,” I shrugged, “it's just fun. I suppose it's kinda gimmicky, but neat to see what glows and what doesn't.”

Pearl nodded and we continued, no longer holding hands since Pearl was trying more difficult and fancy maneuvers. 

 

After fifteen minutes or so, Pearl skated backwards, her hands behind her, and she just looked around a bit, observing and soaking in the atmosphere. I took off full speed and then braked hard next to Pearl, scooping her in my arms and doing a spin. Pearl yelped and then chuckled and kissed me. I forgot to keep my focus on my balance and we went tumbling to the ground. Pearl laughed, and I blushed from embarrassment and how hardy Pearl was laughing. I think it was the most jovial and booming laugh I had heard from her and there was something about that which made it so attractive.

Pearl grinned at me and said with a wink, “I've been told I'm a good kisser, but I don't think I've ever knocked anyone off their feet with a kiss before.”

 

I threw my head back as I laughed too, her switch between bravado and meekness always caught me off guard. We both got back on our feet and I said, “I knew there was no way you hadn't ever kissed anyone else with how good you are at it.”

Pearl shrugged, “Well, you're only the third one I've kissed, but still have a a few thousands years of practice.”

“Third one,” I wobbled a little, but then steady myself, my tailbone was very angry at the fall, “Who are the other two?”

We skated slowly side by side and I steady heading to the exit. Pearl grabbed my hand, “Well, Rose of course, although she isn't the one who told me I was a good kisser. That was another dear friend. Honestly in hindsight I loved her too, she was our blacksmith for the rebellion, Bismuth.”

“Was she also big with pink hair?” I joked.

Pearl blushed, “I, well, kinda, rainbow hair though. Let's change the subject,” she looked away towards the ground.

 

I nodded and moved to the carpet, “Well after that little tumble I think I'm done with skating for the day, have you ever gone bowling or played pool?”

Pearl followed me and we sat down and started switching back to our boots, “I have actually been bowling, we went once with Steven for one of his birthdays. I thought pool required water and was called swimming though?”

I grinned, “Well, a small area of water to swim in is called a pool, but this is different, no water or swimming involved. I bet you'll like it too.” I suddenly became aware of two middle age ladies watching us. I glanced over, afraid for a second that they would be glaring, but found they were smiling at us and holding hands. When they saw me looking one gave me a thumbs up and the other gave her a gentle smack on the arm. They looked like they were going to start bickering when the little girl that had been excited about the blacklights yelled, “Moms! Moms! Look! I haven't held onto the wall for three whole laps and I haven't fallen!”

 

I blushed and smiled, relieved they weren't against the fact Pearl and I were clearly dating and not just friends. I had never had an issue with hate here, but I'd also never brought a date. I held out my hand to Pearl and started leading her back to the counter. She discreetly stored my skates back in her gem when we were out of sight. After we returned her skates I paid for an hour to use one of the pool tables. I walked Pearl through the basics and she became excited when she noted it was a combination of geometry and physics. I happen to be very good so I won the first game quite soundly. Pearl gave me a run for my money the second game though. She was a quick study. Third one I thought she might actually win since I ended up messing up my shots with the eight ball more than usual. Fourth game I started having her call her shots like I had been the entire time and we ended up neck and neck. She pulled ahead but missed her final shot and I cleared the table easily. 

 

“Well,” Pearl placed the balls back into the tray since our time was up, “we'll certainly have to play this again. Going to win one of these days, just you wait.”

I placed the sticks back and chuckled, “Oh, I don't doubt that. I am very good though, so you're gonna have to work for it.”

We returned the tray to the counter and then walked back out to my bike. It was evening although the sun was nowhere near setting.

“What next?” Pearl asked as she brought out the helmet I had bought her after our last bike ride.

“This was all I had planned, buuuut,” I fished my helmet out of my bike's compartment, “if you don't have any plans we could go back to my place and just cuddle up on the couch and watch TV or something.”

Pearl smiled, “Cuddling on the couch it is then.”

 

** Pearl **

I returned to The Temple late the next morning after spending the night with Sheena. Steven and Garnet were both excited and asked me a ton of questions. After we chatted in depth Rhodonite joined us and unfused so Rhodes and I could have our first training session. Garnet unfused too to keep Nite company and Steven got excited and gathered Amethyst and Peridot so they could have a “Super Shorty Squad Adventure.” As expected, Rhodes wasn't able to summon her own weapon yet, but I told her my own experience with drawing my weapon for the first time and that every Gem was different, she would just have to discover her own way. After that I began doing very basic drills with her. We mainly worked on foot work and balance and I had her hold a blade in one hand so she would start getting used to holding it ready to parry or strike and become accustomed to the weight. I let her keep the sword for now so she could practice on her own if she wanted and we determined a schedule. For now we would meet on different days than my training with Connie and Steven, but once she became more experienced I would have her join them.

 

The next month and a half was mostly uneventful. I helped Peridot rebuild T.A.S.E. And the bot now was active in the Kindergarten to alert us of any strange activity. Rhodes had yet to summon her own weapon, but she was progressing quite nicely, we had even started drilling some basic blocks and attacks and she was about ready for more. Amethyst and I went back to the town she had shown me to hang out with Rodrigo and Hank. They gave us a tour of all the hideouts and we ended up roped into a mission. A few people had gone missing around town the past couple of weeks and one of their friends ended up wrapped up in it. Ended up being a Corruption stuck in a mine that a few locals believed to be the fulfilling of an old cult prophecy. Unfortunately we were only found two of the four missing humans alive.

 

I began spending more and more time at Sheena's apartment. I even started keeping things there, small projects, a few swords, clothes that she bought for me. It was nice, becoming closer with her. We had plenty more in depth conversations about the past, our vision of the future, worries of the present. It became easier to sync up with her as well and we had even started letting or minds meld more completely. Sometimes it almost felt too good to be true. We did have another argument though. She went into this odd tireless mode where she shut almost everything out, zeroed in on work or a side project she didn't tell me much about. 

 

At first I thought maybe she was just stressed, then I began worrying she was mad at me. Once I noticed she wasn't taking care of herself like eating, drinking water, or sleeping I asked her what was going on. She snapped at me and went for a drive at first, but apologized when she came back and explained that sometimes she struggle with depression, sometimes she would have an abundance of energy and focus and impulsiveness, and sometimes it would be a mixture of the two. I didn't fully understand, but I started doing little things like giving her a glass of water, or some food here and there, and suggesting we go for a ride to get her out of her head a bit.

 

While Sheena was at work I joined the Gems for a mission. It was supposed to be a simple find and bubble a Corruption mission. We found the Corruption easily enough, but once surrounded another Corruption appeared, splitting Steven and myself away from Garnet and Amethyst. There was a fierceness and desperation to protect each other that made these Corruptions much more dangerous than usual. 

 

Everything happened so fast. Garnet and Amethyst were still fighting the other Corruption. Steven was struggling to keep his bubble up as it cracked under the strength of the larger Corruption's jaw. I had been knocked back and my arm twisted. I didn't have time to react to keep Steven out of danger. Steven closed his eyes and strained as the bubble started to lose its shape.

 

“STOP!” I yelled, and my gem glowed. The world was very confusing for a moment. Everything was white and hundreds of voices screamed in my head, then all I could hear was a sound, one I remembered all too well. It accompanied the light that Corrupted all the Gems on Earth. Then there was a voice, “Pearl?”

“Citrine,” I recognized the voice instantly despite the passage of years and how little I had interacted with her. She was half of another permafusion, Ametrine, and it dawned on me the other Corruption was the amethyst she was usually fused with.

 

Thoughts and feelings from Citrine started flooding through me as questions tumbled from her, “Where's Amethyst? Where am I? What am I? What is that noise? Pearl, what, what happened, Homeworld was leaving and then there was a light and this sound and then I- I don't know, it's all jumbled!? What's going on?”

My head pounded from the onslaught, “Ci-citrine, hold on, it's too much. You're...Corrupted, the Diamonds, they Corrupted everyone except Rose, Garnet, and myself. We've been on Earth, protecting it, gathering everyone and keeping them in stasis until...”

“Corrupted? What is, oh, I can see how you see us. I'm, I'm a monster...me and Amethyst, we're both...why hasn't Rose healed us? Why are we-”

 

The light snapped into darkness and I was in pain. My ears rang and I became aware of the grass my knees were on and the caress of the wind. I blinked a few times as the darkness faded to the vibrant colors of a living earth and felt a gentle kiss on my cheek. The pain in my arm and head disappeared. I looked at Steven and realized he was talking to me but I couldn't understand. Then everything was concrete again.

“I-I, what happened?”

 

Garnet crouched down next to me and Amethyst looked as she bubbled Citrine's gem and sent her to The Temple.

“The Corruption was about to burst my bubble,” Steven babbled, “and you yelled stop, and your gem and eyes glowed and it's gem glowed too and it actually did stop. Then you mumbled a few things.”

I moved a shaky hand to my gem, “I...I was in her mind. I was talking with her. Not at first though, at first there was just...so many voices, it sounded like when everyone started to reform on  _that_ day,” I looked at Garnet, “like they're all connected and howling as they try to figure out what happened, and there was that sound, that dissonant chord that accompanied the three Diamond's lights.”

 

I felt Garnet's hands and either side of my face as she inspected my gem closely, then she started looking across my body, her face was neutral, but there was a slight frantic edge to her movements until she completed her inspection, “Well, I don't see any signs of Corruption on you at least.”

I nodded slowly, “Good, I don't feel any different, just a little...overwhelmed and disoriented,” I felt tears sting my eyes, “she was so confused Garnet, and worried about her partner. All of them, all our comrades, our friends, they must all be,” I choked on a sob and Garnet pulled me to her chest and into a tight hug. I felt a tear fall from her face, “I know, I know Pearl, that's why we have to get them all in bubbles, safe in stasis, until we can find a cure or any way to help them.”

 

Steven and Amethyst remained silent. I realized they probably didn't know what to say, to them the Corruptions had always been just that, Corruptions. They weren't there the day all of their minds were shattered, they didn't see them as twisted forms of their long-lost companions. Garnet, Rose, and I use to all struggle with it so much. Over the centuries we started becoming numb to it, pushing the anguish further and further into ourselves. We never talked about it with each other, and now it was just Garnet and me. I squeezed Garnet again, “If we're done here, I would like to be home.”

 

The walk to the Warp Pad was silent. Steven kept glancing at me, worried but unsure what to say. Eventually he just matched my pace, slow since my feet felt heavy, and he held my hand. He didn't let go when we reached the Warp Pad, and he held tight as it activated and the stream took us home. The portrait of Rose above to door jumped out to me for some reason. I stared at it and then an idea came to me.

“Pearl?” Steven asked, jolting me back to the present. Garnet and Amethyst were already off the Warp Pad.

I cleared my throat, “I, um, I think I'm going to go to Sheena's apartment, wait for her to come home.”

He frowned, “Are you going to be okay by yourself?”

I nodded, “Of course, I think, I think it's what I need for a bit.”

 

Reluctantly he got off the Warp Pad and I warped away. I auto-piloted to Sheena's apartment and let myself in with the spare key she had given me. I made myself tea and sat on the couch, not really doing anything else except thinking. When Sheena came home she immediately saw something was wrong. I told her what happened, and after assuring her I was fine, I told her something else that was on my mind. Something I was scared to tell the others, but desperately needed to if I could. Something I honestly should have already tried to since I gained the ability to block orders. I was relieved and even more nervous when I was able to tell her. She was shocked, but processed the new information quickly. Then she helped me with the plan to tell everyone else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo been awhile...my bad. Honestly just hit a wall where there was so much I wanted to write but I really wanted to also get to the main plot and then I started getting into other story ideas. I realize this chapter probably feels rushed, but that's because I just had to push through all of that to get past the block. Hopefully I'll update this a little more frequently, but I am quite busy. Eventually I gotta do some rewrites on old chapters too, but I'll do that later. Thanks for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl shares a ground-breaking secret.

**Pearl**

I was nervous. Terrified really. I knew I had to do this. I had been wanting to for so long and yet unable. Now that I could though...I was scared of how they would all react. Sheena placed a hand on my back, “Pearl, they're your family, it may cause problems, but eventually it will be all right.”

I nodded and took a deep breath, “Right. First things first.”

I pulled Bismuth's bubbled gem from my gem. I had snuck it out of the Burning Room and the others I needed to show them something but I had to get a few things ready. I figured I would be able to get through to Bismuth one-on-one, but I also knew that sometimes once she had set her mind to something there was no going back, it was a trait we shared and admired in each other after all.

 

I popped Bismuth's bubble and let her gem fall into my hand. It started glowing and hovered into the air as she reformed. I couldn't contain a tear and a smile as I watched her land on her feet, shocked and in a fighting stance, “Hey Bis.”

Bismuth looked around, “Pearl? What's going on? Where am I? Who-”

I held up a hand and she paused so I could speak, “A lot has happened since the last time I saw you. Most importantly though Bismuth, I need you to understand that Steven is _not_ Rose. Rose is gone. Sometimes he'll say something that will remind you off her, but he really isn't _her_ , he's just Steven.”

Bismuth blushed, “So, he really told you everything then?”

 

I nodded, “Yes, and...you weren't entirely wrong. Your idea that shattering Pink Diamond would end the war the war was...correct, and I certainly can understand your anger towards the Diamond Authority. There was key information you were missing though, that really everyone was missing. Regardless though, Yellow, Blue and White retaliating is what caused all our comrades to become Corrupted.”

 

“Wait...are you saying Rose ended up listening to me? She stabbed me in the back for suggesting it and then she shattered Pink Diamond? And what is Corruption?”

I projected a quartz shifting to a Corrupted form and explained, “When Garnet and I told you we were wiped out, we didn't mean everyone else was shattered physically. Some were, but mostly the attack shattered their minds, and forced them all to take on violent and perverse forms of themselves. We've barely seen signs of their former selves, they are more just husks filled with rage and raw instinct. As for your first question, yes, and no, it's a bit complicated. That's why I want you here though. I haven't been able to tell the full truth, but now I can and I want all of you to know. I hope once it's all out, things will change for the better. Please Bismuth, just...give us a chance? Please?”

 

Bismuth sighed, “Aw c'mon Pearl, you know I will always give you a chance to change my mind. The others are willing to forgive me even though I, uh, well, got overzealous and then I attacked Steven?”

“Uhhhhhh, well,” I gulped, “I'm sure Steven will. I may have gone against Garnet's orders by releasing you though...her Future Vision for you was too clouded, and she is a little slower to forgive. I think she'll come around though as long as you aren't a threat to Steven.”

Bismuth laughed and placed her hands on her hips, “Little rebel through and through aren't ya?”

I blushed and shrugged, “I'm just trying to do what's right.”

 

Bismuth frowned and walked over to me, gently tilting my chin up and staring intently at my face, “You said a lot happened, what? Specifically, what happened to you?”

My blush intensified and eyes grew wide, “Wh-what, how did you?”

Bismuth let her hand fall to her side, “Pearl, we were practically inseparable unless you were with Rose, I can read your face like a book. Now tell me what happened.”

 

I wrung my hands and then suddenly remembered I wasn't alone, “Oh, before we get to that, there was a good development, Bismuth,” I turned and saw Sheena was blushing, “this is my girlfriend Sheena.”

“Whaaaaaaat? You, dating a human? She's hot too, damn Pearl, full of surprises,” Bismuth elbowed me playfully and walked over to Sheena, holding her hand out.

I raised an eyebrow as I noticed Sheena was flustered, “H-ha, you're pretty good looking yourself. I- I like your hair,” Sheena briefly frowned at herself and shook Bismuth's hand her face flushed further, “Oh wow you are really strong too.”

Bismuth laughed, “Thanks doll, glad someone is around to make sure Pearl is taking care of herself.”

Sheena shrugged and tucked her hair behind her ear, “Th-that's more a mutual thing.”

 

I walked over and wrapped my arm around Sheena, she gave me a quick hug.

Bismuth grinned and then got serious, “Well, glad there was a good development, now what was the bad one?”

I looked at the ground and told her about White Diamond and my new powers. Bismuth had started crying, she tried wiping away the tears and then pulled me into a tight hug.

I started crying too and jested, “C'mon Bis, you know I can't take it when you cry like that.”

Bismuth laughed and let go, “Damn Renegade, using my own words against me,” she wiped her tears away, “glad you were able to get away from White again. Of course you ended up stronger than ever after. Now what's the other thing? The one making you so nervous you're falling back hard on your old Homeworld habit of clasped hands to stop them from fidgeting?”

 

I looked at my hands and blushed when I saw she was right, “Guess some programming is harder to shake than others.”

Sheena frowned, “I knew the hand clasping was a nervous thing, didn't realize it was Homeworld conditioning too.”

I nodded, “Fidgeting is considered distracting and pearls aren't supposed to be seen unless ordered,” I realized my hands were now playing with my sash, but I allowed the movement to continue, “it was the common thing I was punished for under White, that and talking out of turn.” I waved my hand through the air to dismiss the thought, then pulled my cell phone out of my gem, “To answer your question Bismuth, it's time to bring everyone else here.”

 

There was some tension at first, but Bismuth apologized and I did too for springing her return on them. Garnet was a little irritated about the lack of communication, but she also seem to understand my level of anxiety was very high. Garnet gave Bismuth a good stare down as well, but seemed satisfied our rainbow-haired friend really believed Steven was his own being and regretted attacking him. Steven was quick to forgive as usual, and then had her promise to him that she wouldn't make another weapon that was designed to shatter a gem.

 

Once that was out of the way they all turned to me. A jolt of fear shot through my form and I looked at the ground, noticing clasped hands again. I frowned and moved my hands to my side, fists clenching tight, and held my head high, “Follow me.”

I led them all into Pink's Palanquin. My hands shook as they went to the controls. I had been here the previous day to set things up, so I knew the system I needed was still functional despite the damage from the passage of time. I brought up the holographic record I wanted to show and an image of Rose and myself in my Pink Diamond outfit holding Rose's sword appeared behind the throne.

 

Amethyst snickered, “What is this, a confession you used to have a horrible fashion sense?”

I blushed and crossed my arms, “Hey, I did not choose that outfit, it was ordered to be a combination of colors to represent the diamond I was made for and the style of the diamond I was being lent to. Besides, it's not that bad, it just...doesn't really fit who I am.”

I looked at Amethyst and saw her roll her eyes as she replied, “Right, so it's all White and Pink's fault.”

I also saw how stiff her stance was, a telltale sign her ribbing was because she was just as nervous as everyone else in the room. The tension slapped me back to the task at hand, “I...I really don't know how to preface what I'm about to show you. Just...please, try not to jump to conclusions. I can't tell you how to feel of course, and I know this is going to shake all of you to your core but, just, I... things were very complicated, and there was a lot going on no one knew, and there was a lot that happened before that was hidden as well. You all deserve the truth though.”

 

I hit the controls and the recording played out. It was odd seeing and hearing my past self, making me suddenly aware of how young I really was back then. Sheena came over and held my hand as my past self briefly voiced uncertainty about the plan before relenting after Rose said she wanted to live on Earth with me. There was an audible gasp from everyone when Rose transformed. They all then watched in stunned silence as the rest of the recording played out. I noticed Sheena's grip on my hand tightened so much it vaguely ached when Pink Diamond placed my hands on my mouth and ordered my silence. I gently squeezed back and looked up at Sheena, seeing her jaw clench and tears in her eyes. She looked back at me and loosened her grip as she pressed a firm kiss to my temple.

 

A certain feeling of dread disconnecting me from my body washed over me when my past self transformed into Rose and grabbed her sword, then followed Pink out of the Palanquin. I started crying, feelings I had repressed about this choice for so long suddenly spilling out. The projection cut and I spoke, “Homeworld was a dead end for both of us. I was nothing more than a tool, a pretty thing no more autonomous than a high tech computer, and she was...she was nothing but a diamond to the others. She was different, she cared about things, wanted to experience the universe and understand the wonders of life and oddities it held, not destroy it and force it into something that fit into the Diamond Authority's idea of perfection. They would lock her away, punish her, or punish me or Pink Pearl to try to pressure her into her mold...she became too scared to trust anyone, too scared to do the things she loved. Then we came to Earth and, everything changed. We never planned to start a rebellion, but...”

 

Garnet suddenly interrupted, “No! She lied to us!” She glowed and split, Sapphire crying and arguing with Ruby, “We trusted her! Believed in her!”

The two went back and forth a little, until Sapphire stormed off. Bismuth and I tried to follow but we were met with a wall of ice and the glimmer of a fading warp once we broke through it. Ruby fell to her knees and sobbed. I felt awful, again I had broken Garnet apart, and I could tell everyone was struggling with how they felt about Rose. Bismuth, Steven, Sheena and I decided to try and find Sapphire so I could explain things further as Ruby and Amethyst returned to the house. For the second time as I walked out of Pink's Palanquin, I felt like my life was at the beginning of a massive change that I wasn't entirely prepared for.

 

**Bismuth**

Lava soothed my aching muscles that had been tense from the stress of the day. It was certainly a lot to take in all at once. I mindlessly began smithing various swords, tossing them in a pile since I knew I would likely melt them down again later. I thought about everything Pearl had said at the Palanquin and then Rose's Fountain where we found Sapphire. How Pink Diamond was as fake to Rose as being a diamond's pearl was to her, or just another builder was to me. How Yellow ignored Pink, Blue created the Zoo, and White had locked her in the Blackout Tower, confiscated the pearl officially created for her that was to replace Pearl, and punished Pearl, all to try to pressure her into her role and completing the colony. I thought about the genuine hatred Rose had for Pink Diamond when we discussed her, now knowing that really, it was herself she was hating.

 

I thought about the weapon I had designed to shatter Pink Diamond, showing it to Rose, how it must have confirmed every fear in her that she would never really be one of us and maybe even make her question if the rebellion had been the right thing to do. Confirming that she was unforgivable and didn't deserve to exist. I thought about the Corruptions, the retaliation that would have struck even if Rose and Pink weren't the same and I had gone through with my plan and shattered her. I had seen one while we were searching for Sapphire, I didn't even recognize her until I saw her gem, a kunzite who was shy to speak because of a bad stutter, but amazed us all anytime she decided to push through it and give us insight into how she saw the world.

 

I stopped and dropped the half-finished blade in my hand, suddenly imagining Rose's sword, the sword I had made for her, pierced through my back and out my chest. I thought about how she could have shattered me. I had been vulnerable, taken by surprise and without physical form, I had just threatened to shatter her and provided her the means to easily take me out. She didn't though, instead she hid me away in a bubble. I wished she had released me after the war...even if she had kept me in the dark about her past as Pink Diamond, if she had just told me she ended up shattering Pink I would have understood. I would have forgiven her, I could have been there for them...but she didn't. I walked over to the lava, stuck my head in it and screamed. It helped.

 

I slumped down to the ground leaning against my workbench and just staring at the lava flowing from the ceiling. I wasn't sure how long I had been there already, and I wasn't sure how much more time passed. Eventually, I decided I should check to go see if they had any luck finding Ruby and check in on Sapphire. I didn't move. A soft voice calling my name startled me.

I jumped to my feet, “H-hey Pearl, you caught me on a break, what's going on,” I wiped tears from my face I hadn't realized had fallen.

 

Pearl frowned, “I thought you would like to know, Ruby came back, they worked things out. They haven't formed Garnet again yet, but they're going to. They want to have a wedding.”

“Oh good,” I made a big show of sighing in relief, “they are like, my favorite couple after all, if they couldn't make things work, then man, that would have been a tragedy. And I'm sure they're gonna have the best wedding ever.”

Pearl smiled, “Steven does seem to have a plan to make that happen. I think he'll probably see you about it a little later too.”

“Oh, yeah, anything to help...what's a wedding?”

 

Pearl laughed and explained. We chatted for a while and then Pearl walked over to the pile of swords I had made earlier. She began organizing them, “I...I also wanted to check on how you're doing. I know I kinda...steamrolled you with a ton of information.”

“I,” I leaned on the anvil and sighed, “it is a lot. I don't really know how I feel about everything, but,” I smiled at her, “I'm happy to be back with all of you. Thanks for giving me another chance.”

Pearl chuckled, “It was the least I could do. I've certainly needed second chances myself over the millennia.”

 

There was a moment of silence.

“I get why she bubbled me,” I said slowly, “but...but I don't get why she didn't release me after the war. She could have just lied to me too and said she shattered Pink Diamond. Yeah sure, I would have still been a little upset with her taking me out but...but I would have gotten over that. All these years I could have been here for all of you, living, helping collect our friends and searching for a way to heal them. But she didn't even give me that choice. I get it, I got hot-headed with the whole wanting to shatter the diamonds, but I'm not so dense and unmalleable that I wouldn't have seen how it didn't work. I was just, angry, and tired of losing Gems, so many shattered rebel's dust are on the Diamond Authority's hands. Shattering one of them though, just made them angrier and feel more justified in shattering us. I guess eventually one side would have wiped the other out or we would have had to sit and talk. The more we shattered each other, the harder the talking got though. I don't know...I still think they deserve to suffer,” I clenched my fists, “after all they've done, they deserve.... _something._ I...I was tired of the war too though. I still love making weapons and armor, but I have to admit, it was starting to feel tedious, like I was just fulfilling a different purpose. And yeah, it was a just purpose, and it is a just cause...even if in some ways The Crystal Gems are just a sham, but, but...the whole point was so we could enjoy our freedom and individuality, and there was nothing enjoyable about watching our comrades shattered, captured and tortured, and the planet slowly decaying. I just wanted the war to be over so we could all move on.”

 

Pearl's slender hands rested on my back and forearm as she leaned her head on my shoulder, “None of this is easy...and I don't know any magical way to make it all better. I wish I did.”

I rested my cheek on her head and sighed, “Yeah...at least I get to try now though.”

“We aren't a sham,” Pearl squeezed, “freedom, wanting Gems to be whoever they truly are, protecting Earth, those aren't spoiled. I suppose...some of the foundation is based on a lie, a huge, important lie, and we certainly has a propaganda issue, but at its core...The Crystal Gems still shine bright. We fight for freedom, and forgiveness, and a better future. We all have a past we're moving on from, and we're stronger when we do it together. I wish...I wish Rose had been able to tell the truth herself. It always would have caused problems, but, I think more of us would have understood than she thought. She was so scared...oh I don't know. I suppose it doesn't really matter now anyways, she's gone, and we're left to pick up the pieces.”

 

We stayed leaning on each other for another silent movement, then I shifted, kissing her gem and moving my hand to intertwine it with one of hers, “Yeah. We are left with the pieces, so how bout we forge it into something even better than before. No more secrets, and you're right, we are still the Crystal Gems, and you know what, we'll get even stronger. We learn from our mistakes, we strive to be better than who we were in the past, we will make a difference.”

Pearl smiled and nodded, “That's the spirit Hot Hands.”

I burst out laughing at the nickname, “C'mon Renegade, let's head back to that crazy wood base and join our friends. And on the way,” I smirked and powered down The Forge, “you can tell me all about that girlfriend, little miss courting humans now.”

 

**Ruby**

Sapphire and I sat on the floor, leaning against Steven's bed and cuddled into each other. We were watching a western movie series Steven put on for us before he went with Amethyst to tell the other Gems about Rose. Pearl had warped out as well to take Sheena home and then talk to Bismuth. I had to admit, as much as I enjoyed being Garnet and looked forward to fusing on our wedding day, there was something so pure and comforting about this, just being together at each other's side.

 

While I was out doing the whole Ruby Rider thing I realized I really never attributed being Garnet with Rose. I mean, yeah, Rose and Pearl attacking the Sky Arena was the catalyst, but it wasn't the reason we fused. Sapphire and I certainly didn't know Rose when we decided to fuse again after we ran from the Diamonds. I always chose Garnet because I loved Sapphire, and I loved being Garnet. We had absolutely no inclination to join the rebellion when we fused the second time, no desire to even meet Rose, and I didn't care if Rose wanted us to fuse or not at that point.

 

Honestly, it surprised me how much Sapphire did attribute Garnet with Rose. All these years and I never realized how important that moment when Rose took our hands as Garnet and told us to never question who we were together was to Sapphire. It was a nice affirmation for me, but to Sapphire...to Sapphire it was a sudden guiding light on a strange path she found herself tossed on. Now though, now things would be different. We would really have a proper choice and ceremony, together always, even when we're separate.

 

I sighed and snuggled in to Sapphire more, bringing her hand to my face so I could kiss her gem. I suppose there was a lot I could have been angry about still, but I was just so happy. Yeah, it would have been nice if Rose had trusted us with the truth, especially when Steven tried to take her place at a trial for the shattering of Pink Diamond, and I was certainly miffed that as Garnet we spread the lie of Rose's origin, even recently to The Off Colors. But...after fighting by her side and spending thousands of years with her, I just couldn't find it in myself to doubt that Rose was her true self. I don't think her manipulations had malicious intentions either, although that didn't make them right.

 

I shrugged and decided to focus on the present again as Sapphire pulled my hand to her face and kissed my gem back. I brushed her hair from her face gently so I could stare into her gorgeous blue eye, “You're so beautiful.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me so her hands were clasped at the small of my back, “You're beautiful too. My burning flame of endless passion.”

I grinned, “My sparkling icicle of piercing brilliance.”

She giggled and smile broadened. Stars did I love making her laugh.

 

She pulled me in and kissed me hard, slipping her tongue in and eliciting a surprised but happy moan from me. I leaned in and gently pressed her on her back, moving with her so our lips never parted. Soon steam started rising as our elemental powers began countering each other, I finally pulled away from her lips, trailing kisses on her jaw towards her ear so I could whisper, “Maybe we should take this to one of our rooms in The Temple.”

“Oh, but then we'll miss the end of this movie,” Sapphire teased.

I kissed and sucked on her neck and then replied, “We can watch it later, or you can just tell me how it ends since you've no doubt already peeked,” I scooped her up and sprung to my feet. She squealed and laughed harder.

 

There was still a lot of worries and challenges looming in our future; we both knew it. At that moment though, as I jumped down the stairs and walked towards The Temple door, the only future we really cared about, was the one where we were together until the end of time itself. All our fears melted away as I opened up my room, long unused but still as I left it. The only thing that mattered was being here and now, wrapped in each other's arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....when I started this story it was prior to A Single Pale Rose. I had seen the Rose is Pink Diamond theory floating around but I kinda hoped it wouldn't be correct...and then it was. Originally, plot-wise, my theory was that Crystal Gem Pearl was originally White Pearl and was on loan, keeping Pink in check and then training the pearl that would replace her, and that White Diamond was unhappy with Pink because she is an Off Color (I still like a theory I've seen that Pink Diamond was supposed to be red, I also think she stayed in the ground longer like Amethyst and was supposed to emerge with Blue and Yellow...anyway). WD also knew Yellow and Blue had become attached to Pink, so they wouldn't be on board with dispatching her. Then the rebellion started and White saw an opportunity, she ordered Pearl to shatter Pink Diamond while transformed as Rose Quartz. Rose accidentally stumbles upon White giving the order and manages to stop Pearl after she has poofed Pink, fakes the shards, bubbles Pink's gem and hides it away in a chest (that one in Lion's mane) and tells Pearl and everyone that she shattered Pink Diamond, kind of a, Pearl is always protecting me, but this time, I'm going to protect her move. Also, after A Single Pale Rose, my gut was to stick with my original wrong theory since I never thought I would be predicting canon as it was. Buuuuuuuut, then as the new episodes came out Rose formerly being Pink starting growing on me more and giving me writing ideas, so I decided to switch to it for this story. May go back and edit some things, but I also already had a plan for the “Pink Diamond” shards I already introduced being fake so I don't think it's too disjointed. Not that I'm on-canon in any way, shape, or form as it is haha. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter, I wanted to explore some different perspectives on the revelation and I wanted Bismuth to be back so decided to do it all in one, especially since in this story Pearl is no longer bound to orders.


	23. UPDATE ON THIS FIC

Not a chapter, but wanted to give a heads up on the future of this fic. SO, I don't particularly enjoy writing in first person. Honestly not sure why I chose first person perspective in the first place, I really don't. Back when this idea was new and gonna be this short little mini series it was okay, but now that it's much longer and bigger than the idea I started with it's causing me to struggle a lot writing chapters and killing motivation. Also, since this was written before ASPR and Diamond Days there are things I want to change and incorporate. Aaaaaaand some things I just want to change or get rid of all together. After a lot of debate, I've decided to re-write this completely before continuing on. Yep, ALL of it. It's quite an undertaking but I think it's for the best. Haven't 100% decided what I'm gonna do with this version. I may leave it up and post the re-write as a re-write, I may delete this version and post the rewrite on its own, and I may also just replace the chapters (not leaning towards this option though). If you really like this version, I recommend downloading it (PLEASE DON'T REPOST OR CLAIM IT'S YOURS THOUGH).

Sorry for the delay and all the upcoming changes. Hope you'll stay on board! Thank You!

-Winter


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